Page 47 of Hidden Desires

Jackson stood to throw away his trash. “Did you name the other baby?”

Autumn glanced down at the floor. “No. I wanted it to be a forgotten memory.”

“And you’re beating yourself up about it, aren’t you?”

“I can’t change how I feel no matter how much I want to.” When she lifted her head, tears rolled down her cheeks.

Jackson’s chest ached at the sight of her crying. Where were the damn pamphlets on this? “It’s okay, Autumn.” He pulled her to him. “You weren’t ready for a child and that’s okay.”

“It still hurts.”

They held each other until he finally picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the bedroom. He tucked the blankets around her and stood back to strip himself of his clothing, leaving his boxers on. Then, he crawled in bed and wrapped his arms around her again, his head resting against her stomach.

“I’m sorry I’ve cried on you all day. I know how much you hate tears.” Autumn’s fingers combed through his hair. “I’m also sorry I keep picking fights with you.”

“It’s okay to cry. Cry as much as you need to. I’m right here ready to hold you tight and kiss away your tears.” Jackson pressed his lips against her stomach. “And forget about all the other shit. It’s all in the past.”

“It just seems like my life is crashing down before me, and I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve never played the pity party, but I really want a break. Just one day that is perfect, where nothing goes wrong.”

Jackson lifted his head and looked up at her. “Tomorrow will be our day. Whatever you want to do, okay.”

Autumn brushed her thumb across his cheek. “Can we name the baby? I mean I know it sounds corny, but I think the least the little life deserves is a name.”

“What name did you have in mind?”

“My mom bought me a doll when I was seven and I named her Peyton Reilly. I played with her constantly to the point that Peyton Reilly became part of the Callahan family.” She smiled. “It’s a unisex name so it would fit either a girl or boy.”

“Peyton Reilly, it is.”

“Do you want children, Jackson?”

He sat up and grabbed a pillow to prop himself up with. “I don’t know how to be a father. I’m afraid I’ll screw up since I didn’t exactly have the best example.”

“I think you’ll make a great father.”

Jackson recalled his past in a flashback. His mother screaming, his father repeating horrible names. The beatings. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Autumn. A lot I don’t talk about with anyone.”

“Tell me.” She ran her hand along his chest. “Trust me with your story.”

Jackson shook his head. He couldn’t do it. Not after all they’ve been through in the past twenty-four hours. “I’ve dealt with enough emotions today. I really don’t want to talk about my past.”

Autumn gazed at him, drawing circles around his navel with her finger. “Are you sure? It might help with some of the pain you’re going through if you talk about it. I’ve got two shoulders for you to cry on, or a pillow you can punch.”

He smiled. “I haven’t cried since I was nine.”

She rolled to her side, propping her head up on her hand. “Maybe it’s time you did then.” She kissed his chest. “It’s okay to cry. You can cry as much as you need to because I’m right here ready to hold you tight and kiss your tears away.”

Autumn rested her chin against his chest. He looked down at her. She was beautiful in his eyes. Her face was free of makeup, a rare feature itself. She stared up at him with deep blue eyes that mesmerized him each and every time he looked into them. He wasn’t kidding about getting lost in their depths. He lifted her chin and pressed a kiss to her lips.

“I’ll take you up on that some other time.”

They spent the rest of the night talking about his life over the years. Not his past or his parents but his missions and his achievements as a soldier. He told her about the trip to the Amazon and about the rebuilding effort going on in Africa. They spent hours talking about the summer they spent together and the fun things that happened. Autumn started to smile again, and that was the only thing he wanted. He hadn’t seen that smile in several days and missed it.

Finally, when she decided they should go to sleep it was well past three in the morning. She flipped off all the lights and crawled between Jackson’s legs to lay her head on his stomach. They were silent for a while, nothing but the sound of cicadas singing outside her bedroom window. The moonlight cast a glow of light inside her room. Soon the sun would be rising and their perfect day would begin.

“Jackson?”

“Yeah?”

“Everything will work out won’t it?”

He smoothed a hand over her hair. “Yes. Everything will work out. I promise you, so don’t worry about it.”

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