Page 51 of Breaking the Rules (Roaming Devils MC 1)

“I haven’t left the apartment. Your dad actually came by to entertain me for a while.” He swallowed. “Well, entertain isn’t the right word.”

“What did my dad want?” She eyed him curiously.

“We called a truce. He invited you to dinner and said I could come along.”

“And you ordered something in?”

“Yeah, well, you and I needed to talk first.” He brushed away a strand of wet hair that had fallen into her face. “I’ll do whatever you want. Please stop being mad at me.”

She moved away from him and went to the table he’d set. “I can’t simply turn my emotions off after what you did. After what I had to do.”

Ryker followed her. “I’m okay, Ella. I’m alive and okay.”

She didn’t say anything and it was probably for the best. She sat at the table and cut into her food, choosing instead to eat. He should have protected her better. He could protect her from Razor and the criminal life he led by being associated with the club, but he couldn’t protect her from himself. He sat there a while, contemplating how things needed to change. He needed to change.

Trying to lighten both of their moods, Ryker sat back and glanced over at her. “Vampire told me that you were cranky because you hadn’t had sex in a while.”

She glared at him. “Why are you talking about me with him?”

That idea backfired. “So I can’t talk to my friends now?”

“Not about me and not about sex with me.”

He bit into his chicken. “Well, is it true? Do you need an orgasm to make you happy again?”

“You can’t have sex.”

“Oh yes I can.”

She shook her head. “Are you joking? Why can’t you understand that you nearly died? Dead. Gone.”

“Nearly.” He looked at her. “You’re treating me like I’ve already bit the dust.”

She shook her head. Ryker watched as she tried so hard to keep her tears from falling and failed miserably. He pulled her chair toward him and cupped her cheeks.

“You’re not going to get rid of me that easily. I swear I’m okay. I’m here, alive and kicking.” He struggled with what to say to her and decided to pull her onto his lap instead of talking.

It was a struggle to get comfortable, but once he got her situated, he held her against him with her face buried in his neck. He didn’t know how long they sat like that. He hated that she’d had to live through what he’d put her through. That kicked him in the gut harder than anything he could have ever dreamed.

“I love you, Ella.” He kissed her cheek. “You have no idea how much. I’m so sorry that this is hurting you. It seems like everything I do ends up hurting you and that’s killing me inside.”

She laid her cheek against his shoulder and swiped at her eyes. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Deal with death like that? I glanced around the room and it wasn’t the first time someone had been thrown into my position. It was almost animalistic, the way everyone stood around anticipating the bloodshed.”

He slid his hands underneath her shirt. “Ella, I told you a while back that I wasn’t a good man.”

“And that’s what you meant? You kill people? You watch them be killed?”

He didn’t say anything and she lifted her head. He stared into her blue eyes and tried to find some way to tell her the words she needed to hear. He wasn’t going to lie to her. She could ask him anything and if he responded, he wouldn’t lie.

“Did you kill the man that stabbed you?”

His hands lingered at her sides. “Yes.”

“Are you planning on killing Razor?”

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