Page 72 of Eyes in the Shadows

“Dimitri wouldn’t think to ask why—the reason you gave for wanting to change the plan makes sense to him. But I have been wondering.”

“What?”

“If you’re doing this for civilian casualty #4.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what that means.”

“It’s what she called herself once,” Wes glances up the stairs. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you chose to save her, and now you want to minimize fatalities.”

“Maybe not,” I shrug.

“This is not an accusation. I simply find it interesting. She’s interesting, or rather, having an interesting effect.”

“So, what, you just want to show me you’re smart enough to have figured out she had something to do with this?”

“No…” he shakes his head and sighs. “Forget it.”

I’m a dick. And probably too fucking sensitive on the subject of Eleanor. “Wait, no, tell me.”

“We could all do with a fresh perspective now and again, and I think it got too easy to treat peoples’ lives as obstacles,” he begins slowly, seeming to choose his words. “I think it’s good that she is pushing you—us, by extension—to reexamine the sacrifices we’re willing to make. But she cares, James. Too much, maybe. If we did anything other than kill people for a living…”

I cross my arms. “She’s… We’re coming to terms.”

“Maybe you are. But I don’t think you’re looking ahead, and I think that’s a mistake. It won’t work if you don’t decide to make it work. You can’t strongarm this one and hope it goes your way—both of you have to engineer it.”

As much as I want to pummel him for it, he’s right. “I’m on it.”

“Good. I like her. And I like her for you. I want her to… stay, whatever that means. And only a little bit because she’s keeping us all fed.”

I nod and start my ascent as he gives me a smile of commiseration and heads for the kitchen.

My girl is asleep. I hadn’t really expected her to stay awake, and if she had her phone, I would have texted that I was held up. She’s kicked off her covers and is laying on her stomach, one leg crooked up, both arms under the pillow. I sit in the chair across the room, watching her body rise and fall with her even breathing.

I just bought us a little more time; it’ll put off the inevitable for another few days, maybe a week—as long as it takes Rossi to try to hit back after the attack on his ego. But Wesley is right. As per fucking usual.

I’ve been actively avoiding thinking about what happens after tomorrow night. After Rossi is gone. After I have to…

What do I have to do? Leave her? That’s not fucking happening. Make a choice, then? Why does it have to be zero sum?

She makes a soft sound in her sleep and my cock almost instantly hardens. It’s a breathy noise, almost a moan. She shifts on her stomach, straightening her leg and pulling the pillow closer.

“Mac,” she whispers.

I freeze. I can see her clearly in the darkness—my pupils adjust very quickly—but her head is tilted so I don’t know if her eyes are open. She didn’t sound awake.

She makes that same moaning noise again and I’m done. She’s asleep and if she’s dreaming, it’s about me. I bet she’s even still wet from getting primed before falling asleep. She’s always wet by the time I touch her. It drives me fucking crazy.

Silently, I stalk over to the bed. Once I’m standing over her, I pull off my shirt. The noise it makes as it hits the floor is a low rustle of fabric. My pants are next. I shift my weight onto the bed incrementally, so the mattress doesn’t move too much, and get into position slowly until I’m kneeling with her legs trapped under me.

Up on my knees, the view is spectacular. I can see her cream-colored, pale skin in the moonlight, the way her tank top has shifted in her sleep and is revealing most of a hard nipple, the way her shorts have ridden up and that she’s not wearing underwear…

Bending slightly, I reach forward and gently move the shorts aside. Yup, they’re soaked. She’s soaked. I run my finger where her lips come together, relishing in the slick, wet heat of her.

Fuck, I need her.

I know that even now, as it sits undisturbed and turned off in our safe, her phone has a saved incognito tab with a filthy little story about a girl getting fucked by a home invader while she’s asleep. I know that rape fantasies are common, just like I know that fantasy is the key word there. When we discussed our fantasies, this scenario didn’t come up specifically, but she did admit she particularly likes being taken, feeling out of control.

And it just so happens that I love taking it from her.

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