Page 16 of Hidden Desires

“Can I ask you something?” Jackson asked.

“Shoot.”

“Do you really see me as a callous, heartless bastard that used you for sex and left you high and dry on your own?”

She stared at him, hands on her hips. “Well, you did use me for sex. You callously told me I was special to you and then informed me you said that to all the girls you fuck. And then you practically fucked a girl on your front porch before I even started my car and left the driveway.”

“I was a bastard. Still am, I guess.” Jackson huffed a breath. “I know an apology probably won’t account for much, but I am sorry.”

“It actually means more than you know.” She patted his thigh with her hand. “You’re a good guy, Jackson. My father wouldn’t put his trust in you if you weren’t.”

“What about you? Do you trust me?”

“With my life, yes. With my heart, no.”

He decided to leave it at that. He didn’t want to make things anymore awkward then they already were.

The pizza came, and Jackson paid for it. He and Autumn gathered around the coffee table in their pajamas and finished watching the comedy enjoying their food and ultimately each other’s company.

“So, you know what I’ve done over the years. What have you been up to?” Autumn licked her finger and glanced over at Jackson.

Jackson smiled. “I’m pretty sure it’s nothing you want to know about.”

Autumn’s face went blank as she stared at him.

Jackson quickly caught on and added, “I wasn’t talking about sex. I meant my life is boring.”

Autumn gave a nervous chuckle. “I hardly doubt your life is boring.”

In many ways, Jackson and Autumn were alike. Brought up in two vastly opposite worlds, they both strived to make something of themselves and resulted in fighting a one man battle against the world. Neither really planned it that way, he supposed, but it was one of life’s curveballs that came blasting by. It was either hit or miss, and both chose to keep swinging.

“Well, when I’m not on assignment, I’m at the base with your brother. Davis tends to make things interesting, to say the least, but training a group of cadets while our commanding officers are away isn’t exactly my dream job.”

“Have you always wanted to be in the military? I mean, I think my dad said you entered when you turned eighteen.” Autumn threw her napkin on the coffee table next to her plate. “I know with my brothers it wasn’t really an option. I think my dad would have let them do whatever they wanted to, but it was sort of mandatory they take basic training and serve at least a couple years. We’re your parent’s that strict with you?”

Jackson fidgeted. “Nope. The military was my only option of a semidecent life. My parents really didn’t care what I did.”

It was around nine when they decided to turn in. Autumn cleaned up the mess they made while Jackson secured all the doors and turned off all the lights. As a precaution, he checked the windows, satisfied that they, too, were bolted and tightly locked.

“Have you talked to my dad?” Autumn flicked the lights off in the kitchen.

“Nope. He’s in Africa and satellite phones don’t always work.”

The look on her face was almost disappointment. He didn’t know much about the Major’s personal life, yet everyone and their brother knew his love for his only daughter, a daughter who supposedly resembled her mother down to the very stubbornness that had started to grow on him.

“Good night, Jax.”

Without waiting for a reply, Autumn slipped inside her room and closed the door. She wanted love first and foremost. Aside from commitment, he’d never understood the concept of what love truly meant. Sex and pleasure, he could write a book on, but love was a whole other playing field, one he wasn’t sure he belonged on. Jackson sighed and walked to his room. There has to be some way around it. If only he knew what that was.

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