Naturally, I was curious at that point and asked her what the silver Audi TT I’d rented said about me. And the way she glanced at me told me all I needed to know.
“Silver is the most common car colour.” she swallowed. “They represent a lack of risk-taking, staying comfortable, and not straying from what you know because you’re afraid.”
“Oh,” was all I managed.
That was when I let the playlist that reminds me of her take the reigns for the rest of the journey back here.
“I got accepted.” My sister blurts out from across the room. “To Liberty Grove.” she clarifies, her big golden eyes staring back at me.
“Are you serious?” I get to my feet, my knees red from the carpet. “Why didn’t you say anything?” I reach the bed and sit across from her, golden hour sunlight blanketing the room around us.
“Because you were busy with the shoot and I didn’t want to disturb you, and… I don’t know.” My hand rose to her face, pushing back a baby hair. “I figured that I was never actually going to be going anyway, so there was no point getting me and other people excited for something that was never going to happen.”
I tilt my head toward her, my heart cracking the more her doubts spew out of her. “Oh, you’ll be going, Goldie. They cannot drag you halfway across the world when you don’t want to.” I swallow, my words getting caught in my throat. “Not if I’ve got anything to do about it.”
The guilt I kept locked away for leaving Goldie to take my place only crept higher up my throat. I had a job, as her older sister, to protect her in the ways she was too young to do herself, and what did I do? I left. Selfishly. I ran away to fend for myself and left Goldie to the sharks.
But if I’ve learned anything while orbiting the sun for twenty-five years, it’s that dwelling on the past won’t change it, it’ll only darken the future. Trying to paint over the imperfections will only make the whole painting look untrue. It’ll discolour its natural beauty, and before you know it, you’ll realise how fine it was to begin with.
I can’t think about how I left Goldie all on her own, without thinking about what my life would look like if I hadn’t.
Stupid hindsight, always being 20/20.
Which is why I won’t leave this house until I know Goldie’s future is taken care of, that it’s hers and only hers to carve.
“I’m so, so proud of you, Goldie. You are meant for so much more than this, I knew that from the moment you were born. That you’d change the world.” Through my teary eyes, I focused on her. “Because you changed mine.”
Her head fell forward, golden curls falling over her shoulder, tears dropping onto her blue jean knees. Then her shoulders shuddered, only a few times before she took a huge breath and lifted her head to face me again. She wiped her tears before she could let me see them, the suit of armour she wore over her heart rattling as she shook herself.
“Don’t make me cry, you’ll make me want to go and buy a pink car.”
We both breathed blubbery laughs before I cradled her in my arms for a moment or two.
I don’t think I’d be the person I was without my little sister. I don’t think I’d see the world the same way. It moulds you, the duty of it. The natural protectiveness that casts a spell over you when they come into the world. You know you’re not wholly responsible for them, but in a way, you are. So instinctive that those without younger siblings wouldn’t be able to explain it.
I think that’s what drew me to Florence when I met her.
Here was a girl who’d been failed by the guide she was born with, betrayed, and set aside like an abandoned child. It felt natural, to take her under my wing, to be the beacon she’d lost. And it’s funny how fate works, how cruel of a mistress she can be; because without Flo going through that, I wouldn’t have found a soul sister that I had no idea I needed.
And now that she was okay, it was time to focus on the sister I should have been there for. It was time for her moment in the spotlight that mattered.
Chapter thirty
Adaline
Dadstillhadn’tshownhis face. Whether that was because he was avoiding me or hereallywasbusy, I wasn’t in a rush to answer.
So, at the table, it was just me, Goldie, and our mom.
The overly long rectangle glass table didn’t help with the awkwardness that mingledwith the salt air. Goldie was to my left, about two metres away from me. Mom was to my right, opposite Goldie and still quite far away. Then the empty chair, the furthest away from me, belonged to Dad when he showed up.
Ifhe showed up.
And then I remembered…
“Mom?” I called to her, as she twisted her head, wine glass just grazing her mouth. “Iforgot to mention earlier, but, do you remember Nate? Nate Patricks?”
Her face dropped, as did the wine glass from her lips. “The one you’re doing the moviewith, right?”