Page 23 of Slay the Gay Away, Daddy

She shakes her head slowly. Almost mournfully. “No, Miles. I don’t think it’s ever been for me.”

I place the flower on the chest of drawers beside her door, then shove my hands into my pockets. “Was any of it real for you? I know we’ve had our issues, but we loved each other once, didn’t we?”

She shimmies over, patting the empty space next to her. I take the seat she’s offering, startling when she slides her hand in mine. “I do love you, but it’s not a romantic love, and I think if we’re both being brutally honest, it never has been.” She tightensher grip, smiling supportively at me. “Darren’s going to love the flower.”

“It feels like I’m cheating on you.” I inwardly cringe, adding, “And with a man.”

“It’s not ideal, I’ll give you that, but I’ve always known you were gay. I knew this was a possibility.” She squeezes my hand. “We’ve steadily been letting each other go for years. We’ve been sexually unsatisfied our entire adult lives.” Her grip tightens. “We’re basically virgins. I will not die a virgin, Miles Brooks, and I don’t expect you to, either. So go out there and enjoy yourself. If you decide to kiss, it’s fine by me. If you do more, I couldn’t care less. Just go out there and have fun.” She grabs her phone and lifts it to show me her screen. There’s a profile picture of a handsome man smiling out at the world. “I’ll be having fun with Javier. Did you know people can have sex on their phones now?” I arch an eyebrow, but she just shrugs it off. “Well,theycan, andtheywill be from nine until eleven tonight, so don’t come down here crying over Darren Matthews while it’s happening.” Once I pick my jaw up off the floor, she eyes me up and down curiously. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” I admit. Platonic or otherwise, I haven’t been on a date in decades. Now, I’m supposed to take my best friend on one? I stare down at her hand, now resting on my knee. I don’t ask permission, just latch on, weaving our fingers together, unable to look her in the eyes. “It’s a sin. Just because I don’t preach about it at church, that doesn’t make it any less of one.” It’s what has me worried, mostly. Going on this date is like abiding sin. Whatever Darren has or hasn’t done to me while I was sedated is between him and God. I bear no blame for it. But this thing—what he’s asking me to do—means making the active choice to sin. Yeah, I could wrap the situation in as much red tape I can pull out of my backside, playing it off as a platonic entanglement, but God knows my heart. He knows the way it always beats abit faster when Dare’s around. Sin is sin, and this thing Darren’s asking of me is the biggest sin I’ll ever commit.

When I finally lift my gaze to meet Mal’s, she’s got her eyebrows scrunched together. “Your walk with God is yours alone. Personally, I haven’t walked with him since I was a kid.”

“What does that mean?”

“At the risk of making your head explode, I haven’t been a believer since I was young. None of it ever made much sense to me. Talking snakes. Burning bushes. The blatant misogyny. It’s terribly archaic. Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing. Then there's everything that happened in Guadalajara.”

“Not the Guadalajara story again” I say, sighing. If I have to listen to her blame an entire city for the sins of one rogue telemarketer again . . . Wait. Did she just say— “An atheist? Under this God-fearing roof?” I hop off the bed like the blanket is on fire. “And you didn’t think to tell me? I’m your husband, Mal.” I close my eyes and sigh. “Next, you’ll be telling me you voted blue in the last election.”

When she remains silent for far too long, I look up, horrified to see her smirking. “We may have lost the election, but we are still not going back.”

“Oh, Jesus of Nazareth,” I say, flinging my hands in the air. “On your knees. We need to pray about this. We have to beg God for forgiveness. I’m not going to have a left-leaning liberal—” My words end on a squeak when someone brushes against my butt. I turn to find Darren moving behind me.

Earlier, he headed back to his house to grab clothes for our date. I guess he must have let himself in through the attic, because otherwise I would have heard the door. Mal’s room is right beside it.

“You could have just used the front door,” I tell him.

“Where’s the fun in that?” He wraps an arm around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder like we’re a couple. It’s the most bizarre moment of my life so far.

“Now, back to the matter at hand. You voted blue, too, Miles.” Scratch that. Second most bizarre moment of my life so far.

I jerk away and glare at him. “I am a proud Republican.”

“Log cabin Republican, maybe,” Mal jokes, and surprisingly, Darren snickers along.

“What are you, best friends all of a sudden?” I ask. When I turn to scold him for it, Darren shakes his head like he knows me better than I’ll ever know myself.

“You’ll have to forgive me, but the stakes were far too high this election, so I dosed your coffee with Meadows’ medication before we went to the polls. The thing is, it’s not just a sleeping pill. It’s what our agency uses for uncooperative people. It’s just Benadryl and some herbs, but it works as a truth serum of sorts. You voted for the person your heart told you to vote for. That’s what you told me later that night.” A tear slips down his cheek, and he wipes it away, kissing his teary fingertip, whispering, “I’m sorry, Mamala. We all know it was rigged.” He looks up at me, his eyes misty and sentimental. “You held me as I wept for the future of our nation. Thank you for being there when I needed you.”

I don’t remember a word of what I said that night, but whatever it was, if it earned me another look like the one he’s giving me now, I’d do it again. If it’s down to politics, I’ll vote blue in every election for the rest of my life if it means more of him looking at me like this. The pure, raw admiration in his eyes is overwhelming.

I move toward the dresser, wanting to make that smile spread even wider, and grab the pretty flower for my pretty Dare.

“Miles,” Darren whispers when I turn to look at him, holding the flower, my cheeks burning. He’s got this amazed look in his eyes like he’s witnessing a miracle. “Is that for me?”

“Yeah,” I admit. “I guess it is.”

He walks toward me with hope radiating out of his eyes as he takes the flower, and he presses his forehead against mine.

“Are you ready?” I finally ask. “For the date?”

He slowly pulls away. “I can’t wait.”

Heat spreads through my cheeks that I can’t explain, and I clear my throat, looking away. “I thought we could have a picnic. Do you want to help me get the food together?” He slides his hand in mine, and I quickly pop it away. “Nope. We won’t be doing any of that.”

“We’ll see.”

I pull out of the driveway, gasping when Darren reaches across the truck’s front seat and squeezes my hand. I instinctively jerk away, but his grip tightens, locking me in place.

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