Page 33 of Hidden Desires

“And secondly,” Davis continued, “why don’t you trust her? I know my sister pretty well, and I’m probably being biased, but she’s the one person I want in my army if we ever went to war.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t trust her. I said I trust her as much as I can.” Jackson started ripping the sheets off the bed. Since this room would be Jeffery and Kristin’s, it was only courtesy to change them himself.

“Dude, I’m not fooled. I know what you mean about the whole trust as much as you can bullshit, but it’s just an excuse to distance yourself from my sister. You need to let the past go.”

Jackson wadded up the bed clothing and tossed it toward the door. “And how am I supposed to do that?”

“Do you want to have a relationship with my sister?”

“Of course.” Jackson didn’t know what it was, but being with Autumn was different than with any other person. He wanted to call it love because he’d never found it in the fourteen years they were apart. Last night only proved that much when they united again in her bed.

“Then you’ve got to be honest with her. If I know my sister like I think I do, you holding back and not giving your all is telling her that when this little fucker is caught, you’ll tuck your tail and head for the door. She’s scared of losing you again, and she wants you to make the commitment to her that proves you’re not going anywhere.”

“What’s the commitment?”

“Dude. Have you really never learned any of this stuff?”

Jackson pursed his lips. “If you recall, I didn’t have a mommy to take care of me the same way Faye took care of you.”

“Fine. If you love her, tell her. When she needs you, be there for her. Love isn’t something that’s only said with the L-word. You’ve got to show it as well.”

“So you’re saying I’m in love with her?”

“No. I’m saying if you’d stop being a stubborn bastard, you’ll fall harder for my sister than a boulder from the top of Mt. Everest.” Davis sighed. “She’s not the bad guy. And most importantly, she’s not your father. Just remember that. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll be down Friday night.”

Jackson disconnected from his friend and stared at the unmade bed. You’ve got yourself in some deep shit, Cooper. How the fuck are you going to get out of it?

After he put fresh sheets on the bed, he traipsed down the hall and knocked on Autumn’s bedroom door. “Autumn, we need to talk.”

The door swung wide. She stood in fresh pair of green scrubs with her hair in a hot pink towel. One eye was lined with makeup as if she’d been putting it on when he interrupted her.

Jackson walked inside and closed the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at his feet. “Look, I’m sorry.”

She snorted and rubbed her wet hair a little before .pulling the towel from her head “A few minutes ago, you didn’t even know what you did wrong. Hell, you blamed me for it. And now you’re suddenly sorry? Sorry for what?”

She wasn’t about to crack. Jackson licked his lips and tried again. “I don’t open up, Autumn. Not just with you, with everybody. I think Davis is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me, and even telling him stuff, I still have a hard time. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t trust you because I do. Trust is a hard issue with me because growing up I could trust no one. I wasn’t raised in a loving environment where good things happened on a regular basis. I just don’t know how to give you what you need, I guess.”

Autumn stared at him without saying a word. Jackson couldn’t read her thoughts but prayed to everything holy she wasn’t ready to pound her fists into him.

“Did Davis tell you to say that to me?”

“No. He told me I needed to be open with you. So I’m going to work on it.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “That’s the best I can do.”

“You said you trust me. If that’s so, then tell me what happened that made you cold inside.”

Jackson licked his lips. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ve only told two people face-to-face what happened, and they were your brother and your father. Both times, I was piss-assed drunk. I may have even cried, I don’t know.”

Autumn came to him and sat on the bed. “It’s not fair to me, you know. I’m not forcing you to do anything—you’ll do it in your own time—but secrets rock the boat for relationships.”

“You have secrets of your own.”

She stared down at her feet. “Yes, I do. Is that what this is about? I tell you something, you tell me something?”

Jackson reached out to touch her thigh. “No. Please stop taking offense to everything I say.”

“Fine. Where do we go from here? We haven’t really solved anything.”

“At least we’re on speaking terms. That’s good right?” Jackson smiled at her and finally she smiled back at him. “I mean you haven’t punched me yet. So my luck is faring better than Gallagher’s.”

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