Page 86 of Wonderstruck

The car’s bumper clipped her side,sending her sprawling to the sidewalk with a sickening thud and a shriek. My heart stopped as she hit the ground, her body rolling awkwardly before coming to a halt. I didn’t even think. My heart waslodged in mythroat. I was on the ground beside her in seconds, my hands hovering over her like I didn’t know where to start.

“Rory?” My voice cracked, fearclawing its way out of my throat.

She groaned, her eyes squeezingshut as she clutched her arm. “I’m okay,” she groaned, her voice barely above a whisper. “I think… I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay,” I snapped, myhands trembling as I scanned her for injuries.

There was a scrape on herforehead, a tiny stream of deep red trailing down the side of her face, rolling over the blush that still lived on her cheek. Her arm was bent at an awkward angle, and blood seeped through a tear in her jeans. My pulse was a death march in my ears, drowning out everything but her quiet, laboured breaths.

I lifted my head for a moment,scanning the gathered crowd for who did this.The driver—a middle-aged manwho looked as pale as a ghost—jumped out of the car, his hands raised in panic. “The brakes—they didn’t—I-I didn’t see her–”

“Do something fucking useful andcall an ambulance!” I barked, cutting him off. He fumbled for his phone, muttering apologies that I barely heard.

“I don’t need an ambulance,” Rorymurmured, her good hand reaching out to grab mine as she sat up.

I held it like it was the only thingtethering me to reality. The only thingkeeping me from sinking. “You don’t know that.” The words sobbed out of me.I dragged my gaze up and downher body, anything to keep me out of my head.

Itwas happening. My worstnightmare was happening.

I shook my head. “You’re going tobe fine, okay?” I squeezed her hand. “You’re fine. You’ll be fine.”

I didn't know if I was trying to convince her or myself.

Her steady eyes held mine, worrylaced in her brow. “Finn, you’re freaking out.”

“Of course, I’m freaking out!” Thewords exploded out of me, quiet and sharp. “You just got hit by a car, Rory. I think I’m allowed to freak out!”

Her fingers tightened around mine,grounding me in a way I didn’t want to forget. “I’m not dead, Finn. It’s a scrape. I just need to get up.” she whispered.

The tears burning in the corners ofmy eyes betrayed just how close I’d come to losing it completely.

When the ambulance finallyarrived, I stayed by her side, refusing to let go of her hand even as they loaded her onto the stretcher. My grip tightened every time her eyelids fluttered, like holding on to her hand was the only thing tethering her to me.

But when the ambulance started tomove and she finally closed her eyes, Ibroke. Silent sobs wracked my chest as I clung to the edge of the seat, trying to keep myself from unravelling entirely.

I always hated how hospitals madethe world feel blue. A cold, soul destroying blue that made every last bit of hope inside you feel worthless. Lifeless.

I lifted my head from my hands,the chair beneath me starting to feel like it was attached to me, as I looked at her.

Her shallow rise and fall of her chest was mylifeline. Each steady breath told me she was still here, just sleeping. But no matter how tightly I clung to that sound, something dark was dragging me under.

I knew the feeling too well. It wasthe same icy weight that had swallowed my dad whole, drowning him in grief after my mom was gone. It was the same oblivion I’d sworn I’d never fall into. And now, here I was, staring into its black depths, feeling its pull.

The image of her lying crumpledon the pavement wouldn’t leave my head. Blood streaked across her jeans. The sickening screech of tyres still ringing in my ears. I couldn’t stop seeing it.

Jesse’s voice echoed in my head, ascalm and confident as it had been when he said it.“You’re not your dad, Finn. You can’t live your life avoiding everything just because you’re afraid of what might happen.”

But Jess hadn’t been there. Hehadn’t seen Rory get hit, hadn’t felt the gut-wrenching terror that I’d felt as I watched her bleed. He didn’t know what it was like to sit here, helpless, with nothing but her breathing keeping the world from collapsing.

And if she’d gone…

I raked my hands through my hair,tugging at the roots, my eyes squeezing closed. But it wasn’t enough to keep the thoughts at bay.

Jesse was wrong.

He had to be.

Because if I let myself loveRory—really let myself fall for her more than I already had—then what would happen if I lost her?

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