Page 11 of Not a Gift

Already, I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes.This is the last place I spent any time with my mother, and her memory lives in every corner.It’s too hard being back here, I lie to myself, forcing the other memories down.If I let them surface, I will almost certainly have a panic attack and then I won’t be able to get away from this place.

“Shit!”Malichai curses.I don’t expect to feel his arms wrapped around me.“I didn’t even think about how being here would affect you.I’m so sorry.”

He thinks my emotions are because of my mom and I’m grateful he doesn’t know the rest.My heart would break if he ever looked at me in pity.I would rather live with the indifference he has always shown me.

My skin is aflame as I breathe in the scent of the forest that clings to him.I’ve always loved his smell but it’s different now.Being this close to him, smelling his unique scent, drives me insane.I inhale deeply before pushing away from him.I need to leave before he can scent my arousal, my panties already ruined by the slick pouring from my weeping pussy.

“I’m sorry,” I say wiping away a stray tear.“That was very unprofessional.”

“Listen, I know we haven’t seen each other in ages, and even then, we weren’t all that close.But you don’t have to treat me like a client.I’m still just me.”

I stare at him.I take in his strong jaw and chiseled cheekbones, his dark cropped hair that has started growing out, and deep hazel gaze.He is a perfect specimen.But I can’t focus on that right now.

“Perhaps we can try again after I get back from my sabbatical?”I ask with a small smile.“We would only have had one session anyway.”

“Sabbatical?”he asks with a raised brow.

“Every year, I take a week off to unwind.I go up the mountain to my cabin and just ...unplug.”

“That sound peaceful,” Malichai says with a soft smile.“We can find somewhere else to do the sessions as well.”

“That sounds good.”Turning, I walk back to the front door, Malichai following on my heels.

“Is that you, Lyrik?”Thomas calls out as he descends the stairs.

Panic slams into me and I quicken my pace, walking out the door and straight to my car before sliding into the driver’s seat.The need to get as far away from Thomas and this place is riding me hard.

“I hope you enjoy your trip,” Malichai says and I smile in return even though I feel like puking right now.

Thomas stands in the doorway watching us like a hawk and all I want to do is leave.My skin crawls beneath his gaze and I swallow down the bile rising in my throat.But Malichai is right.I have no reason to treat him with anything but friendly disinterest, so I remain calm and continue to chat like the world isn’t closing in on me.

“Are you going alone?”Malichai asks, prying.

I roll my eyes at his question.“Yes.I’ve been doing it for years, Malichai.I’m a big girl now.I can take care of myself.”

“There could be a snowstorm up in the mountains.Have you checked the weather?”He is ever the protector, even though I just made it clear I don’t need it.

“I have.And I’ve been through storms before,” I reply, starting my car.“Don’t worry so much.You’re going to get wrinkles.”

I give him my best fake smile as he glares before I reverse down the driveway and make my way home.With every mile I put between myself and the house on top of the hill, my heartbeat steadies.I stop at the store for some staples and a big-ass bottle of wine.I’ll need to be drunk to sleep tonight.

I need to drown my demons.

---