Page 52 of Declan's Dove

A loud knock on the bathroom door pulls me out of the horrendous memory. My hand instinctively rubs at the burn marks on my bicep.

“Violet,” Declan’s thunderous voice calls through the door. “Are you all right, baby?”

I sit up in the water, covering myself with my arms. He can’t see me through the wooden door, but I still feel vulnerable and exposed.

“Yes. I’m fine. I must’ve dozed off in the tub.”

“You made a strangled noise. Are you sure you’re all right?” He sounds frustrated. Why should he be angry?

A strangled noise.

I have to get a grip on myself.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, I dozed off for a minute. I’m fine now. I’ll be getting out soon,” I call back. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“It’s all right, Dove,” his voice softens. “Just get out now, yeah? It’s not safe to fall asleep in a tub full of water,” he gently scolds.

“Yeah. I am,” I answer sheepishly, pushing a stray hair behind my ear as if he could see how uncomfortable and bad I feel for worrying him. How awkward knowing he heard me whimper at a memory of my past life.

I pull the plug and shout back, “I’m getting out now. I’ll be down as soon as I’m dressed.”

“Ok, Dove. I’m going to set the plates. Come down when you’re ready.”

I wait until I hear his retreating footsteps before I step out of the tub, wrapping myself in a soft yellow bath sheet. It feels amazing against my skin as I sit on the edge of the tub, cradling my face in my hands and just breathe.

I would never have stolen the evidence Vincenzo asked for from our home if I thought James would find us again. Vincenzo has a lot of pull, but James has innumerous people in power backing him. Law enforcement is on the bottom rung of the ladder he’s climbed up. He has lawyers, judges, senators. Those are just the corrupt leaders he has in the legal system. The people he works with on the other side of the law, those are the people I fear the most. Those men have a reach I know I can’t outrun for too long.

Even so, the deal Vincenzo made with Kayce to hide us away and give us the protection of his men should we need them was only valid if I brought him the evidence personally.

Once I did that, Vincenzo gave me a job and an apartment in the middle of town. He helped get us new identities, then got Carter enrolled in school. Once I got the job at Knock Outs gym, I quit working at The Pearl. Vincenzo wasn’t upset about my leaving. In fact, he was happy for me. He knew dancing wasn’t my first choice for a job and understood why I wanted to leave. I wanted to be working when Carter was at school and home for him afterward instead of leaving him with a sitter all night. None of it matters if James finds us.

It's been two years since Carter and I fled our house in Baron’s Edge, watching as it went up in flames. Maybe that’s all the time we have. Perhaps our time for peace was meant to be fleeting, and now it is drawing to a close.

“God, I just wish I could relax. Breathe. Even just for a night.” The words of my heavy heart fill the empty room, but there’s no one here to hear them but me.

Declan was right when he said I’d love to let him take control for a while and take a break from everything. I don’t know about the taking orders part. I’m not one for kinky sex.

You’ve never had kinky sex, so how would you know?

Okay. Maybe I’ve thought about it, but it’s not something I would consider now.

If he could help you relax and let go, just for one night, it couldn’t hurt.

No. My own desires are not important. The way I feel about Declan, the future he claims we’ll have, is one that hopeful dreams are made of, but I can’t allow myself to do anything more than imagine it. Dreams are not for people like me. My dreams have always turned into nightmares.

I thought it was so wonderful having found James my senior year of high school and being swept off my feet. He’s older than me and was already a deputy when I met him, but my father thought we were a great match, so he allowed me to date James.

He was charming, thoughtful, and made me feel special. When I talked about college, he seemed encouraging about it until I got my acceptance letter for a college in California. James got so upset, he teared up and asked me to marry him, promising I could go to college here at home and he would help pay for it. I agreed.

Things were good for the first few months after our wedding, but somewhere along the line, James changed. He began accusing me of cheating on him, then one night after coming home late from a study group in the library—it was the first time he hit me.

He apologized and swore he wouldn’t do it again, and being young and naive, I believed him.

Things were better for a while, especially after I told him I was pregnant. I was so excited about having a baby until James told me I would have to drop out of school immediately because he would no longer pay my tuition. He wanted me to stay home and raise our son, not get an education. I argued with him over the whole idea and how absurd he was being. After all, I would be pregnant for nine months before the baby was born and saw no reason I couldn’t finish the semester out at least.

James lost his temper, and after the beating he gave me, I lost our first child. The next day he went down to the college and unenrolled me from every class.

I won’t let a man control me like that ever again.

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