Page 51 of Wonderstruck

“You don’t have to be her again,” Her voice was so steady. “You just have to be you, right now. The Rory who poured herself into the ice just now. The Rory who skated like the world disappeared and nothing mattered but the music and her own damn self.” Her eyes softened, and for the first time, I saw not just a coach, but someone who genuinely believed in me. “That’s enough. More than enough.”

I bit my lip, the knot in my chest tightening.“What if I fail?”

“What if you don’t?” she countered, a hint of asmile tugging at the corner of her lips. “What if you find something you didn’t even know you were looking for?”

The tears came then, unbidden and hot againstmy cheeks. I wiped at them furiously, but Aspen just stood there, waiting. Letting me feel it all without judgment.

Finally, I looked up at her, my voice breaking. “You really think I can do this? Don’t you.”

Aspen nodded, stepping closer and gripping myshoulders gently. “I do. And I’ll be there, every step of the way. And if you give it your best and you’re still not happy then—”

“You’ll still charge me?” I sniffed, a tiny laughfalling from my mouth as I looked at Aspen.

Her head dipped forward as her smile grew.“Then I’ll still be here. For anything you need.”

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throatstubbornly refusing to ease. But her words settled deep, cracking open something I hadn’t dared touch in years.

“Can I have some time?” I whispered, my voicetrembling but resolute.

Her smile was delicate, but equally strong. “Ofcourse.” She squeezed my shoulder and skated off, givingme space.

Idly spinning at the centre of the rink, I let theworld blur around me, lost in the quiet war waging inside my head. I knew why I was here—why I kept coming back. But knowing didn’t make deciding any easier.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I washolding onto the guilt, clutching it like a lifeline because letting go meant admitting that Dad was really gone. That his dreams weren’t enough to carry me forward anymore.

But they had to be. Didn’t they?

Except every time I laced up my skates, everytime the ice welcomed me back like it had been waiting for me all along, I felt it—the pull, the certainty I was too afraid to claim.

This was what I wanted. Not lecture halls ortextbooks. Not chasing a path that ended at someone else’s dream.

I just wasn’t sure if I was strong enough tochoose it.

chapter fourteen

how do you say 'denial' in french?

“Repeat after me,” Rory said, her voice patient, the way it always was. The shadows from the sun and the lining on the windows cast over the side of her face as her pen tapped each word, making her silky brown skin glow. “Je ne suis pas nul en français.”

I leaned back in my chair, forcing asmile that hopefully told the rest of thelibrary that I wasn’t dying inside from conjugating verbs for the past hour. “Easy. Je ne soes pas nel een franckais.”

Her lips quirked, the faintest hint of asmile tugging at the corners. I caught it,though. I always caught it. “Close, but try again. Je nesuis pas nul enfrançais.”

“Je ne suis pas nul en français,” Iparroted, dragging out the syllables.

And with each one that flowed between us, her smile grew.“That means ‘I don’t suck at French'.”

A quick laugh blew from my nose,echoing in our corner of the main dome.“Good one,” I said, lifting my arms behind my head and stretching, summoning a yawn. “Next time I bomb a test,I’ll just chant that at my professor. I’m sure they’ll pass me out of sheer admiration for my optimism.”

Her eye roll reminded me that she was here. Which sounded stupid, but sometimes, when we existed like this, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd simply overslept and my dreams of her tolerating me this close were just that. A dream. But surely if I could count the different shades of brown swimming in those rolling eyes, if I could feel her breath hitting the edges of my face, then surely it was real.

Perhaps the other reason why I couldn't believe this was happening was because I was going agaisnt everything that kept me away from her last year. And I was still trying to understand what the fuck was the matter with me?

I planted myelbows back on our table, and despite my raging thoughts, I couldn’t helpbut watch as her smile lingered, like she couldn’t quite shake it. “You’ll thank me for this one day.”

“Sure,” I deadpanned, “right after Ithank student debt for existing.”

“It’s just a bit of harmless manifesting.”her palms raised. “God forbid you have the universe on your side when you go in for your oral next week.”

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