Page 116 of The Fate Of Us

“Woah WHAT? Are you kidding me?” She stretched her legs out from under her andclimbed off the bed. “Just, rewind a second. Let me get this straight.”

She did a little spin with her steps, as though clearing her mind for the fucked-up timelineI’d just laid out for her.

“So, the day you promised to meet me, and never showed up, you actuallydidshow up.But you didn’t meet me because… you found something that proves I was cheating on you with Asher.” I just nod at her. “Asher Hartford, I’m assuming?”

My neck rolls, as do my eyes. But before I can say anything, she beats me to it.

“No, hang on. I’m not finished… so where did you find this—” She raises her hand toair quote the word, “—proof.” Which pisses me off.

I let out a sigh, stretching up to stand too. “I found it a few weeks before I left for college. It fell out of your bag one day when we were at the pier. That was why I went back that day, I went over to your house to find the Polaroid of you two, I don’t know why, but I thought having it with me would stop me from falling back in love with you. That didn’t happen, by the way. I still love you just as much as the day I met you. And that also explains why I had a copy of your last book, because I stole it when I stole the Polaroid—”

“Stop talking.”

Deathly still. If you asked me to describe how her words felt, how she looked when Iclosed my mouth and gazed at her… that was how I’d describe her. The fire had died in her eyes, like someone had drank the very last drop of her soul, leaving nothing but a grey and lifeless vessel behind.

The Ghost of Fire. That was how she looked.

“What? What did I say—”

“Nate,” She brought a hand to her mouth, like my name almost made her nauseous. “Tellme again.” She finally looked at me. “Say it again, why you came back for this Polaroid.”

I shook my head slightly, not taking my eyes off of hers. “To remind myself of how yougave up on us, how you lied to me, how you promised that you hated Asher and then someone had a photo in your bag of you kissing him—”

“Oh God.” Her back arched forward, a hand resting on her bent knees. Maybe she reallywas nauseous.

“Addy, what? What is it?” The signature erratic thumping of my chest was kickstartedthen, by the sight of her hunched over and pale. “Hey, hey, hey look at me. Look at me, Add’s.” I urged as I reached her, both palms cupping her cold cheeks. But they didn’t stay there for long though, as she pulled herself away from me.

“You never watched it… did you?” It wasn’t a question, but I still took it as one. Butbefore I could say anything, her mouth was spitting fire again. “You never watched that fucking movie. Mine and Ashers.”

I pulled my head back. “Why would I want to watch a movie with you and—”

“That’s why you hate him. Hated him. Because you thought…” She went quiet again, andI could practically see the cogs turning in her mind, before her eyes darted across the room, scanning every corner.

Before I could ask what she was doing as she darted across the room, she reached for theTV remote that was neatly placed on the dresser, the home page on the screen brightening the room with a harsh synthetic glow.

“Addy, what are you doing?” I asked, but I may as well have asked the question to thewall, it would have given me more of a response than Addy. She was scrolling, searching, practically shaking as she stood there flicking through the apps on the TV.

It was only when I felt her sigh, one of relief, and when I lifted my eyes to the TV screenand saw her select her movie with Asher on some streaming sight, that my heart rate picked up, my hands went clammy and suddenly the penthouse felt like the smallest room to exist.

She skipped through the movie when the opening score started to play, flashes of teenageAddy and Asher blurred the screen. I wanted to look away.

I suppose it had been a pride thing when the movie came out and I refused to watch it. Ididn’t want to be transported back to that time in my life. I didn’t want the memory of what happened to control me, my life. Looking back I think it always did, obviously, but what had I—

My thoughts died as I felt Addy turn around, felt her eyes on me, over me.

“Is this punishment? For lying to you?” I asked her, pointing at the frozen image of herand Asher.

She sucked in a breath, still and quiet. Controlled. Before she brought her now glassyeyes to mine. "I… I don't know what to…" The pain in her voice was enough for me to reach for her, and graze her arm before she pulled it back.

“I cannot believe I wasted seven years of my life… still loving someone who jumped so farto their own conclusions. Seven years gone over something that never…” My hands ached with the urge to wipe the tears that were falling off her face, dragging her away from anything that hurt her.

I was beginning to wonder whether that meant ridding her of me.

She shoved the remote into my chest, before storming around me and heading for thedoor. My eyes fell to my chest, the remote in my hands, before turning around to see her already by the door.

“Addy—”

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, Nate. Even after everything, every look, everysilent conversation… I always knew my heart belonged to you.” She stole a breath, and shrugged, the sudden movement shaking free a tear that slipped down her cheek. “But we've done this dance for so long, Nate, that I'm beginning to wonder whether we were fucked from the start. Whether we were just a lesson." Her cry weaved through her words. "How many times will we nearly make it? How many times will we nearly surrender to the truth before something else is thrown our way? I mean… have we been so stupid, trying to fight for something that was fucked all along?"

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