Page 48 of Nanny for the Cowboy

I smirk. “Oh, really?”

“Yes! I work on the ranch and stuff. If I need food, I know I could just make a sandwich or soup or mac’n’cheese. Oh! Or cereal. I’m good. If you wanted to…I don’t know…like, go out or something. I’d be fine.”

Darby really is quite self-sufficient and mature. I probably could go out for a few hours and trust him at the house. Still…

I can’t do that.

It’s not because I don’t want to—Lord knows I want Clover like nothing else—but it wouldn’t be smart. I have no way of knowing how long things might last between Clover and me.

Or anyone else, for that matter.

Dating is just opening the door for hurt, and that includes my son. He doesn’t deserve that. I won’t break his heart again because yet another person decides that they aren’t interested in being a parent—or worse, also decides that there’s something better than me out there.

“Darby, that’s sweet, really, but I?—”

“It’s true! I could do it. I just want…” He falters, sagging in his seat as the all-white interior of the ice cream shop begins to sting my eyes. “I just want you to be happy. You’re always working on the farm, and you smile more when Clover’s around.”

That floors me and my jaw actually drops.

“I do? I…I’m sorry, kiddo. I don’t want you to be worrying over me.” I wrap my arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer in his plastic chair. “I wantyouto be happy. That’s all that matters to me.”

Not saying anything, Darby stirs his melted blue and pink ice cream, taking a reluctant bite.

“Look, Clover is…” I pause, my mind thinking back to all the verbal battles we’ve had since she arrived. “…a good person. I’m truly grateful for her help. But my only focus is on you, okay?"

He looks up at me. “You’re smiling. You do it every time you say her name, Dad.”

That is not what I expect to hear, and I pull back slightly. It’s a moment before I can speak again.

“I do not. You’ve got to stop messing with your old man.”

He looks at me like he’s in the know, and sighs, eating another bite.

“I don’t.”

Rolling his eyes, my son finishes his treat and stands up to take it to the trash. “Sure, Dad. Whatever you say.”

I don’t have any response for that. Darby cleans up his food, and I finish the ice cream cone, tossing the paper wrapper in the trash behind him. We walk to the door, and the bell jingles over our heads as we leave to walk back to the car.

It’s quiet for the entire walk. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t want to sound overzealous, and I don’t want to upset Darby.

The truth is that IknowI feel something for Clover. I do. But it’s not possible. For the reasons I said about needing to focus on Darby and so many more.

She’s not a permanent staple. Going back to NYC is very likely, and bringing Clover into our lives only for her to leave would just be too painful.

I’ve trusted someone to stick around before and got burned. I’m not risking that again when it was the mother of my child who decided we weren’t worth it last time.

Leah had every reason to want to be with us and didn’t stay. What’s to stop someone from leaving when they’ve only been around this family for a few weeks?

No, I’m not doing that.

Plus, there’s that whole best friend’s daughter thing. Even if Clover didn’t work for me anymore, it doesn’t change her age or who her dad is.

Whatever I feel, I need to ignore it—for everyone’s sake.

EIGHTEEN

Clover

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