“Mmm,” I said easily.“Yes, yes.Bitchy jinn.Very dangerous.So scary.I’m going to start siphoning off some of that darkness for you now, okay?”
I could almost hear his teeth grinding together.But he didn’t actually object.So I opened up my aura, just a little bit more, drawing in some of the dark, heavy emotional energy that surrounded him.
“I hate that you can do that,” he said after a time, his voice nearly a whisper.
“I know,” I replied in the same soft tone.It was too much like what Hasumi had done for him.
But instead of feeding him lighter, more positive emotions, the way Hasumi would have, I was simply devouring the dark ones.Hasumi and I had worked really well in tandem.I kind of felt like I was missing my other half in times like this.It was a weird sensation for someone who had never relied on anyone before all this.
Which, I realized, was probably a big part of what Aahil was feeling as well.The jinn had hated that he had to rely on Hasumi to keep him in check when his powers and his emotions were too much for him.But he had come to trust in Hasumi.He had actuallylikedthe water weaver.Maybe loved them.Having to suddenly manage it all alone must be painful.And allowing someone like me to see and ease his struggles instead—someone he had a lukewarm relationship with at best… it had to be awful.
“I don’t hate you, Aahil,” I told him truthfully, daring a glance to the side as I continued to siphon off the worst of the darkness surrounding him.“I know I’m not your favorite person in the world.But I do want to help.”
He let his head thunk back against the wall, then rolled it to the side so his glowing gold eyes met mine.“I know.”
I thought that was all he was going to say.And that was fine.It was enough.At least he was letting me take awaysomeof his pain.Maybe it would be enough to keep him from wanting to hurt himself.
I was surprised when he spoke into the silence that stretched between us.“I don’t actually hate you either.Surprisingly.”Another pause.“I’m trying,” he said haltingly.“Or, Iwastrying.To stop pushing everyone away.To stop… being so me, I suppose.”
He looked down, his dark, red-streaked hair falling forward to hide his face, clearly mortified by his own words.“Idiot,” he muttered.“Forget I said that.I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
I braced myself and did possibly the most dangerous thing I’d done in quite some time.I scooted closer and placed my hand on his knee.“What’swrongwith you is that you just lost your lover.Your friend.And one of your biggest sources of stability and safety.Aahil, why are you hiding up here when you should be downstairs being comforted by Andy, or Zong, or… literally any of the others who are so good at loving you?”
He shook his head, his long hair still hiding his face.“Because I’m afraid, Ambrose,” he whispered, so faint I could barely make out the words.“Fucking afraid.”
“I can taste that,” I said lightly, attempting to ease his discomfort.“It’s quite delicious.But what is it you’re afraid of?”
He closed his eyes.“I’m afraid that without Hasumi, I’ll go back to how I was before,” he admitted slowly.Hesitantly.As if he really was making a concerted effort to open up to me.Astounding, given this wasAahil.“I’m afraid I’ll loose myself again, and this time I won’t be able to find my way back.I’m afraid I’ll be fine one second, and the next I’ll lose control of the fire and burn down everything and everyone I’ve come to care about.”
Oh.Well, of course.
“You won’t,” I said evenly.
He finally opened his eyes and lifted his head, fire sparking in the depths of his glowing eyes.“And you’re so sure of that?So sure you’re willing to risk them all?Jinn fire is nearly unstoppable when it’s truly unleashed.Would you see me burn them all to ash?Would you live with the sounds of Oleander’s dying screams echoing in your ears for eternity?Or your necromancer?I’d rather wither away and die up here alone than… than… ever hurt anyone against my will ever again.”
“Oh, jinn,” I said on an exhale, drinking even deeper from the well of pain and fear he was wallowing in, unspooling it and pulling it inside me where it was transmuted into power and vitality.Without thinking, I slipped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in against my side.
I was shocked when he allowed it.Even more stunned when he actually leaned into me, relaxing against my side with a little sigh that said he’d been longing for someone to hold him.Maybe for someone to keep him together, now that he feared falling apart again.
“It’s okay,” I said, letting my shadows envelop us, hiding the jinn’s embarrassing vulnerability from the world.“I’ve got you.”
And I rested my cheek against his silky soft head as the fiery little jinn sobbed his broken heart out.
Chapter 15
Aahil
Pathetic.Iwasabsolutelypathetic.But the thought hardly held any weight for me anymore.I’d spent so much time feeling pathetic since I was imprisoned in the Bestiary.And after.The feeling had practically lost its ability to affect me.
Hasumi was gone.Vanished into the aether in one quick burst of magic.For a day or two there, I had been stupid enough to think maybe they had survived.Maybe they had simply dematerialized or turned into vapor to escape the spell and would reform before my eyes when I was least expecting it, alive and whole, and too beautiful for this world.
I was a fool.People died.Even nearly immortal elementals.It was a simple fact.And yet, I couldn’t seem to get past the pain that clung to me every waking moment of every day.As I sat there next to the annoying boogeyman who wouldn’t take a hint and leave me the fuck alone… the unwanted epiphany finally wormed its way inside me.
I couldn’t just get over it, because Hasumi hadn’t been just another elemental.Just an acquaintance or an occasional fun fuck.They had helped me from the moment they met me, back before I even knew whathelpwas.Back before I admitted Iwantedto live.And they had held me together recently, too.When the fucking O’Leary bastards nearly destroyed me.It was all because of Hasumi and Andy that I was even alive right now, and in control of my own mind and powers.But this pain was more than that.
I cared for Hasumi.Deeply.I… loved them.It turned outthatwas my problem.The reason I was falling apart once again.The thought washed through me, and my first instinct was to reject it.Ridiculous enough that I loved the witch.Loving and becoming attached tomultiplepeople was just nonsense.Weakness.
But in the end, I was just too tired to fight it.Too tired of trying to keep all of my swirling emotions in check.So, I gave up.I gave in.I collapsed against the stupid boogeyman and let the feelings overwhelm me, crying so hard I feared there’d be nothing left of me but sand in the end.