Page 27 of Capricorn

Liam, pulling me back from the brink.

Our desperate union in his penthouse, afterward.

His heartbreaking devastation.

I picture him buckling to the floor, dragging me with him, both of us trembling from cold and adrenaline. Regret slithers through me, and a chill skates across my skin. I brush my fingers over the gooseflesh rising on my arms.

“Your resistance is telling.” The doctor’s tone takes on a thoughtful cadence. “If there was nothing to be ashamed of, you’d have no trouble talking about it, would you?”

I snap my attention back to him, teeth clenched. He commands the space with practiced authority, but his words fall with a casual edge that shoots unease through me.

“Guilt often takes the shape of silence,” he says with a wave of his hand. “Or maybe it was something else. A cry for help? Is that why you were on the cliffs?”

I push the memory of last night’s snowy trek aside and focus on the fireplace, where the flames dance in pirouettes.

“I want to help you through this, Novalee, but I can’t do that unless you meet me somewhere in the middle. It doesn’t even have to be halfway, but I need you to give me something.”

“Last night was…”

Blurred from alcohol.

Drenched in grief.

Sharpened by guilt.

“Cold,” I finally answer.

He purses his full lips. “What else?”

“And dark.”

“Are you afraid of the dark?”

“Last night, I wasn’t.”

Numb to the core, I’d found the kind of darkness I’ve never experienced before, with its void inviting me into the fold, promising to swaddle me against pain and tragedy. In that moment, there wasn’t a scary thing about it.

“What prompted you to venture outside?” he asks, as if the answer is simple. As if he’s not dredging up the words I can’t unsay to Liam.

The guilt I can’t outrun.

I want to squirm, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction.

“When was the last time you felt in control?” he asks, steering the conversation in a new direction, his voice gentler now, laced with persuasion.

“You mean…since I’ve been here?”

Never.

“I mean in your life, your body, your emotions.”

My lips part, but no answer comes.

“I imagine it’s been a while, but that’s what grief does, Novalee. It steals control and makes you powerless.”

“How do I get it back?” Instantly, I want to rewind time and tape my mouth shut.

“By understanding that it’s not about avoidance. Desire, grief, pain…” His fingers drum against the armrest. “Ignoring these emotions won’t make them disappear. They’ll just show up in other ways.”

---