Page 46 of Hide or Die

I steeled myself. “I’m sorry, but my answer is, in fact, no,” I managed, surprised at how difficult it was to force the words out. “Not because of any of you, but because I have to keep fighting for change. I want to live in the kind of world where I could say yes to a proposal like that. But I don’t live in that world.” The next part was even harder to get out. “However, I can only speak for myself. I don’t speak for Kam.”

Squaring my shoulders, I tried to brace for having my heart ripped out.

Kam took a deep breath. “I’m afraid I must decline as well, though I wish that weren’t the case. Leona is my pack. Where she goes, I go.”

I couldn’t help the little gulp of relief that broke the silence as I tried to get air in my lungs.

“There’s your answer, Flynn,” Alex said evenly. “Now leave it be.”

Flynn’s dark eyes pinned me. “For now I will. But Leona... Kam... I’m going to ask you again in a month or two, and eventually your answer is going to be different. Like I said, I can be patient.”

“I’m sorry that you have to decline,” Jax said. “I’d have liked the opportunity to get to know you both better, even if I understand why you can’t do it.”

I risked a quick glance at Kam. He looked distant and detached in a way I really didn’t like. Despite his decision to stay, I still couldn’t rid myself of the sense of everything falling apart around me.

“What about the three of you, though?” I blurted. “I won’t lie—with this weapon on the horizon, the smart thing would be to get out of the line of fire, if you’ve got the means to do so. I have some contacts—”

“We’re not going anywhere, Madam Ambassador,” Alex said. “You’ve got your work. We’ve got ours.”

I gave her a reluctant nod, not truly surprised. “Right. I understand.”

“Jax, we should let you rest,” Kam said. He still didn’t sound like someone who’d given up his fondest dream in favor of risking his life for a very questionable return. He sounded... absent. Like he wasn’t really here in the room with me.

“Yes,” Alex agreed. “Madam Ambassador, if I might have a private word with you first? Pack leader to pack leader.”

Taken by surprise, I hesitated for a moment. “Of course,” I said.

She nodded, and her green gaze took in the others with a sweeping glance. “We’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I followed her outside, and she led me down the hall to an empty patient room not dissimilar to Jax’s. She ushered me in and closed the door. I turned to face her, unsure of what to expect.

“You’re doing the right thing,” she said. “I just wanted to tell you that, because you look like you’re not a hundred percent sure.”

My breath caught, and I had to swallow twice before I was confident my voice would be steady. “No... I know that. Kam and I—we’ve worked hard to get positions where we might be able to make a real difference. And with Prime Minister Fairbanks in office now—”

“It feels like change is a real possibility,” she finished for me.

“Assuming terrorists don’t manage to kill all of us first,” I added dryly. “But, yes. That’s it exactly. Our generation—we have to give up our own happiness and focus on trying to fix the mess. Maybe that way, the next generation can live and love the way we all deserve to.”

Something shifted behind Alex’s gaze. For the barest moment, she looked as though she’d been sucker-punched.

I hesitated. “I’ve said something to upset you. I’m sorry—that wasn’t my intention at all.”

The hard-as-nails security alpha lowered her muscular frame into one of the padded visitor chairs and ran a shaky hand over her face. “Not you, Madam Ambassador. It’s just”—her voice cracked on the word, though it was barely detectable—“Damn it.”

I pulled up the other chair and sat in front of her. I wasn’t sure exactly how it had happened, but somehow in the hours since I’d emerged from my heat haze, I’d come to think of the standoffish female alpha as a sort of ally to my cause of not getting sucked in by Flynn and Jax’s magnetism.

“You went through something that the others didn’t,” I observed, leaning forward in my seat. “That’s why you understand that this could never work. Whatever it was, I’m sorry it happened to you.”

She drew herself back to the present with the air of someone who’d had a lot of practice at it. “There was... a female omega, when I was in the military alpha program. She was in the administrative corps—passing as a beta inside the damned army, which tells you everything you need to know about her.”

I whistled low.Talk about some giant titanium balls.

“Her name was Irina,” Alex continued. “We fell in love. Jax and Flynn weren’t my pack yet, though we were moving in that direction. It probably wouldn’t have mattered—they’re both idiots when it comes to this kind of stuff. They wouldn’t have tried to talk me out of it even if we had already been pack to each other.”

Given what I’d experienced personally, with Flynn in particular, she was probably right about that.

“What happened?” I asked quietly.

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