Page 25 of The Road to Ruined

"He's a fucking professional," Hazel says. "I'm just angry now. And I feel bad—for Layla, for Heidi, for me and Riv. I feel bad for all those fans who hurt themselves for something that wasn't real. And I feel bad for you, Teagan, because you still believe in him. I can see it in your eyes."

"So, you meant it, then?" I ask. "Everything you said on TV? You don't think any of it was real?"

Hazel shakes her head. "Declan De Rossi is not a god, Teagan. He never was. He's just a sick man with a lot of money who getsoff on controlling the people around him. And what better way to control people than with love and affection, the promise of a family and a place to belong? Especially people like us who have spent their whole lives searching for exactly that…who would do anything to keep it."

"You believe this, too?" I ask River.

"Yeah," she says, nodding as her blue eyes meet mine. "I do."

"I know you're right—on some level, I do. But…he said he loved me," I tell them. "He let me carve my initial into his chest. It was real to me.Wewere a family. Nothing has ever felt so real in my entire life."

"But itwasn'treal, Teagan. The only person Declan De Rossi loves is himself—maybe Luca, too, but only as anextensionof himself. In reality, spilling his blood must have meant nothing to him. There was still a small part of you that wasn't completely under his thumb, and he knew that was the best way to fix it. That's all."

"It broke my heart, too," I cry. "I waited, too. Every day, I waited for him to come back. He promised he'd never leave me—that I'd never have to be alone again. It was the last thing he said to me."Close your eyes and count to thirty."But I am…I'm completely alone."

"Hazel's right, Teagan. You need to move on—forget about them the way they forgot about us. Look out for yourself…that's what we're doing. We're not going to wait around for them to kill us."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"We're getting out."

"Come with us," River says, taking my hand in hers.

"I don't know—" Hazel starts.

"Why not?" River asks. "She's right. It was real for us, too, and wewerea family. And she's in trouble—she's not safe, either. We can't leave her."

Hazel looks between the two of us, then leans forward in her chair and sighs. "There is one person…who really did care about us," she says, lowering her voice. "We're going to make it look like we killed ourselves—it's not that far-fetched, right? Everyone knows bloodsluts love to kill themselves. And he's going to help us get new identities and disappear somewhere in the Canadian wilderness."

"Eli?" I ask.

"We could talk to him," River says. "He'd help you, too. We wouldn't be able to go together—it would be too obvious—but we couldbetogether."

"I don't know. I mean, how do you know they're going to kill you? Why would they?"

"Loose ends," Hazel says. "For fun, because that's what they do. You've seen it, Teagan, haven't you? I have."

"Yeah," I tell her. "I've seen it…in Portland."

"I saw it in Germany. This isn't a love story, Teagan. It's a survival story."

"Even if they are just watching us, we can't even get jobs, Teagan," River says. "No one will hire me, andeverywhereneeds nurses. We're almost out of money—that's why Hazel did the show."

"Yep, and they made sure I knew they were there, too."

"We'll have to choose between air conditioning and groceries soon," Riv adds.

"And I've tried everything, too," Hazel says. "I can't even get a job packing boxes at a warehouse or as an overnight store clerk making minimum wage. You know what I did before all of this? I worked for an airline; it was a good job. I don't know what I was thinking. It feels like—"

"A dream," I finish. "That's how it feels for me, too."

But beyond that, it feels like my entire foundation has been turned upside-down to the point that everything looks and feels foreign.

"Come with us," River says. "Fuck this place, fuck the gold-faced assholes, and fuck Declan fucking De Rossi."

"I…can't," I tell her. "I love you—both of you—but I can't."

"Why not?" she asks.

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