Page 93 of The Likelihood Of You

My eyes drifted from the spot where Nanna had just been until Jacob breached my line of vision, and they betrayed me, landing on him. He mirrored my position on the other end of the bench. Neither of us said anything for a while. I wouldn’t know what to say even if he broke the silence first.

Then, I noticed the bouquet of flowers under his arm: white tulips wrapped up in a sheet of brown paper. His eyes fell on them, too, catching that I’d clocked them.

“Your favourite flower was the only favourite thing I didn’t know, so I picked the ones that made me think of you.”

My heart tumbled. “They’re beautiful,” I whispered. My voice seemed to hide away when I saw him start to shuffle closer to me. My head sunk, my fingers grasping the fabric of my brown tartan skirt, my breath hitching and getting unruly the closer he got.

“Flo, I’m so sorry.” He said, the pain that was probably still rushing around him showing itself in his voice.

By now, he was only a foot away from me, which, as I slowly lifted my head to see him, let me notice the little changes our time apart had caused him.

The pain that coated his voice was in his eyes, too. How they looked like they hadn’t been tear-free in weeks, how they looked so longingly at me, how worried they looked. His eyebrows were so downturned I was convinced he was about to cry. I didn’t want him to.

Seeing him cry that day broke me just as much as what happened.

“How are you?” He asked, handing me the bundle of perfectly bloomed flowers.

Tulipsaremy favourite.

The slight crack in his voice nearly went unnoticed, but the only other noise around us was the calming ripple of the baby waves folding onto the shore and the wrinkling of the newspaper wrapper in my hands, so of course, my ears pricked up at the painful crack in his words.

“Better,” I said, my voice gaining back some of its confidence as I set the flowers against the bench. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciate what you did, bringing her here.”

“Figured that there was no one better suited for keeping you company.” He smiled. “I’ve seen the way your face lights up when you talk about her, or talk to her. It was an easy decision to make.”

“It was a great decision.”

Our voices fell silent, but that didn’t stop our bodies from catching up to the fact we had each other close again. His dangling hands found mine, our fingertips dancing, sending sparks and embers flying between them. Our breathing had synced, and my eyes didn’t budge as they gazed at the mesmerising rise and fall of both of our chests.

And like we couldn't control that undeniable pull, I felt our bodies start to fall into each other, like it was a natural reflex to mould into each other.

Home.

“Flo,” I felt the low rumble of his voice in my soul. “I am so sorry.”

I tried my hardest to keep my eyes on his as he said that, and my body straight, but it was hopeless. That apology was all it took for me to break down and flood my memory with how he'd cried those words the last time I saw him. My knees were already weak from the amount of walking I’d put them through this week, and the initial shock of seeing him here, but that was the final kick they needed to collapse under me.

If Jacob weren’t standing in front of me, I’d be on the ground, but I fell right into his warm chest, his arms bulking around me, creating a fortress that wouldn’t let me leave if I tried.

“I am so, so sorry.” His voice had fully broken now. “You didn’t deserve any of this. Not a single second.”

My arms floated around his sides, not long enough to match the way he was holding me, but it was good enough. I just wanted to hold him. I wanted to help get rid of some of the pain he was feeling, like I’m sure he was doing for me.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.” My voice croaked out.

He unwrapped his arms from my back rapidly, his body pulling away all the warmth and comfort it had provided just a second ago. I managed to lean off him slowly before his hands shot to my face, growing cold from the gentle breeze rolling in alongside the night sky, cupping my cheeks and gazing down at me with his teary eyes.

“Listen to me. That day should have never happened. You should never have had to go through that again. Nor should I have gotten so defensive and let you leave before it happened. Every time I think about your face that day, how I watched every last bit of hope drain from your eyes…” He paused, catching his breath, my eyes hovering over the snowflakes that had caught in his hair. “There’s nothing I want more than to go back and erase it from history, and it’s eating away at me the fact I can’t." His voice was as warm as his body was. "But I can change how this ends.”

It was like with each word he said, the world was trying to go quiet to hear them, too.

Even the breeze had slowed down to the point where the only thing I could feel on my face now was the way his thumb was brushing my cheek, catching a rogue tear now and then as it did. Naturally.

“I meant it when I told you I want to help your dreams become real. I meant every single word. I meant every promise I ever made you, every favourite thing I shared with you, every time I uttered the words ‘I love you’, every time I kissed you; I’ve always meant it. Because I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do to see the way you light up when you’re happy, Flo.”

I felt the world lean in to hear him. "There's nothing I wouldn't do to see the dreams that live inside your heart become real. They deserve to be, Flo. You deserve this."

He let go of me before I could do anything, let alone take in the words that made me lightheaded, and slipped his hand into his back pocket, pulling our white envelope with my name inked in the centre.

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