Page 79 of Breaking the Rules (Roaming Devils MC 1)

He stared at her for what felt like an eternity. Ella sipped at her tea, lying back against the side of the tub. The bubbles had dissipated and the tops of her breasts were visible to his eyes. She was waiting for his answer and, for some reason, he felt like the answer meant everything to her. To their relationship.

“I don’t know any other life.” He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, Ella. I wish I could say what you want to hear, but I can’t. You wanted honesty. I’m being honest. I love the club. I love the men that are part of it. They’re family, the only family I know.”

“How do you know what I want to hear?” She frowned. “I’m not against the Roaming Devils. I don’t care if you want to be part of it by choice or not. What I do care about is your happiness. You can’t go around killing people and say you’re a happy person. You can’t shoot your father one day and come home to me like nothing happened. Life has got to mean more than that to you.”

“It does.” He swallowed.

“Then why do it?”

He stood and walked toward one of the vanities in the room. His father’s words taunted him. Are you going to do it, or are you a pussy? He gripped the edge of the counter and stared at himself in the mirror.

They’d carried him back to the middle of fucking nowhere and shoved him to his knees. Razor’s wrists were bound and they’d put a sack over his head. Ryker had yanked it off while Vampire grabbed Sonny. Both were fucking bastards.

His father laughed, spitting blood from the split in his lip, and stared up at him with a fucking grin. “You’ve actually got the balls to kill me?”

Ryker had stared at him. The eyes staring back were dark and completely devoid of any emotion. His father wasn’t afraid to die. Death to him meant nothing but failure. He didn’t think his son would kill him. Ryker wanted to say he was wrong but he couldn’t.

“Ryker?”

Ryker gripped the vanity harder, dropping his head down so that it hung between his arms. He’d taunted him. Smiling like they were watching a Falcons game and they’d just scored the winning touchdown. Sonny, on the other hand, had been scared shitless.

“He was the one behind Ghost’s drug trade for guns,” Sonny had blurted. “He wanted to make money under the table so he could have bigger profits than everyone else.”

Ryker had been shocked at the discovery, though he asked himself why a thousand times. His father didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. Ryker had raised his gun high enough that it pointed right at his father’s forehead. His finger itched to pull the trigger. He rubbed it several times, though the demon inside him wasn’t as strong. He still saw the man that created him. The man that showed him how to ride his first motorcycle. The man that gave him advice about women. He was completely changed after taking over the club. The power destroyed him. Consumed him.

The feeling consuming Ryker wasn’t anger.

It was pity.

“Are you going to do it, or are you a pussy?” his father had asked him.

Ryker aimed the gun at Sonny and pulled the trigger. The man’s big body fell to the side. He couldn’t look at his father any longer. Maybe he was a pussy, but he couldn’t let the same power that destroyed the man before him destroy him too. He turned his back.

“Put him back in the van. Drive him to Nevada and leave him with the Roaming Devils nomads. I don’t ever want to see his fucking face again, and if you so much as even try stepping a toe in the whole fucking state of Georgia, I will blow your fucking brains out.”

“Ryker?”

A hand grabbed his arm and he swung back.

He realized a little too late that Ella had grabbed him. His elbow had made contact with her face before his strength sent her backward to the tile floors as he pushed her off him.

She grabbed her face, crying, while blood spilled out from her nose.

“Oh, God.” He rushed to her and she backed away from him. “I’m so sorry, baby. I…” Tears filled his eyes. “Oh, God, I didn’t mean to do that. Are you okay?”

His fingers itched to touch her. He didn’t try to approach her again, instead grabbing a towel from the vanity and wetting it. His heart raced. She was crying and bleeding. He couldn’t have felt shittier if he’d tried.

“Here.” He walked to her and she didn’t move away. Kneeling down beside her, he gently pulled her hands from her face. He wanted to vomit. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried. Blood ran in rivulets into her mouth. In the short time, her face had already started to swell. He dabbed her bloody nose, doing his best to be gentle. “I’m so sorry, Ella. God, I didn’t mean to do that. I…”

She took the rag from him and held it to her nose. “I need to go to the hospital.”

He nodded dumbly. “I’ll take you.”

“No.” She pushed up from the floor. A towel was wrapped around her body. “I’m going by myself.”

She left the room and he stayed in the bathroom, staring at the blood droplets on the white tiled floors. He took a few deep breaths, though the pressure in his chest didn’t ease. He ran a hand over his face. Hurting Ella had been an accident, but she didn’t want him anywhere near her. God, what the fuck had he done?

When he finally pushed up from the floor, he cleaned up the blood and went into the living area of the house. If her father found out, he’d press charges. Ryker was willing to go to jail too. He shook his head, his stomach tangled in knots. He wanted to puke. Instead he sat on the couch, replaying the image of her crying and bloody on the floor. His hands shook with fear. There was nothing inside him that would ever make him lay a finger on her in anger. He felt like he’d ripped his own heart out of his chest when he saw her, when he came out of the trance that he’d disappeared into. He didn’t deserve her. She was too fucking good, and if she stayed with him, she’d eventually turn bad like him. Tears filled his eyes as he wallowed in pain. It physically hurt him to know that he’d hurt her. That he caused her to bleed. That he caused her to cry. It had been an accident, but it didn’t feel like one. It felt like he’d taken a knife and slit his own wrists.

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