Page 96 of A Dead End Wedding

He blinked. "Um, no. You're friendly?"

"Mostly. But, no, civil means that I don't work on criminal cases. I don't know much about criminal law, and you'd be much better served with a criminal attorney. In fact, if you don't have the resources to hire one, I'm sure the public defender's office . . ."

He shook his head violently. "No, no, no. Grandma says that those public defenders are no good. She says you get what you pay for, and you can't trust a Republican farther than you can throw one."

This time, I blinked. "Ah. Well. I'm not exactly sure what Republicans have to do with – how about this? How about you tell me about what happened, and then I'll make some calls and see what I can find out? If I can help you with any competence, I will, but otherwise I'll help you find somebody you can afford. Does that sound fair?"

He stared at me solemnly, then smiled a sun-breaking-through-the-clouds smile. "Only if she's named after a month, too."

"I'll see what I can do," I said, smiling back at him. He was just as irresistible as Joker had been last night. A three-hundred pound teddy bear.

He took a deep breath. "Anyway, when the girl wouldn't get off the phone and help me, I figured I'd come back later and pay for the lamp. But when I came back that afternoon, she started screaming and yelling and jumping up and down and then she called the police before I could explain."

"Explain? Oh, wait. You took the lamp earlier, without paying for it, and then you came back to pay for it later that same day?"

"Right! You get it!"

"But I'm guessing the police probably didn't understand?" I asked, scribbling notes on my legal pad.

"No. They wouldn't even listen to me. She wouldn't listen to me, either. She called me a big oaf. It was very mean of her, wasn't it? You shouldn't call names, because sticks and stones, right?"

I nodded, amazed that anybody would pursue a criminal charge against this harmless man. "Okay, Bear. I think I've got enough. Let me make some calls on Monday and see what I can find out for you, okay? Will you please give me your address and phone number so I can reach you?"

As he recited his address and phone number, I wondered how I was going to figure out what to do first. Then I realized I could call somebody at Legal Aid for advice. I'd said "ten cases" and ended up with twenty-seven. They owed me.

Big time.

After Bear had gone, charming Max on his way out, she and I looked at each other and both spoke at the same time.

"Maybe we'll?—"

"It looks like?—"

We cracked up. "You go ahead," I said.

She switched off her desk lamp and grinned at me. "Looks like you might be some kind of lawyer after all, D."

"Yeah, and you're a hell of a legal office manager. How did I ever get so lucky in my choice of employees?"

"Oh, it's gonna cost you, trust me. As soon as we make money around here. Speaking of employees, Mr. Ellison went home. And, get this –Mrs. Zivkovichpicked him up."

My mouth fell open. "No way. I told him we don't date the clients."

Max rolled her eyes. "Give him a break. It's not like he has all that many good years left."

"What? Since when are you on HIS side? What happened to 'troll, weasel, ferret'?"

We headed for the door and she shrugged. "I know, I know. But he was really great with everybody today. He even held that baby when the mother talked to you. I don't know; he just kind of grows on a person."

"Yeah. Like fungus," I said, laughing, but I knew what she meant. I pushed open the door. "I only hope when I'm his age I'm a . . . STINKING CRAP?"

Max stared at me. "Why are you yelling? And why do you want to be a? . . oh. Oh, holy fudgesicles."

As the door swung shut behind us, we stared at my ugly Honda, which was now decorated with giant, hot-pink painted words and phrases.

STINKING CRAP was the nicest one.

We walked slowly around the car, then leaned sideways until we were looking at my back bumper from a nearly upside-down position to read one . . .suggestion. Max looked at me, her mouth hanging open. "Is this even anatomically possible?"

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