Page 2 of Deviant

Made sense, considering he was the bearer of bad news.

“Where is he?”

“He’s gone, Alex.”

“Gone where? Tell me!” I jumped to my feet and fisted the cold bars, glaring at the messenger’s shadowy form. “Please.” My voice cracked, betraying my inherent weakness. “Where is he?”

“I told you. Rafe isgone. He’s not coming back.”

I wailed. I tried shaking the bars loose. Then I wailed some more, unable to bear this freezing agony of pitch-black, trapped inside the cage of Rafe’s absence. I sank to the concrete as the last minuscule of hope seeped from my body.

We’d been through too much, had come too far.

All for nothing.

Rafe was gone, and I was alone in the dark.

I jerked awake to the deep croak of a bullfrog. A blanket of shadows slumbered with us in our tent, and Rafe lay beside me, undisturbed by my nightmare as he draped an arm across my stomach. I held my breath for several seconds, afraid he’d detect the rampant beat of my heart.

No one’s heart should pound so fast. It was unnatural, had to be dangerous. My limbs trembled, sweat bathed my cleavage, yet I felt chilled to the soul. Slowly, I resumed breathing.

Still, he slept.

And I couldn’t fault him for that. In fact, I was grateful he hadn’t awakened. Between the nightmares and our propensity for sexual depravity that kept us awake into the wee hours of the morning, sleep was scarce.

I lifted his hand from my belly, where his palm warmed the tattoo of his name imprinted on my skin, and extricated myself from his side to pull on a long-sleeved flannel shirt that fell mid-thigh. I unzipped the tent, wincing as the sound tore through the night. The bullfrog fell silent for a few seconds, and I held my breath as I waited for Rafe to catch me escaping. I wasn’t going far, but he didn’t like when I sought solitude at times like these.

If he knew I was keeping my nightmares from him, he’d take his belt to my ass. The thought made me wet between the thighs, as it always did, but I wasn’t foolish enough to believe the punishment would end with my sexual gratification. With the pain of his discipline came another kind of ache. True punishment lay in the way he left me on the edge of needing to come.

Even knowing what I would face after he learned of the doubts plaguing me—and he would find out—I still kept the insecurities to myself, because I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he realized my trust in him was wavering.

As I approached the shoreline of the lake where he’d taught me to swim, I wished I were brave enough to dive into the cool water and wash away this illogical neurosis that refused to stop haunting me. But fear was a tricky entity that didn’t conform to logic. Maybe I was destined to be afraid.

Of the water in front of me.

Of Rafe leaving.

Disappearing.

Poof.

Gone.

No matter how much time went by, I couldn’t shake it. Determined to test the phobia staring me in the face now, I shuffled my feet toward the water and submerged my toes. Despite the warm summer night, gooseflesh erupted on my skin. My pulse sped up again, the urge to retreat overwhelming.

Still, I forced my feet into the lake and tilted my face toward the canvas of sparkling diamonds that weren’t as visible in the city. The moon hung in the sky, a sliver that rippled across the water. This spot was private, peaceful, but the sense of contentment that usually came when I gazed at the night sky was absent. Closing my eyes, I inhaled the fresh air and swayed to the tune of harmless amphibians and chirping insects.

But the tightening in my chest refused to abate. I inched a hand under the sleeve of my flannel and scraped my nails down my arm, digging in as deep as they’d go, and exhaled as the addictive sting rushed through me. It wasn’t enough, wasneverenough.

The sound of footsteps drifted to where I stood, and I pulled my hand out from under my sleeve before Rafe settled his large hands on my shoulders. “What are you doing?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“How come?”

The truth caught in my throat, and I swallowed it down. “A frog woke me.”

His heavy sigh rustled my hair. “Stop lying to me. I know you’ve been having nightmares again.”

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