Page 94 of Wonderstruck

He raised his drink in a lazy mock salute. “Justenjoying the ambience.”

Before I could respond, he opened his mouth,his expression shifting as the mask slid into place. It was so seamless it might have fooled anyone else. But not me. I saw the effort in the set of his shoulders, the way his jaw tightened—his armour ready for battle. “How’s training going?” he asked, his voicehoarse, as though he’d been screaming into his hands moments before.

I stopped a few steps below him, my handcurling around the railing. “Good, I guess. Exciting, nerve wracking… all the usual things.” I hesitated, measuring my words. “My injuries weren’t nearly enough to stop me from performing to my best, which is good.”

He went rigid, his entire presence foldinginward.

Something tugged at my heart, a deep achethat spread through every corner. As though we were back to our old selves. Wary. Avoidant. Strangers.

Shaking my head, I climbed the last few stepsand dropped into the seat beside him. “It’s hard not to overthink every second of the routine, though. I keep worrying that I’m not doing enough. Not pushing myself enough. Especially when some of these skaters have had these routines down for years.”

“Don’t overthink it,” he said quickly, nudging my shoulder. “You’re going to kill it. You always do.”

“Thanks,” I murmured, my voice softening. “Iwish you could come.”

He looked away, staring down into the barrel of his glass, swirling whatever was left in there. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

The silence stretched, taut and heavy. He wasdoing that thing again—skimming the surface of the conversation, hoping no one would notice how deep the water ran. But I noticed. I always noticed.

“Are you okay?” I asked, my voice low andcareful.

A stupid question. I already knew the answer,but I wanted to hear what he’d say. Wanted to know if what he’d said last week was just to shut me up.

“Course.” He nodded, and my heart sank.

He's pushing me away.

Hislips pulled into a faint, practised smirk ashe lifted his glass. “It’s this meeting on Saturday, with the Knights rep.” His laugh was sharp, hollow. “I’m worried my French won’t actually impress him as much as I think it will.”

“Finn.” I crossed my arms slowly, leaning against therailing.

“What?” His eyes darted to mine, wary.

I shook my head. “We both know it’s not theFrench. Or the meeting. Or any other excuse you’re about to make for why you’re hiding from all of us. Hiding from… me.”

“I’m not hiding from you,” he shot back,shaking his head like the words were ridiculous.

“But you are.” My voice cracked, thefrustration bubbling over. “And I don’t know what to do because I thought you wanted to be honest with me.” I hesitated, my throat tightening. “Is it me?”

His head snapped up, his eyes wide and clearwith panic. “No. God, no—”

“Then what?” I pressed, reaching for his handwithout thinking. My fingers closed around his, and I squeezed, desperate for him to stop retreating. “Is it this night? Are there too many memories? What happened last week? Just tell me, Finn. Tell me so I don’t have to keep guessing.” My voice lowered, raw and unsteady. “Tell me so we can fix it. Together.”

He exhaled sharply, his head bowing like the weight of his thoughts was too much to carry. The forced smile slipped away, leaving his face unguarded. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you care?” His voice cracked, amixture of anger and pain. “Why do you still want to help me? After last year, after the hospital—after everything.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Why aren’t you running? Why haven’t you figured out I’m too fucking scared to be worth it?”

His words slammed into me, but I didn’tflinch. “You’re not—”

“I am,” he said fiercely, his eyes locking onmine, blazing with frustration. “I’m scared all the time, Rory. And you shouldn’t want someone like that. You shouldn’t want me. And I need to stop wanting you.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat andshuffled closer, my hand tightening around his.“Finn.”

He shook his head, his laugh sharp and hollow.“You don’t get it. You don’t know what it’s like to screw things up so badly you ruin everything. To feel like you’re turning into someone you hate.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” My voicesoftened but didn’t waver. “Tell me so I can understand. Please.”

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