Page 2 of Wonderstruck

There was no obligation for me to do this. I knew I could have said no whenPastor Robin pulled me aside and asked if I was planning on saying anything. I knew I could have sat in the front row and listened to the eulogy that she’d written, headed to the graveyard to watch him be lowered, said my hello’s and ran back to New York.

But no matter how much it hurt to be up here, no matter how much my heart wasbreaking all over again, I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t.

I tried to breathe again, my lungs filling completely this time.

“My dad was the best man I’ll probably ever havethe pleasure of knowing. He was the dad that little girls dream of having. He was funny and sensitive, and kind.” An innocent smile graced my lips, almost unconsciously, reality seeming to fade. “He was the man who taught me to ride a bike. He was the man who would make it his sole mission to push my face into my birthday cake every single year. And I’d do the same with him. I also have him to thank for my ears, although I’m still not sure if I’ll ever grow into them like he always promised." That got a chuckle from the crowd, and it was like I had energycoursing through me for the first time since I got the call to say he'd died. “But for all of you, I suggest you pick your favourite of his hats and remember him that way.”

Cowboys hats, one for every day of the week, were all I could picture for a moment. And part of me wished for that moment to become a lifetime. Because as my head fell forward, my smile lifting like it was attached to strings and hewas somewhere controlling them; it tilted to the left, and my eyes regretfully caught a glimpse of his picture, resting on his coffin.

And suddenly the world felt dark again.

My breaths caught in the back of my throat, as I choked out, “I’m pretty surethere wasn’t a thing on this earth that he wouldn’t do to see me happy.”

And that sentiment was a two-way street. Which was probably why, in the back of my mind, I was wondering what I wassupposed to be doing with my life now.

After Mom died, I made a promise to myself that I’d do anything to see my dad smileagain. The way he did when she was here. At first, it was little things; keeping up my grades, doing every after-school activity where I had the chance to win a trophy that he could proudly display. Those types of things. But as I got older, and I only saw those cracks deepening, rather than healing, I decided to tell him that I wanted to study law and become a lawyer like him.

That day was probably the first time since Mom died that I saw his real smile.And if I had been telling him the truth, then maybe my smile would have mirroredhis.

I blinked; the crowd's attention suddenly too much.

I stumbled back a little. “Uh… thank you.” I managed. “I wasn’t sure what th-the… turnout would be like.” I scanned the crowd again—the blurry faces from my past, the people who’d watched me grow up, clearing in my head. “So thank you. It’s lovely to see how loved he was, even after…”

After we left.

As though the weight of the moment settledback on me, the pressure hardening, I managed to lift the corners of my mouth slightly. “Thank you.”

The chorus of applause serenaded me as I walkedon wobbly legs back to my pew, claiming the stiff seat next to my Aunt Sandrine. The thought that she was the only blood family left occupied my mind for the rest of the service, only being forced back into reality when she tapped me on the shoulder and nodded towards the curtain surrounding his coffin, closing at a glacial pace to his favourite song.

And if I had the energy, if I was alone, I would havesobbed at the top of my lungs.

“Oh, Aurora, you did such a good job, little sprout.” Miss Patty, the sweet oldlady who owned the florist's from where my dad would always buy mom a bunch from at the start of every week, sighed as she wrapped her tiny arms around me.

She still smelt like peonies. And that shouldn’t seem odd considering she wasaround them all day, but it was always peonies, even when Dad sold her out of roses one anniversary.

I sank into her hold, as people poured from the church doors, trying to think ofthe last time I saw her. “Thank you, Patty. I’ve missed you.” I sighed, pulling away from her and gripping her warm hands. “How’s the shop?”

She smiled up at me, her glassy blue eyes glistening in the last of the summersun. “It’s blooming, pun very much intended.” We both shared a giggle. “Are you staying in town long?”

I hadn’t planned to. I knew being back here for eventhe weekend I’d planned would be hard enough. So I shook my head. “No, I have to be back for college in a few days.”

Sympathy coated her stare. “Oh, well, I’m justhappy to see you, sprout.” She shook our hands which were still locked. “You can sleep easy knowing I’ll still take flowers to them every week.”

My eyes widened. “You still take her flowers?”

She nodded. “Every Monday, just like your father did.” Her smile rose. “I’ll besure to keep an eye on him now, too.”

I wrapped up my catch-up with Miss Patty there, feeling the swell of tears creepup on me, along with the memories I’d tried to convince myself I’d forgotten. But being back here? Taking in Main Street and the buildings I could draw from memory just reminded me of how much this town was home.

My place.

But that didn’t make it any easier to be here. Toeven think about staying here.

After swapping numbers with Miss Patty, I walked around to the front of the church, craving the shade for a moment.I stood in the shadows that the white spire cast on the street, catching all thebreaths I could before I had to deal with reality, had to think about what on earth I was going to do with myself now that the whole reason I was at Liberty Grove was dead.

The thoughts were a storm in my mind, a glimpse of what the fall monthswould look like. It wasn’t long before that shadow of guilt fell over me, darker than the one the spire cast. I slowly closed my eyes when I felt its wrath wrapping around my neck, draining me of every possible breath I could take.

My chest was constricted, as I threw my head back against the wall, tearswelling in my eyes and falling over the lines on my cheeks.

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