Page 54 of Wonderstruck

My stomach twisted as I read his nameagain.But before I could talk myself out of it, before I could go back on my word to Daisy that I'd try, Ilet a low curse slip under my breath as Ihit accept.

“Hello?” I said, my voice breakinghalfway through the syllables. The staticthat followed felt heavier than it should’ve, dragging out the seconds until I thought I might choke on them.

“Hello?” I tried again, my browfurrowing as faint rustling filtered through the speaker.

“Dad?” My voice cracked, softer thistime, but no answer came. Just more rustling.

I waited, and listened, holding my fingeragainst my other ear just in case it was thelack of reception from being in a stone building. All I heard was static and rumbles, and more weird sounds that I couldn’t name.

And then it hit me, my soul sinking deep andfast, like a stone that had been dropped into a dark well.

He hadn’t meant to call me, had he?

My lip curled under my teeth as Isqueezed my eyes shut, the phone pressinghard enough against my ear to hurt. I stood there, fury bubbling under my skin as my hands dug into the stone bannister, the edges biting at my skin.

Fuck, was I an idiot for thinking thisman could change? For holding out hope that maybe—just maybe—he needed me. Or worse, that I still needed him.

What if he’s just trying?

That was bullshit. Every last bit of it.

The static crackled in my ear, mockingme, and I couldn’t stop myself. “You’re a waste of space,” I said, my voice low and sharp, trembling with rage. “And I hope you’re never happy again.”

I ripped the phone away, letting my armdangle uselessly at my side. My fistclenched around the phone as anger burned through me, fierce and hot, dulling the ache I didn’t want to face.

Because anger was better. Angernumbed the feeling of being forgotten. Ofmeaning nothing to the one person who was supposed to love me no matter what.

I turned, frustration buzzing in everynerve. I had to calm down before goingback to Rory. After a few shaky breaths, I climbed back up the stairs and headed for the table.

Rory looked up as I sat down, herbrown eyes, that veil of warmth back in them, scanned my face like she could see every crack in my facade.

“You okay?” she asked softly, her voicecareful, one of those dimples dippinginto her smooth, mocha skin.

“Yeah.” I forced a smile, too tight andtoo fake, but it was all I had. “Just peachy.”

Herbrow furrowed, concern tugging ather expression, but she didn’t push.Instead, she tilted her head, curiosity softening her gaze. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head, my voice coming outquieter than I intended. “Not really.”

Rory nodded, her eyes lingering on minefor a moment before dropping back tothe notebook. She tapped her pen against the edge of the page in an uneven rhythm, not looking at me, and the silence that followed felt heavier than it should’ve.

I shifted in my chair, feeling the weightof what I’d said—or maybe what Ihadn’t said. “About earlier,” I started, keeping myvoice low. Her pen stilled, her gazeflicking up to meet mine. “I didn’t mean to—.”

“You didn’t,” she said quickly, her smilesoft but a little too polished, like shewas trying to brush it off.

“I’m still sorry.” I hesitated, leaningforward. “I should've thought before I said it and I'm sorry if I upset you.”

Her lips pressed together, and she letout a quiet sigh. “I’m not upset. Notreally.”

Not reallyroughly translated toyou've hurt me worse before, so this is nothing.

Only then did the impact of what I'd let slip, regardless of whether it was the truth or not, hit me like a shockwave.

Sure, she knew I wanted to make things better between us, to let our past go and somehow find a way to exist around one another in more than just awkward silences. But she didn't know that rejecting her last year wasn't what I wanted to do. She didn't know that I still had feelings for her.

Allshe knew was what I was willing to tell her back then. And I think my blank stare and sealed lips told her everything she needed to know about me.

I thought itwas kinder at the time, thought it was better to let her down easy, but the look in her eyes said otherwise. She deserved an answer, deserved better than my cowardice, but my hands were tied.

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