Page 98 of Starstruck

The way she raked her hands down my back drew a groan out of me,and made every question about how she felt drip off my back like the last of the rain was.

I threw my head back, breaking our kiss. Goldie took that opportunity todiscover the skin on my neck, trace the lines of my tattoo with her tongue in a way that made me the closest to feral I’d ever been.

I brought my head back up and lifted my hand from the curve of her arse to theside of her jaw, skimming my thumb across it gently.“Don’t stop.” I practically begged.

She shook her head as a grin overtook her face. “I’ve never done anything likethis before… but it feels right.” Her shiny eyes met mine. “Does it feel right for you?”

I nodded without hesitation, blinded by her light. But once her lips fell back onto my mouth, as though the storm clouds that were hanging above the city had snuck into my mind, all the ways that this was wrong broke through and attacked the crumbling walls of my mind.

She just gave her first kiss to someone she thinks she knows, butreally, she’s got no idea. Would she regret this if she knew about London? Would she be kissing me this deeply if she knew why I was here in the first place? Would she curse me and swear to hate me for the rest of her life when she found out why I looked like that when she walked in?

If Henry found out about this, then she’d know in a heartbeat. If he’d somehowseen us at the park today, then she’d be shouting and screaming and calling me the liar that I am.

The light I was holding onto was slipping through my fingers right before myeyes, and the further I pushed her into the dark, the more doomed we were.

To her, this might have felt right. But to me, all I saw now was how I’d madeher believe I was someone I wasn’t. I was a fuck up. I was a mess. I was a guy who couldn’t even say the word ‘hospital’ without having a panic attack for fuck sake!

If this was going to stop, if I was going to protect her from me… then I neededto go.

If I stayed with her, Henry would tell my secret for me.

If I stayed, there was only a matter of time before my poisonseeped onto her.

But if I left, she’d be free to fall in love with someone who washonest, and true, and not someone who was lugging around the trauma that he thought he’d be rid of by now.

She believed I was leaving anyway, and maybe having prepared herheart for that from the beginning was the nicest thing I’d done.

Goldie’s phone buzzed in her pocket, so she pulled her head away, slow asanything, before I slid her from my waist to settle her high tops to the floor.

The blue light from her screen lit up the room, before she peeredup to face me.“It’s Rory,” she panted, wiping the remnants of our kiss from his lips. “I better go see how she is after… you know.”

I nodded, my breaths equally as lagged. “I know.”

Before she took a step back, her eyes widened, and her handsfound mine. Her head dipped once she felt just how much they were still shaking, before her eyes found mine again. “I knew you’d do it, by the way.”

My brows pulled as I tried to look for the answer in the swirls of her eyes. “Dowhat?” I asked, not thinking when I skimmed my thumbs over the backs of her hands.

Her head fell to the side as her lips glided open.“Keep my firsts safe.” One of her hands slipped from mine and cupped my jaw. “I can’t think of a single person who I’d rather have given that kiss to.”

You gave it to a liar.

You gave it to a reckless idiot who should have stayed away.

You gave it to someone you don’t know!

I tried my best to keep my smile in place, as she lifted on her tiptoes andpressed another kiss against my mouth, short and sweet, before her hands slipped from mine and she headed for the door.

“I’ll call you. Okay?”

I barely had the energy to nod, but she caught it just enough as her handreached for the door and pulled it open, the creaky hinges sounding as it softly clicked shut.

The door closing was my cue to slide back down to the floor and let my heavyhead fall into my hands, my breaths became frantic and my pulse tripled its speed.

I asked myself how I’d let it get this far. How all it took was a smileand her laugh for me to throw every hope I’d had about staying in the shadows out the window. I asked myself how she’d made the darkness the last place I wanted to exist, and treasuring the relationships I’d tangled myself up in was worth more to me than any record deal.

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t think of anything that could save my futurewhile keeping the reality that I never wanted to escape. But there was only so much I could do when the tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my face, and the quiet sobs were the loudest thing I’d heard.

The only thing I knew was that staying here, surrounded by the lies and theblackmail and the constant fucking rain, was only going to rot me from the inside out.

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