Page 72 of Returning to Everton

“I thought I was pretty clear about how I feel about you, Rowen.”

I huff. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” I cross my arms as I glare at him.

He chuckles at me, “You’re kinda cute when you get huffy you know.” I roll my eyes. “Okay okay. I’ll get serious. I can tell this is an important conversation for you. I’m guessing you’re trying to ask me how I feel about you dating my best friends,” he surmises.

I uncross my arms and brush my hair out of my face. “Well, yeah. I mean, with the way we’ve been texting, and the kisses we’ve shared... I know we never got around to talking about that, so I just wanna check in with you and see how you’re feeling. What do you think of this?” I ask him nervously. I am really starting to like Declan. I don’t want to lose him over this. But I’m so happy I finally have my chance with Hudson, Nate, and the twins. I’d love to add Declan, but that’s completely up to him.

“Oh,a mhuirnín.I absolutely want to be a part of it. I’m not giving you up Rowen. I don’t know if the guys told you or not, but they’ve been waiting for the chance to be with you for years. Even after you got married and moved away. They never gave up hope you’d return to them. Didn’t you wonder why none of them had wives or girlfriends?” he asks.

“Well yeah, of course I wondered that. I mean look at them. Hell, look at you. Y’all should all be happy with some gorgeous woman.”

“Well, we’ve all been waiting for our gorgeous woman to come home to us Rowen. Now that you’re here, we are all happy with a gorgeous woman. Just notsomewoman. The only woman any of those guys have ever wanted,” he informs me, and I gasp and just stare at him.

“Really? The only one? Are you sure?” I stammer.

“Oh, sweet clueless Rowe. I’ve seen them all around you since you’ve been back. Is that any different from the way they were with you growing up?”

I stop to really think about how the guys treated me and acted around me growing up. “No, I guess not,” I admit. “I mean, they’ve always been nice and joked around with me.”

He just shakes his head. “Were they the same way with any other girl growing up? Did they do the same things with or for her? Did they ever give another girl lingering glances? Drop everything to help her or just hang out with her?” he goes on and on naming all of the things the guys have always done for me.

The more I think about it, the more I realize he’s right. They never really showed any interest in any other girl. Were they really holding out for me? If so, why the hell did they wait so long to tell me? Didn’t they know I wanted them just as much?

Declan smirks at me. “Guys are idiotsa mhuirnín.Theyshowedyou every day how they felt about you. Guys aren’t big on talking about their feelings Rowen. I’m gonna assume they didn’t know you felt the same and were afraid of losing you if they tried to change the dynamic of your relationship.”

I sigh. “That makes sense. I know I felt that way. That’s why I never told them how I felt about them,” I admit. “But you’re okay with this? With me being with all five of you?” I ask him the question I’ve been fearing the answer to.

“Rowen, I know we haven’t known each other long, but I already feel close to you. Probably because the guys haven’t shut up about you since I met them,” he laughs. “Even when my wife, Jane, was alive, they were constantly talking about you. She actually felt like she knew you too. She was hoping the guys were right and you’d come back home. She thought you two would be good friends,” he says as he tries to discreetly wipe a tear from his eyes.

I reach out and take his hand. “Hey. It’s okay to miss her Declan. I wish I could have met her,” I attempt to comfort him. I’m not sure it’s working but I mean everything I say.

He sniffs, “Thanks, Rowen. It’s hard to talk about her sometimes. But that’s one of the things that makes me so comfortable with starting a relationship with you. I think she would approve.”

That makes me smile. “You think she would be happy with you sharing a woman with your four best friends?” I tease.

He chuckles. Maybe I am helping a little. “Yeah Rowe. I think she would be.” He opens his arms and I scoot over to cuddle against him. He wraps me up tight in his arms and squeezes me. I feel him take a deep breath while he squeezes me, and as he slowly releases it, he loosens his grip on me. “Thank you, Rowen. For trying to comfort me. I’m sure this isn’t how you expected this conversation to go.”

“I had no expectations walking into this Declan,” I say as I snuggle more into his chest. I love the feeling of his strong arms around me. “I just wanted to know how you were feeling, and you told me. There’s nothing wrong with how that happened. We both have baggage Dec. It’s okay to lean on each other.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Just one more thing to love about you, Rowen.”

We sit there, just holding each other. Offering one another some small measure of comfort as we deal with our own inner demons. He may have loved his wife and still mourns her loss, but I don’t know that I can say the same about my husband.

Since Harris died, I’ve been all messed up in the head. I’ve been remembering things differently, and it doesn’t really make any sense. I remember before he got sick, Harris would make me a cup of tea before bed. It always helped me sleep, so at the time, I didn’t really think much about it. I thought my husband was just being sweet and helping me get some much-needed rest. But when he got sick a few months before he died, he stopped making me my nightly tea.

I’m starting to think there was something in that tea he was giving me. I feel like my memories are fuzzy. Sometimes I remember something happening two different ways. It’s so confusing. I’ve begun second guessing my entire relationship with him. Was he drugging me all that time?

Declan suddenly pulls back from me, and I look up at him in surprise from his abrupt movement. “Rowen, please tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I did,” he demands.

“Um I don’t know… what do you think you just heard?” I squeak.

“You think that asshole was drugging you for your whole relationship?! Weren’t you together for ten years?” he growls.

I cower away from him. He sounds like he’s ready to kill someone. “Y-yes,” I whimper.

His shoulders slump. “Shit. I’m sorry Rowen. I didn’t mean to scare you. And for the record, I am mad enough to kill someone. If that piece of shit was still alive, you bet your ass I’d be going after him.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Well, youshouldbe sorry for listening to my thoughts again,” I snark.

---