Page 50 of Hidden Desires

Autumn gazed at him. She wanted him to open up to her, not pull away. “Do you want to take me back home?”

He nodded. After the quick drive home, she stood in the front yard with her arms wrapped around her stomach and watched him leave. Davis came outside and pulled her into the porch swing where they sat together for a while, peacefully quiet.

“How did his mother die, Davis?” Autumn pulled her legs up and turned toward her brother. “He told me she was pregnant and that she was killed. What happened?”

He met her eyes. “I can’t tell you that.”

“Was she murdered?”

“Autumn, he needs to be the one to tell you.”

“Why? He’s hurting, Davis. I tried to get him to open up, but he’ll only talk about losing the baby. His past is off-limits.” She hugged her legs to her chest. “He said I miscarried on the day his mother died. That hurts me enough as it is, and I know it’s hurting him.”

Davis wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Beverly was pregnant with Chloe, Jackson’s unborn little sister. Both died as a result of protecting him.”

Autumn tears filled her eyes. “Where was his father?”

“Autumn, I really want to tell you, but he needs to be the one having this discussion. Not me.” He kissed her cheek. “Did he say where he was going?”

She shook her head. Jackson was in military mode which meant he was all work and no play. He was in the hardcore, don’t-fuck-with-me mode where he would chew you out in a heartbeat should you look at him wrong. She hadn’t seen him that way since the first day he walked back into her life.

“Do you really think he loves me?” Autumn shifted away from Davis, needing some space. “Because I love him, and if he walks away this time . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Her brother leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “Do you really need to ask that question? I know he doesn’t say it, but I’ve seen him showing it with my own eyes. He may not know it’s love, may not want to admit it, but it’s there and there is nothing he can do to get rid of it.”

Autumn nodded. “He told me once, in the kitchen. He said he loved me.”

Davis turned toward her. “Do you believe him?”

“I don’t want history to repeat itself.”

As far as she was concerned, they had a long way to go. She wanted to believe that no matter what, they could conquer anything if they stuck together. But he would eventually have a decision to make, one that possibly excluded her from his life. She hated thinking it. Hated that the thought of him saying, “I love you” to cater to her emotional needs crossed her mind. He said he meant it, but he only said it once. Why that was so important to her, she didn’t understand.

* * * *

After two days of drunkenness, Jackson tipped his fifth beer of that day to his lips and stared down at the grave of Beverly Ann Cooper. It’d been years since he’d been to her grave. The first five after his father’s death, he had brought vodka or beer to numb the pain. He couldn’t stand the memories seeing her name brought, couldn’t relive the past as he often did. She’d been gone twenty-five years, and each one hurt worse than the last.

Jackson’s eyes burned from the tears. The beer in his hand didn’t numb the pain any better today than it had back then. His heart ripped to shreds and losing his baby on top of it all just added to the mix.

Autumn became his comfort, he realized in the short time he stayed with her. No matter what stupid comments he made, what actions took place she was there. And she cared. She loved him like no other person on earth ever had. She gave him stability when all he had in his life was chaos and he needed her now.

He grabbed his cell and punched in her number. He just wanted to hear her voice. He knew she was in pain herself and ached to hear her laugh or see her pretty face. It was time to bite the bullet and put it all on the frontlines. He needed to talk to her about everything no matter how bad it hurt.

The phone rang and she picked up. “Hello?”

Jackson’s tears felt like hot lava flowing down his cheeks. He tipped the bottle back and wondered what the hell he was doing. Where he was supposed to go from here.

“Hello?” she asked again.

“Hey,” he croaked, his heart breaking all over again.

“Jackson?” Autumn’s voice seemed almost relieved. “Where are you? I’ve been worried about you.”

“Fort Dix Cemetery.”

Her side of the line fell silent and then she said, “Are you okay?”

He tipped the bottle to his lips with a shaky hand. “No.”

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