Page 90 of Starstruck

If Henry saw us now, he’d tell her, so maybe I should just beat him to it.

Then my heart beat picked up for a different reason entirely, thumping at a rateI wasn’t sure how to disguise, scared about what Goldie would think of me once she found out who I was before I knew her.

Who I’d been pretending to be whilst pretending to love her.

“Tristan?” Her delicate voice pulled me out of my head. “You okay?”

She could definitely feel my heart.

I nodded against her. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

And before I could let my thoughts drag me away, I readjusted my grip on the guitar and cleared my throat.

Music was always the thing that calmed me down, what took my mind off thethings I’d been worrying about that day. But with Goldie in my lap and my mind working overtime, I still felt the worry of the unknown, sitting there like an unclaimed parcel on a doorstep.

So, I started to play the song that had been floating around in myhead since my first week here, and I prayed that Goldie was too focused on the music to read between the lyrics.

I kept my voice quiet to start with, keeping our bubble intact, safe from the chaos outside of it. It was more of a whisper, intended for her ears and her ears only—the kind that made her shiver once I hit the high notes. I was at the chorus soon enough, centered around metaphors about the sun and its powers to cancel out the darkness. I soon lost interest in wondering whether or not she was picking up on how every word that was leaving my mouth was all about her.

About her smile. About her presence. About the way she makes me want toexist around her every hour of the fucking day.

It was as obvious as the storm above us and the days of rain it promised.

I heard her suck in a breath when I sang something about a star that was meantto die, and how life was poured back into it once it crossed collision courses with the brightest one in the sky.

At that point, I gave up on the lyrics, and instead just strummed the guitar,repeating the verse melody over and over again, like the elevator music to my thoughts. I had to swallow away the lump in my throat, and tap my head back against the tree, anything to get rid of the bulk of tears I could feel building up.

After a moment or two, the quiet chords floating around us, I felt something,grazing my arm in the most delicate way, and it didn’t take me anytime at all to realise that it was her.

“What does this one mean?” Her tiny voice asked. “And this one.”

I craned my neck over her shoulder to see what she was tracing, and when Isaw her finger gliding across the black outlines of my tattoos, I smiled against her sodden hair, no longer caring if it made how down bad I was for this girl obvious.

I was content, and if I could tell my past self that this was a feeling thatbelonged in his future, then that was all that mattered.

“What do you think it means, the feather?” I asked her, watching her glide herfinger over the fine line feather that was in the space between my thumb and my wrist.

She huffed a small laugh, resting her head back on my shoulder, her eyes barelymeeting mine. “Let me guess, some edgy metaphor about getting your freedom and finally living your life by your own means?”

I couldn’t help but snort a laugh, my head falling back against the tree truck.

“What?” Goldie laughed, shifting fully around to face me, her back curling upin my arms.

I dropped my head with a sigh, as a smile bloomed across my face. I met herstare, as I said. “No, I uh… I actually wanted to be Peter Pan when I was little, and… it’s still one of my favourite movies. Also explains why 'Neverland' and 'Second Star' are probably my favourites songs I've ever written.”

This is usually where I’d expect a laugh, but Goldie just smiled up at me, eyes all knowing and wide.

“Go ahead, you can laugh.”

“Why would I laugh at that?”

I shrugged. “Because you just earned a valuable piece of information that couldmake me do anything for you to keep it to yourself.”

Her lashes fanned me as she blinked, the blush in her cheeks still as vibrant asthey were minutes ago. “I’m not laughing because it doesn’t surprise me, Tristan. Everyone else might think you’re this brooding guy with a guitar who doesn’t have any emotions,” She dropped her eyes, weighing up the words on the tip of her tongue, before letting her head fall back to meet me. “But those people don’t get to see you like I do. Those people don’t see you when you’re right up against the glass at a Lions game, giving pep talks to Finn when he gets nervous.” She let her hand rest on the neck of the guitar. “They don’t see you doing this, when you don’t even want to be here.”

Her laugh was so conscious, and yet, I could see her mind was on anotherrealm entirely. But I didn’t want to figure out what that meant. I didn’t want to fall into the rabbit holes that I’d lead her down, all to cover up who I used to be.

So I shook my head and asked, “You’re not gonna tell anyone?”

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