Page 84 of Breaking the Rules (Roaming Devils MC 1)

“Look, I know it was difficult for you to handle the situation with your father, but taking it out on me is not the answer.”

His eyebrows pinched together. “You don’t know shit about the situation with my father. You don’t know shit about anything. Hell, you asked me to go to DC with you. What about me would ever make you think that was going to happen?” He shook his head. “My grandfather was right. When pussy stops being pussy, it creates all kinds of problems I don’t want to fucking deal with.”

She let out a breath as she stared at the floor. Ella was not going to be pushed away easily. His father knew it. He was too fucking dumb to see it. He didn’t know why she kept staying around.

“I’m not some fucking problem for you to fix. You can’t save me, Ella.” He shook his head. “You need to go. Go while you can.”

The longer he stood there with silence dangling between them, the more he ached for things to be different. He wanted a way that he could have the best of both worlds. A family. The woman of his dreams. His club. He didn’t know how to do it and he failed miserably trying.

“I was never just pussy to you.” She finally met his eyes. “Don’t even go there with me.” He knew that. God, he fucking knew that and it pissed him off that she knew it too.

Her gaze never wavered from his. “And I don’t see you as a fucking problem for me to fix. When you’re in a relationship, you weather the storm and work your problems out. You keep trying to push me away, Ryker, but it’s inevitable that I’m going to come back. I don’t give up easily, and I won’t give up so easily on you.”

Ryker took a long sip of water. Ella glanced around their new apartment. “Maybe we need some time apart, though. I would offer to move out, but my stuff is filling this place.”

He could go to the club. It was the one true constant in his life. If all else failed, he still had the club. His brothers. Fuck it all to hell. Everything about that was great, but they didn’t keep him warm at night. They didn’t make him smile quite like Ella did. He was torturing himself with the thought of giving her up when he should have been pushing her away. He should have had the balls to fix everything he fucked up and save her from the life he was destined to live.

“I need to go.” He didn’t move, even though he said the words. “You can do whatever you want.”

She snorted. “I don’t need your permission for that.”

Ella folded her arms over her chest. He watched as she contemplated something. He couldn’t help taking in her profile. She’d pulled her hair back. He knew she did it when she’d had a long day at work. He felt like an ass for even dragging her into his mess. He walked around the kitchen peninsula and grabbed her elbow. Her surprise gave him the perfect opportunity to kiss her without much protest. His mouth came down against hers as he forced his tongue between her parted lips.

It hurt so fucking much to push her away. He was too weak to keep away from her. Despite all the trouble with her father and all the bullshit he put himself through, he was too needy to forget about her. Ryker stroked his tongue against hers, deepening the kiss. He’d used his anger to fuel his focus, but even if he did spit off bullshit to her, he couldn’t stop thinking about the way she felt in his arms. The way he still wanted her in his life. He would always want her unlike he wanted anything else in the world.

Including the club.

That was the realization that scared him the most. She’d come into his life and flipped it upside down. He should have been angry. He should have had a better way of dealing with his obsession with her. But he didn’t. He knew somewhere deep inside that if it came down to it, he’d choose Ella over the club every day of the fucking week.

He tugged her top up and tossed it to the side. Her hands stroked his bare chest as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants. He couldn’t stop kissing her like his life depended on it. Maybe it did. Maybe the only semblance of a real life for him depended on Ella. She skimmed her hands along his stomach before wrapping them around him to pull him closer.

“If you think this means you’re getting a free pass, think again.” She slipped her hands beneath the waistband of his shorts, digging her nails into his ass while nibbling along his chin. “I know you’re dealing with a lot. I wish I could help you with it but I don’t know how.”

Yes, she did. He didn’t fucking know how, but she did. She always knew how to fix him. He closed his eyes and simply let her kiss him. Soft lips worked a tantalizing path across his chest while she squeezed his ass. Being in misery with her was a million times better than being in misery alone. Her mouth moved lower until she knelt before him. He glanced down at her as she timidly pulled his shorts down.

“Ella.” He breathed her name with every intention of saying more, but her tongue circled the head of his cock, eliciting a groan from him instead.

His mind shut off as he watched her beautiful lips part to wrap around his dick. She glanced up at him, sliding his shaft slowly into her mouth. There was a point in every losing battle when a man decided to give up. He wanted to do the right thing and push her away. It would make his life a hell of a lot easier. He gripped her head and watched as she slowly bobbed along his dick, making the fucking nightmare they called life disappear. When he was with her nothing else mattered. Her father could hate him. He could have club issues or the fucking vote could go the wrong way. It didn’t fucking matter. Ella’s soft hands caressed his hairy thighs as she sucked him. He wasn’t going to push her away anymore. He’d tried and failed. He needed to try harder at figuring out how they could live the life they wanted together. And that included her job offer in DC.

“You’re not laughing this time.” Ella wrapped her hand around him, stroking. “I guess I’m doing something right… Or wrong? How was it again?”

He lifted her onto the kitchen peninsula and moved between her legs. “I didn’t laugh at you. Hell, I’m never going to live that down. Everything you do is right. I’m hard with you just looking at me, much less anything else.”

He stared at her. There was so much emotion coiling inside him that he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t do feelings very well. One time he cried when his pet cat died and his grandfather laughed, telling him only pussies cry over pussy. He had to be tough. He had to fucking handle the bullshit like a man.

There was nothing tough about being with the woman he loved. She still had bruising around her eyes. It was yellow and discolored but she hid it pretty well with makeup. He felt so damn bad about hitting her. He knew she didn’t blame him, but he blamed himself. He shouldn’t have done it, even accidentally.

He stared into her blue eyes, taking in everything. Her slight confusion as he watched her. The uncertainty she had as she bit her lower lip. She fidgeted on the countertop.

“I tried so hard to push you away.” He rested his hands on either side of her hips. “I don’t want you to go to DC. I don’t want you to be mad at me about your father. I know I’m a huge fuck up but…”

She smoothed her hands along his shoulders. “What’s so wrong with you being with me?”

“Everything. It’s going to be a constant battle that we’re going to face daily. Your father and I will not ever get along.” He glanced down at her black panties. “I’ll never be good enough for you. I’m from the wrong side of the tracks and you’re a fantasy I’ve been chasing since we were fifteen.”

She didn’t say anything, lightly squeezing his shoulders. Maybe it was the effects of whatever she’d given him, but he felt like a blubbering mess.

“I do love you, though. I’ve probably always loved you. I’ve never been with a woman like you and I don’t ever want to be with another.” Frustration filled him. “I don’t know, Ella. I told you that I needed you in my life and I do. You make me want to be a better person. To be that guy you need in your life. I probably won’t achieve it, but I want to spend the rest of my life trying. Maybe even throw in a kid or two.”

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