Page 21 of The Likelihood Of You

I slowly start to catch my breath, not realising I hadn’t stopped to take one since I started talking about the bakery. Why did I mention the bakery? I’m honestly not sure.

I feel like I’ve walked up the steepest hill in the world, so out of breath that my throat goes scratchy and my heart gets eerily close to beating straight out of my chest. My cheeks probably resemble gala apples, and my lips feel like nail files. It's that kind of out of breath,except I’m trying my hardest to be discreet about it because, as I just said, the world’s most famous actor, who I also happen to have a tiny, ridiculous crush on, is sitting next to me.

“Wow…that was…enlightening.” He says, breathing out like my words were the equivalent of a rounders ball to the chest. Which, if you’ve experienced it, you know how painful it is.

“I’m so sorry, Florence.”

Huh…maybe I do like my name with the accent.

The whole body shiver that washes over me doesn’t help with how discreet I’m trying to be about calming down and looking socially normal, but I breeze through it like a champ.

Well, if I keep pushing down the urge to ask him to repeat my name, then I’ll have breezed through it.

I shake my head, my spine shrinking as I pull at the sleeves of my jumper and rest them between my crossed legs. “I’m fine, honest. I think it was just the pressure from today and not wanting to screw it up that got me so overwhelmed. I’ll be over it all by tomorrow.”

I most certainly wouldn’t be, but he didn’t need to know that.

“So what made you come to New York if it was a last-minute thing?” He asks, leaning ever so slightly closer to me, which is dangerous because the wind is picking up and sending his dark yet utterly sweet scent right my way.

“Do you want the truth? Or can I get away with using the hay fever thing again?” I ask, secretly pleading that he’ll say it’s okay and that I don’t have to tell him, because I think that’s the one part of the story that I’m still truly coming to terms with.

I know that things between me and Hugo were sour, and had been for a long time, but that still didn’t change how hard my heart shattered when I saw him in bed with my big sister.

“You could try, but I don’t think I’d believe you, Flo.”

His stare starts burning again, and his voice becomes a siren call- a sound that makes me want to spill all my deepest and darkest secrets, including what brought me here.

If I’m ever going to find a sense of normality in this city, then holding onto the past is only going to tie me to someone and somewhere that I don’t belong anymore. Keeping that day bottled up in my chest is only going to rot me from the inside out until I’m nothing but a shell of who I was. I need to tell someone. Anyone. Jacob being here leaves me with only one option. For my sake, at least. For my future. I have to.

I take a deep breath, planting my feet back on the layer of crunchy leaves below me and shifting towards Jacob, before dragging my eyes to meet his again.

Here goes nothing.

“I came here because I walked in on my fiancé fucking my sister in my bed.”

I think that’s actually the first time I’ve said that out loud. Spoke it into the air. And like the wind knew I wanted to get those words and thoughts out of me as quickly as I could, a heavy gust does just that, and blows away what’s been keeping me tossing and turning at night, as well as sweeping my hair back over my shoulders.

I can tell by the look on his face that he was not expecting that, and I know he’s trying to come up with a formation of words that will express how sorry he is. Not that I want sympathy.

His long body settles backwards, creaking the wooden bench panels beneath him and letting out a rush of air. “God, I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have asked.” He says, not knowing what to do with his hands.

“It’s fine. It was nearly six months ago now. I should be over it soon.” These lies are slipping out of me like I’d oiled them up with blocks of salty butter.

“Why New York?” He asks, the expression on his face now softening.

“My Nanna actually suggested it. She’s always wanted to come here, so I think she’s living vicariously through me at the moment.” I laugh, releasing just how much I miss hers as I do. I might have to call her twice today. “It was also the only flight that had availability when I got to the airport at midnight. But it was my Nanna’s decision ultimately.”

His cheeks rose as a smile landed on his face. “You must miss her.”

I blow out a breath. “More than I thought I would.”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry…again.

“I wish she was here. Talking to her every day helps, and just the sound of her voice is enough to make me forget what I’d been worrying about up until that moment, but itwasalso nice only being a five-minute drive away from her too.” I turn my head back to face the water, because I know this man has already seen me cry once, but subjecting him to it again after finding out the reasons makes it personal, and God knows I’m not ready for anything of that sort right now.

“Yeah…I missher a whole boatload.”

While I try to distract myself with how lilac the sky is turning, my favourite way to see it, out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jacob edging slightly closer toward me. His legs have shuffled toward me an inch or two, and his head is leaned in.

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