Page 144 of Wonderstruck

My head shook. “He doesn’t hate you—”

“He does. And if you know him, then you know that he does,” he interrupted, his voice trembling.“And I don’t blame him. Look at me.”

I hesitated, then said, “Finn’s different.” I wanderedback to my seat, tugging my sleeves over my knuckles. “I think he feels everything a lot more than everyone else. Though with how funny he is, you wouldn’t realise how much he’s hurting on the inside. Believe me, I know.” My breath faltered. “And I think what happened with your...” Oh God, I really shouldn’t be the one to be here right now. But I was stuck. So I cleared my throat. “You were actually the reason we almost never got together.”

That caught his attention, his eyes widening as he sat up. “How?”

I shrugged. “He saw what happened when you lost your wife and didn’t want to become you someday.” I took a breath, letting that sink in. “He told me that when he realised how much he liked me, he got scared. Worried that if anything happened to me—or us—he’d end up like you. That his life would be over.”

The words hung heavy in the air. His facecrumpled, and regret consumed me as my hands flew to my mouth, like I could take it back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been the one to tell you that.”

He wiped at a rogue tear. “No, it’s okay." Sheepishly, his eyes wandered to me. "I nevermeant for this to happen.”

Pain lathered his voice, cracking in a way I'd never heard a voice crack before.

“I’m sorry," I said earnestly.

He shook his head, his smile raw, almostdamning. “I wanted to forget I’d lost her. Just for a moment. But a moment turned into ayear and when I took a second to remember them, I realised I’d gone too far. I went so far that I forgot… I forgot my kids.” His voice broke, a sob escaping him, like he forgot I was here. “They needed me, and I wasn’t there." His bottom lip trembled. "I’veneverbeen there.”

Every empty space there was in the room was stolen by his sniffles and groans, but still,I heard my heart cracking for him. He was more self-aware than I think the others realised. That confession sounded like one he’d wanted to scream for so long but had never had the space to.

I suppose me being the only one here was needed.

That thought triggered something, and before Iknew it, my mouth was open.

“My mom died when I was younger,” I said quietly, but it earned me his attention.“It was just me and my dad after that. He lost the love of his life, and on the surface, he was fine. Present. But deep down, he was broken, and I think keeping it locked away is what took his life.”

Jason looked at me, his eyes searching mine.

“You still have a chance,” I said, leaning closer.“Your world is still here as long as they’re here. Don’t let a broken heart destroy it.” Emotion lodged in my throat, and the sting of my tears was instantly recognisable. I swatted a tear away before it could wet my face. “I wish I could have been brave enough to tell that to my dad.”

It was as though every ounce of alcohol drainedfrom his system as my words reached him, sobering him better than any drip and medication ever could.

Henodded, his hands trembling like I’d slappedhim. “Thank you.”

I gave him a small smile, dried another tear, andthen stood. “I’ll go tell the doctors you’re awake.”

My breaths became my own again as I stepped intothe hallway, but before I could cast my eyes to any sign, I stopped short.Finn was standing just outside the door, his handsshoved deep into his coat pockets, his eyes red-rimmed.

“You heard all of that, didn’t you?” I asked.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he strode toward me,cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me.

chapter forty

we make a pretty nice familty portrait

Islumped against the wall outside the hospital room, shoving my hands deep into my jacket pockets like that would somehow keep them from shaking. My pulse was a jackhammer, rattling in my ears, my chest—everywhere. I counted to ten. Then twenty.

Didn’t. Do. Shit.

I'm pretty sure someone could knock me out cold and I’dstill wake up feeling like I’d skated a game entirely on my own on nothing but pure adrenaline.

After sinking into Rory when she came out of the room, Itexted Daisy, telling her to meet me there. Now, all I could do was wait. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t go in alone—maybe because it was easier not to. Or maybe because I didn’t trust myself to keep it together. To let everything out that I’d held in since I was twelve.

But with Daisy there... I didn’t want her to see me like that. To see me likehim.

According to Rory, though, he seemed normal. Okay.

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