Page 59 of Declan's Dove

“I just noticed it was missing is all.” I shrug. He continues to add a couple of logs onto the fire, and I continue to enjoy the view, hoping and praying I can get through this conversation in one piece and without causing Declan to change his mind about me and Carter. Once he knows how far James’s reach can go, he may decide we’re too much trouble.

“You want me to put it on? Give you the full fucked-by-a-biker experience later?”

I wave him off. “You’re starting to make me rethink my decision.”

“Too late. You already said you’re mine. No take backs.”

“You may change your mind on that,” I mumble, but he heard me.

Once the fire is stoked and my feet are tucked tightly under a blanket, Declan sits beside me, placing my feet in his lap. It’s not quite the distance I was hoping for, but who am I to turn down a foot rub from a man with strong hands like this? I almost moan as he squeezes my foot with both hands. He must know what he’s doing to me because he’s grinning like the ass he is.

“Okay, Dove. Tell me.”

Deep breath. In, then out. I repeat to myself three times.

“I met James when I was still in high school. I was a senior, and he was already working for the sheriff’s department. He knew my dad from work, and they hit it off pretty well. My dad invited James over for dinner a few times and would talk about what a great cop he was and how he would make a fine family man someday.”

“Your dad was in James’s corner from the beginning then.” It’s a statement, not a question, but I nod in answer anyway.

“My dad was a district attorney and a very good one at that. He was also a compulsive gambler who loved his bourbon. He would get to drinking and before too long, he lost everything he had in savings.” I play with my hands in my lap, pushing the mental images away, trying to keep focused. “James had asked my father if he would be okay with us dating. Like I said, he had been over several times, and we’d had some good conversations about school and life plans. You know, just getting to know one another stuff. My dad agreed so long as James agreed not to try to sleep with me unless we were married.” I chuckle. “My father thought I was a virgin, apparently. I thought he was crazy for even mentioning sex in front of James, but there was something about that night I never noticed until years later.”

“What’s that?”

“My father knew about James’s addiction. They were both familiar with each other’s vices and they used them to their advantage against one another whenever they could. Like when my father ran out of money, James made his debt go away, but only if my father helped clear some criminal asshole of all charges.”

“And what was James’s addiction?”

“Underaged girls.”

“Fucking hell.” Declan scrubs his hand down his face, takes a deep breath, then releases it. “And your dad, was he into little girls, too? Did he ever …” Declan’s eyes are wide and full of pity.

“No. My father never touched me inappropriately. He put men like that away in prison.” My shoulders droop as I pretend to pick at a nonexistent piece of lint on the blanket. “I never figured out what my father was until after Kayce came to rescue us.” It’s the truth.

“I knew my father was a prick of a man, but I couldn’t believe he was involved with some of the shit my husband was in to. Gambling, drinking, absolutely. But trafficking, drugs, kidnapping … those things didn’t seem like something my father could be a part of.”

“What other addictions does old James have? Money? Drugs?”

I look at Declan through my lashes, the shame and embarrassment keeping me from looking him directly in the eye. “James has a thing for power. Money. Sex. And children.”

“Fuck me.” Declan’s grip on my foot tightens, and I whimper a little at the pain. He quickly releases me and apologizes, gently rubbing the place he squeezed. “I’m sorry, Dove. So, sorry. I just—you caught me off guard,” he says as I watch so many emotions flickering through his eyes. “You said children? Carter?”

“No! God, no.” My words come out harsher than planned. “I kept Carter away from his father as much as possible and never left them alone. Besides, it was my job to care for the child,” I sneer. “James couldn’t be bothered with our son unless he needed to keep me in line or wanted to use him to parade in front of others. Showing people what a great father and role model James was.” My eyes roll of their own accord.

“Fucking asshole,” Declan growls.

I nod in complete agreement with his assessment. “It sickened me when I learned about James and the shit it did to those poor children. I had always been terrified for my son, but I never knew James was capable of the things Kayce told me he had done.” I sniffle. “I learned about James’s affinity for young girls after our second year of marriage. I assumed he was cheating on me with someone since he would come home late and often smelled like he’d drenched himself in a bottle of cologne. It wasn’t until I overheard a conversation between him and Judge Mackafey, a friend of ours, after dinner in James’s study. James was blackmailing the judge into casting a verdict for a man who double crossed James’s employer?—”

“A judge can’t do that without the jury,” Declan interrupts.

“You’d be surprised at what can be done behind doors and in a short amount of time if you have the right information.”

Declan leans back in his seat, turning more toward me, keeping one hand on my foot. “Go on.”

“I didn’t understand at the time who James was talking about, since the only job I thought he had was working for the sheriff’s department. I was clueless about the world outside our home. After we were married, James got me pregnant as quickly as he could, and then I dropped out of college and was consumed by our son. I hadn’t thought to pay attention to anything else, and that’s what James had counted on. My ignorance and willingness to obey.” Tears cloud my vision, but I manage to hold them in and continue around the lump forming in my throat.

“The guilt I feel for ignoring what I found out and allowing James to hurt so many people, even to this day, I still carry it with me.”

“He had you convinced he was a good man. It’s not your fault you didn’t see behind the mask he wore,” Declan soothes. “And after he turned his fist on you, baby, you were focused on survival. No one would blame you.”

---