Page 111 of Sweet Ruin

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot while you’ve been gone. About how angry I felt and how on edge I’ve been about you and Noah lately. That’s not who I am. That’s not the kind of guy I want to be.”

“I know that, Wes. And I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way.”

He shook his head. “That’s the thing. You’ve done nothing wrong. I just think that after what happened with Sarah, perhaps I don’t know how to trust in a relationship anymore.”

He looked away, and as he broke eye contact, I felt like I was losing him. “Wes?”

“We both know we rushed into this relationship,” he said. “Being together made us both feel better. But I’m beginning to think that was a mistake.”

I stepped toward him. “You don’t mean that.”

He swallowed and finally looked at me again, his eyes glistening with pain. “I care about you so much, Isobel. Too much to keep you to myself when I know it will only make us both miserable.”

A part of me wanted to argue. To tell him he was wrong and that we wouldn’t be miserable. But another part of me wondered if perhaps he had a point. We’d fallen into our relationship so quickly—too quickly, perhaps. And when I thought about it, I knew he was right, and neither one of us had been ready. It didn’t stop me from caring deeply about him though, and it wasn’t easy for me to let him go.

“I can’t control the jealousy I feel when I see Noah looking at you,” he continued. “I want to lose my mind when I catch the two of you talking. And seeing you in his hoodie today? Well, it made me see red. I don’t want to be that guy in a relationship, and you sure as hell deserve better. I need time to be single. To work on properly healing my heart before I start another relationship.”

I cradled my arms around my body as I stared at him. I’d been preparing for these words all afternoon, and yet I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “So, you want to break up?”

“Yes. I think that would be better for both of us.”

I did my best to swallow down the pain those words inflicted. Wes and I had been so good together, and yet somehow, we’d ended up here. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to. I’m still here for you.”

“What? As a friend?”

“I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, but yeah, I still want that for us.”

I nodded, but I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze.

Wes stepped to me and took my hand in his. “Isobel?”

I looked up at him.

“I really do think this is for the best. We were great together, but I don’t think you’ve been honest with yourself. And I think with time and space you’re going to realize that I’m not the guy you want.” He winced as he spoke, and I could see how hard it was for him to admit.

“But you’re perfect.”

“I’m not.” He released a sad laugh. “And even if I was, I don’t think I’m the perfect guy for you.” He slowly shook his head. “It’s always been Noah. Since the moment you arrived at Weybridge. I know you think you’ve moved on from him, but I can tell you haven’t even if you can’t.”

I didn’t know what to say. If Wes had told me these things just last night, I would have denied them. But this afternoon had made me realize I still held feelings for Noah, and despite what I’d believed, I’d never really gotten over him.

“I really care about you, Wes.”

“I know,” he agreed. “And I really care about you too. But I think you know I’m right about us. We’re not working together. Not as we are. Not at the moment.”

I released a breath, and with it, all the fight I had left. “Okay.” My voice sounded so small.I felt so small. I kept waiting for my heart to shatter, but maybe it had already broken too many times; maybe there was no longer any part of it left to destroy. Instead, I just felt empty and sad. Most of all, I feared I might be losing a friend as well as a boyfriend.

Wes pulled me into a hug, and I held him tightly in return. I hadn’t shed a single tear since we’d started talking, and I wondered if perhaps I was empty of those too. We stood there for five minutes. Then ten. When we finally stepped away from each other, I felt both better and worse. I didn’t want to lose Wes, but he had spoken sense. Our relationship wasn’t what it should be, and if we stayed together, it would only continue to deteriorate.

I needed time to look into my heart and work out what I wanted, and if Wes felt like he couldn’t trust in a relationship right now and needed time to heal, then that was something he deserved. It didn’t stop this from sucking though. It didn’t stop it from being hard.

“I think I might go to bed,” I said. “We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

Wes smiled and leaned over to give me a kiss on the head. I breathed in his scent, but he stepped away all too quickly.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

---