Page 75 of The Fate Of Us

His head tilted, and his eyes drank me up in a way that made me feel dizzy.“Why won’t weremember it?”

“Because our new addition thinks a shot means half the bottle.”We both let a chuckle slipfrom our mouths, as I shrugged.“We’re drunk.”

“You might be,”

I tried to stop my feet, but Nate’s hold over me and what he’d just said were all I couldfocus on.“What?”

“I stopped drinking the second you two turned up.”I blinked at him.“I had a few drinksto stop my hands from shaking before you guys arrived, then I had that one cocktail Flo made, and that was it.”

I shook my head this time.“Why?”

His head fell forward, and I felt his chest rise and fall against mine. Three quick breathsthat told me everything. And then his eyes met mine—the green that I wanted to dive into somewhat warmer.

“I told myself if this moment happened like I’d wanted it to, I didn’t want it to become ahazy memory.”He led me into a spin, if only to give me time for what he'd said to settle in my mind.“I wanted to have you in my arms again and remember what it feels like in the morning. I wanted to dance with you and remember every time I caught you looking at me in a way you tell yourself you shouldn’t.”

My voice had disappeared. My legs didn’t feel like mine. The way I was losing myself inhis stare while his confession paraded around my head was too much, too intense for me to do anything.

A million and one questions hiked to the tip of my tongue, but in the end, only one slippedout.“Why can’t things always be this easy? Why can’t we…”I took a breath.“Why can’t things be okay with us?”

That green turned hard, rigid as he breathed,“You know why.”

“I don’t think I do, Nate. You never told me why you never came back.”

“I thought it was obvious,”

“If I’m asking you to tell me, clearly I have no idea about what was going through yourhead back then.”I let my hand slip from him as I covered my heart.“Did I do something? Say something to hurt you?”

“Ican’t.”Tears bordered his eyes, but sympathy was the last thing that crowded mine.

I bolted from under his touch, my head growing heavy and years of unearthed angertaking over.“I don’t know why I fucking try, Nate.”

“Addy, I want to, it’s just—”

“What? What is it?”I backed away as he took a step closer.“Tell me. Please just fuckingtell me, Nate!”

He was silent. Shaking. Whatever I’d done must have hurt him so much that he couldn’ttalk about it. But I had no idea what that something was.

I try to flick through my memories of that time in my life like a photo album, scanning themoments of that summer with a magnifying glass, searching for whatever I did to make the man in front of me lose the ability to speak.

Then I said something I knew I shouldn’t have, but anger does that to you, possesses yourtongue with a fiery venom, destroying everyone in its path.

“You know, I’m glad you never showed up. I’m glad you saved me from a relationshipwhere you used silence as a weapon, because I don’t know if we would have ever lasted if that were the case, Nate. Maybe you were right to never come back.”

That gets a reaction out of him. Sure, it was anger, but at least it was something thatshowed he cared.

“Maybe you’re right, Addy. Maybe you’ve cracked it.”

I threw my arms up, a hopeless action.“Do you think we ever really loved each other? Orwas it just words that we didn’t know the full meaning of, only saying them because they sounded pretty.”

Stillness took over him as he narrowed his eyes at me.“Well, you’re the expert on prettywords, Addy, so maybe that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“Why you could say them so casually and forget the impact they’d have on someone whoactually loved you.”

It was my turn to cry.“Is that what you want me to say? That I never loved you? Wouldthat help you move on from me if I did?”

I think I heard my heart shatter into a thousand pieces when I heard him whisper,“Yes.”

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