Page 111 of Wonderstruck

I moved my hands to the side, careful not to drop the hot chocolates we’d picked up on the way home. But the way his hands were cupping my jaw, reigniting everything I'd felt when he kissed me at the rink, I was half tempted to drop them at our feet and wrap myself around him.

He pulled away slowly, wicked smirk shining down on me, and I savoured everysecond.“Did I win?”

“For now.” I shrugged, wriggling out of his hold andhanding him the takeout cups.

I dug the keys out of my pocket and wedged theminto the lock before pushing on the door, the heat from inside luring me in away from the cold November air.The house was empty, and the silence was almosteerie after the noise of the rink, but I expected it to be. Daisy was with Jess, and Goldie and Tristan had gone out with Addy and Nate. I couldn’t remember which event Cora was begrudgingly attending, but I knew she wasn’t here.

I dumped my coat and bag over my hook beforerushing over to the fireplace and getting it lit, my hands desperate to thaw out. It didn’t take long for the fire to start crackling; its heat washing over me, grounding me to the floor.

“Here,” Finn said, his voice delicate, handing me acup as he stood over me.

“Thank you.” I took it from his hands, the warmth nipping at my fingertips. A second later I felt a blanket being draped over my shoulders, and I turned my head around quick enough to catch Finn smoothing it out. “Ever the gentlemen.” I quipped, snuggling under the fluffy thing.

He took the space beside me on the rug, shufflingclose enough to slip under the blanket, his arm snaking around my back. “I spent too much time not being, so I’ll do what I can to make it up.”

“You being here is enough, you know?” I lookedup at him, tugging the cup against my chest as I searched his eyes. “This is all I needed—to know that you wanted to be around me.”

“I’ve always wanted to be around you, I wasjust…” He didn’t need to finish, and I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want him to go back to that place he’d tried so hard to escape.

We’d talked on the way home about what I’d heard, and he’d confessed that it was all true. Every name. Every mention. And he’dsaid ‘sorry’ with enough sadness in his voice that I believed him when he promised me that the only reason behind it was to protect himself, from himself.

The memory of seeing the war raging in his eyes aswe passed under streetlamps was enough for me not to say anything right now. Or bring it up again.Instead, I nudged in closer, letting our bodies settleinto each other like we’d done this a hundred times before. As though this last year had been nothing but a bad dream.

I shifted just enough to feel something dig into my side—hard, pointy. Reaching behind me, I pulled out a pen I didn’t even remember shoving into my back pocket. With the fire crackling low and the night folding in around us, I flicked off the cap and started doodling on my cup lid.

Maybe this was just my anxiety response.

I felt Finn notice, the same way I felt the heat of thefire; a constant warmth that felt like reassurance. But the second the silence hugged us, it let go, thanks to the buzzing of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket, checked it, and switched it off so fast that I didn't have chance to take a breath to ask him about it. So my eyes fell back onto my lid.

I was halfway through a twisting vine and dotting it with flowers when he finally spoke. “Why do you do that?” His voice was quieter than usual. Every bit fragile. Then, without thinking twice, he rested his head against mine.

My pen stalled for half a second. “Do what?” Iasked, even though I already knew.

“This.” His breath was weaved with a tiny laugh.

I hesitated, suddenly self-conscious. “I don’tknow,” I said at first, but that wasn’t true, and we both knew it. I exhaled. “Okay, fine. I think it keeps me grounded. When everything feels chaotic, I can focus on something small and make it mine.” I twirled the pen between my fingers. “And I like doing it for the girls, and Tristan when we walk to Flo’s because Goldie and the others are too tired to go. If it makes their day even a little bit better, then… I don’t know. Seeing them happy makes me happy.” I tilted my chin up, meeting his gaze. “Does thatmake sense?”

His mouth quirked like he was about to make ajoke, but then just looked at me. Really looked. “Yeah,” he said, softer this time.

Then, so casually it knocked the air right out of me,he reached up and brushed a stray curl off my forehead. Barely a touch. A simple thing if the grand gestures of tonight were taken into account. But it sent something warm curling in my stomach anyway.

“I really love that about you,” he said, like it wasn’t a big deal. Like he hadn’t just thrown that word out there so easily.

“Love what?”

“That no matter the heartbreak that’s thrown at you,you find a way to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else.”

I stared down at the tiny vines and flowers, falling sodeep into the swirls that I didn’t feel my lips open. “Sometimes I think that doing nice things for everyone else will make the world stop being so unkind to me.” The truth was out before I could swallow it. But I felt brave enough, ready enough, to not stop. “Like there’s someone out there, watching every little thing I do, judging whether or not I deserve anything good in my life.”

My breath hitched. “After Mom died I thoughtthat I hadn’t been good enough, that I’d done something wrong, looked at someone the wrong way and because of that they took her. And I know now that wasn’t the case. I know it wasn’t the case with Dad either but… sometimes when I remember they’re gone I’ll break down and just start apologising. As many times as it takes until I’m sure someone must have heard me, and hope that they give me a break.” I swatted away the tears breaking over my lash line. “I've never told anyone that before.”

If there was ever anything to be scared about with us before tonight, there shouldn’t be anymore. I’d practically shown him my heart, everything tangled around it and why it was kept behind a fortress. But as I peered up at him, lifting my eyes over the barricade to find him, all I saw was myself.

Finn Rhodes had made me feel seen more times thanI could count. He knew what it was like to lose someone. He knew what it was like to feel so scared and alone that all you want to do is make the world stop spinning so you can get off. But the way he was looking at me now, like he understood every part of me, was another feeling entirely.

It was a feeling that was strong enough to tear that fortress down. I was sure of it.

“I don’t think you know how thankful I am that youtold me that,” he said, his voice a whisper, as though he were talking to my heart.

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