Page 45 of Starstruck

The room seemed to go quiet when I let my eyes trail down his faceas he took it in. I watched that strong cupids bow pop, right as my heart dropped and my stomach knotted, as he mouthed the word ‘pretty’, while he nodded at it.

I had to bite the inside of my lip, not letting go until I felt my pulsesimmer, and mouthed back, ‘thank you.’

The ending of Finn’s joke and the giggles that followed brought meback into the moment. Rory then hopped in on the conversation that was still revolving around food, telling us about the weeks of snails and garlic she had to endure while she visited her aunt in Paris this past summer. Jesse then leapt in and added to the whole barbecue versus Italian debate that was also happening, sparking a heated argument between him and Daisy, but all that did was shine a light on the fact that there was indeed history there. Whether they wanted us to see it or not; their raised tones and whimsy smiles did that for them.

And when Tristan and Cora carried on their conversation about thefood they missed from their homeland, I felt a nudge on my arm, twisting my head to find Henry, smiling down at me.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hello,” I replied with a smile.

“I just wanted to say thank you… for letting me come tonight.”

I shook my head as I smiled, “You don’t have to thank me; I’m justglad you’re here.” My shoulders rolled, ruffling my dress. “I thought it might be nice toactuallysee each other outside the library or on the way out of class.” I let a laugh slip past my lips, delighting in the way he let one slip too.

“Yeah, me too.” His blue eyes sparkled at me, before they droppedto my outfit, just a basic baby yellow strap dress that fell to my thighs. He cleared his throat and practically whispered. “And you look lovely; you always do but… even more so tonight.”

At that moment, it was like every word I’d ever learned over mynineteen years on this planet suddenly left my head. My mouth was parted, and nothing but stuttering and struggling noises came out, like I was choking on something.

Pull yourself together, you idiot, I screamed in my head.You’vecried out four page monologues for thousands of people before, why can’t you just say thank you? Say anything!!

“Uhh… I—” My eyes were searching his, as though somehow what Iwanted to say I’d find in the depths of his eyes. But all I found in them was concern, as to why I’d suddenly lost the ability to talk like a normal human being.

In these moments, I felt like I was behind in a race I hadn’t heardthe gun for, as though dating and love were just inside jokes that I still hadn’t been told the punchline to. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I certainly didn’t know what it meant that I only felt this stupid when I was under Henry’s attention.

What did it mean that I’d forgotten how to answer a question whenHenry asked me one? But when I was with Tristan, it was like I’d known the answer before he’d even spoken to me.

The questions made my head feel cloudy, and the tips of my fingersstarted to buzz when I tried to tackle them.

Henry nodded his head at me, almost ducking it to meet my eyes.“Are you okay?”

Pathetically, I gave in to whatever was making me forget how tospeak, nodding at himbefore my eyes fell in the opposite direction. Which, in this case, was a mistake, because I forgot that Tristan was sitting there, and his eyes were already on me, looking just as concerned as Henry was.

But before he could mouth something to me that would make mejust want to melt into a puddle underneath the table, the girls were hushing the table as the dull glow from what looked like a small fire appeared in the corner of the room.

As they got closer, I could count them exactly.

Nineteen candles sat around a cake.

The girls knew what my life before Liberty Grove looked like, evenmy birthdays, and I had a sneaking suspicion that after coming clean about not having proper birthday cake in years, they’d planned this the second I left the room.

I shook my head at them, almost in disbelief, as the waiterscarrying the cake got closer to the table. The tears I could feel building started to sting the corners of my eyes as the cake was laid in front of me, my head angled to the ceiling to stop them from falling and making me look like an emotional wreck.

It’s simply not your birthday if you don’t cry, Goldie.

I eventually cast my eyes down to the cake, the warmth from thecandles lighting my face. It was a big circle, boarded with white buttercream, and topped with little pearls and edible stars. ‘Happy Birthday Goldie’ was written across the top of the cake in yellow icing, in the prettiest cursive handwriting I’d ever seen.

“Make a wish, Goldie.”Rory’s giddy voice sounded out from across the table, and I broughtmy eyes up to her for only a second before casting them back down at my cake.

I had thirteen years of wishes to catch up on, but the one that flewthrough my head was as simple as wishing that this feeling, the one that was tugging my smile higher as I blew out the candles, never died.

The warm candlelight flickered out, leaving only the dim glow fromthe overhead lights, casting a cosy haze over everyone’s faces. I smiled at them all—each and every one, even Henry—feeling an unexpected rush of gratitude. How had I gotten so lucky to find a group like this?

This is it, Goldie. Your life is here.

The thought hit like a whisper, but it carried weight. Suddenly, thatfamiliar sting crept back, tears I’d fought off earlier rising again with even more force. I blinked quickly, dabbing at my eyes, but it was too late. The lump in my throat thickened, and my bottom lip started to tremble, betraying me.

I needed a minute.

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