Page 20 of Breaking the Rules (Roaming Devils MC 1)

“I need to get some fresh air.” He clenched and unclenched his fists. “I’m jittery and I was trying to hide it from you.”

She frowned, staring at him. “Jittery from what?”

He ran his hands through his hair. “Drugs, Ella. I’m clean. I have been for a few years. I just get cravings for them at weird times of the day. I can usually smoke it away.”

She reached for an afghan to wrap around her body. “Smoking is likely to increase cravings.” When he didn’t say anything, she tried a different approach. “That’s a real struggle for you, isn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m doing okay so far. It fucking sucks most days, though.”

She stroked her hand along his back. “I’ll go with you.”

He leaned in to kiss her. “Baby, you’re not leaving this apartment naked. I’m a big boy. I can smoke by myself.”

Even though he said it, he didn’t push her away. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he wanted her company. Wanted her to stand next to him while he battled with his addiction. He held her close to him and she liked it. He wasn’t a needy man but she liked that he made her feel wanted. Special even. Like she was the only one he’d ever be vulnerable with. If she had to guess he rarely let his guard down with his friends. And while he didn’t exactly let it down around her often, admitting to her that he still had cravings was a big deal.

“Maybe. But something in your mind triggered the craving. Do you know what it was?”

He pressed his lips against her forehead. Instead of answering her question, he grabbed his cigarettes and went outside. Ella stared at the closed door, wondering how she could help him. Finding her clothes, she pulled them on and went outside with him. He leaned against the railing of her apartment building and puffed on a cigarette, eyeing her.

“I can prescribe you something. There are several medications that increase GABA production in the brain and they have been proven effective in coping with cravings and addiction.”

He blew out a long stream of smoke. “Thanks, baby, but I’m okay.”

“Do you get headaches? Nausea?”

He pulled her to him, careful not to burn her with his cigarette. “I should have known better than to tell my problems to a doctor.”

She rested her chin on his chest, loving the way he felt against her. “I’m worried about you.”

“I appreciate it,” he said before kissing her. “But I’m okay.”

“Have you ever relapsed?”

“Not yet.” He took a drag off his cigarette.

She smoothed her hand along his chest. “How long did you use?”

“A few years.”

“A lot?”

“Enough.” He laid his cheek against her forehead. “Please stop worrying about me.”

But she did worry about him. The club used drugs heavily and with Ryker being around it all the time, he was at a high risk of relapsing. She’d seen the effects of a relapse and they were often worse than the initial addiction. He struggled with the craving. She could see it in his temperament. He didn’t want to look at her. His hands shook as he raised the cigarette to his lips.

She smiled. “Easier said than done.”

Caring for people wasn’t something she could readily turn off. She cared for complete strangers without any rhyme or reason. Her professors in med school considered her an oddball in today’s society. Most were narcissistic and out to get what they could. She supposed that was why she fit so well with the free clinic program at the hospital.

“You know you can come to me if you need anything, right?” She pulled back so that she could stare into his eyes. The darkness did little to hide his surprised reaction. “You’re not the only one with a school boy crush. I liked you too, you dork.”

And she did. He was fun to be around. Even when they’d been younger they hadn’t spoken much, but his presence had made her smile. She felt safe around him. She thought about what she’d been like at fifteen and that sheltered girl probably would have went out with Ryker if he’d asked her. But he hadn’t. Even when he’d been busy flirting with the other girls, he’d always stopped to smile at her. There was an attraction between them that she couldn’t deny. It had grown even stronger when they’d met up again, after she’d moved back to the city to start her residency.

“You had a crush on me?” He grinned. “I guess that explains why you didn’t let me get anywhere near you.”

She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t make huge advancements either. Put that nasty, cancer-causing stick out and come back inside with me.”

He smashed what was left of his cigarette against the railing. “And then what?”

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