Page 93 of Nanny for the Cowboy

“Come on. Out with it, Lucky.”

There’s tension simmering between us, and not the kind I like. I can tell Clover doesn’t want to say whatever the phone call was about, which gives me a pretty solid idea ofexactlywhat it was about.

“I’m assuming it had something to do with New York.”

Clover looks up from where she’s been staring at the ground. I can see the faintest hint of red around her eyes, suggesting she’s been crying.

She’s not now, and if she’s about to, Clover is hiding it well.

“Yes. It’s about New York. I…” Studying me, Clover appears to go through all these choices in her head, her brow furrowing as she decides just what words to use. “I’m being requested toreturn because there’s a deal at stake. A company called Cicero is looking to…work with my firm. They’ve been, umm, less than enthusiastic in the past. This is a chance to nail the bid. But…it requires me to be there.”

“I see.”

Silence fills the space between us. I knew that this was coming. I mean, how could I not? Clover’s been on the verge of needing to go back for at least a week now.

And somehow, I still hate it.

She’s not yours to keep, Brooks. She never was. You knew this. You knew Clover would leave.

My stomach clenches as the quiet persists. We’re in a game of chicken now. Neither of us wants to be the first to say something…to admit what’s happening.

I’m unsure why exactly, but my mind goes to Darby inside. He’s going to be so heartbroken when Clover leaves. And yeah, I know it’s a “when.”

I mean, come on. If it were a “maybe,” Clover wouldn’t be so upset. At least, I don’t think so. And still, my mouth opens on its own, asking the stupid question anyway.

“You thinking about going back right away then?”

For as raw and pulled apart as I feel, my tone is rather flat. I know I’m not letting myself feel everything completely, though.

If I do…I’ll break.

“I’m not sure. It’s umm…” Her stare goes to the ground again, her fingers picking at the frayed bits of her jean shorts. “…it’s a big deal, you know? And I feelresponsiblefor the, umm, fate of everyone involved.”

The way she says the word responsible tells me she really does. Clover is worked up over all this, and I can see it’s eating at her.

She’s going to leave. You’re just not as important as her job.

The thought is like a gut punch, and I’m immediately nauseated. I can feel all the familiar arguments my brain likes to make bubbling up to the surface.

Leah left you for another man. You weren’t good enough for her, and you’re not good enough for Clover.

Abruptly, I stand up, and Clover whips her eyes up to me as I start to pace. The air is too heavy, and I feel like I’m being crushed by the weight of the universe as I softly hyperventilate.

“Brooks?”

Those eyes, those big, beautiful eyes, with their deep blue swirls. They’re digging into my flesh, and I need to get out of here.

I won’t do this again. I won’t just stand here and let another woman tell me how much shedoesn’tlove me.

Again.

“Are you?—”

“Just don’t, Clover. It’s fine. I don’t need to hear you make up some excuses about staying. We knew what this was, and you have a life to get back to.”

Clover stands up from the steps, trying to walk up to me, but I pull back. I can’t have her close right now. It muddies the waters. It makes everything sodifficult.

“I…” Her words drift, and then she nods. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to go like this.”

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