Page 68 of The Last Flight

“I can’t.”

“You have to,” Liz insisted. “This is how you get your life back.”

Eva tried not to lose her temper. “It doesn’t work like it does on TV. Even if Dex goes to jail, I’m still at risk. No matter where I go, his people will find me. I tried to make Agent Castro understand this, but he said his hands were tied.” Eva began to cry, great hiccupping sobs, and Liz wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight.

“You have to stop running,” she said into the top of Eva’s head. “Stop covering up lies with more lies.”

“It’s not that simple,” Eva said, pulling back and wiping her eyes. “Castro thinks I can testify and then somehow go back to my regular life. As if Dex would ever let me get that far. The only thing I can do is leave. Disappear and let Castro figure it out without me.”

She waited for Liz to argue with her, to threaten to turn her in. But Liz just said, “Okay. Let’s follow this line of thinking. Where will you go?”

Eva shrugged. “I’ll stay in New York for a while. Find a way to get a fake passport. I have money.”

Liz nodded. “A fake passport. And then you’ll leave the country?”

Eva knew what Liz was doing. She’d had a professor at Berkeley use this kind of Socratic method to help students reason out an argument. But she went along with it. “Yes.”

Liz rolled her glass between her hands, the ice settling toward the bottom. “You’ll be someone new. Someone without a past. What will you do with your time? Will you work? Buy some property? Rent? How will you explain yourself to others?”

“I’ll figure it out. Make something up.”

“And constantly be afraid, looking over your shoulder, waiting for someone to discover the truth.” Liz’s quiet voice landed hard in Eva’s ears. “You need to make a deal, and you need to do it now.” Liz set her glass down and put her finger under Eva’s chin, forcing Eva to look at her. “What happened to you was shitty and unfair. But you have to go back and own your part of it. Either Dex is going to jail for a long time, or you are. Who’s it going to be?”

“And what if Dex’s people get to me first? He has to know by now.” Panic began to swirl around inside of Eva, and she started to cry again.

Liz handed her a tissue and said, “You have to fly back before Castro knows you’ve left. Call him the minute you land, and wait for him at the airport. Do not leave until he comes in to get you. Understand?”

“Why can’t I just disappear?” Eva whispered. “Pretend I’ve never been here?”

Liz’s eyes softened. “You know they’ll come here eventually and ask me questions. I can’t lie for you.”

Maybe this was why Eva came. To be forced to do the right thing. To be held accountable by someone who loved her enough to not let her make any more mistakes. For Liz to be the mother she’d never had.

Relief melted through her, to be able to set everything down and let someone else—someone who cared about her—tell her what to do. “Okay,” she said.

They sat together, with only the faint ticking of a clock somewhere deep inside the house, the silence between them heavy with all that Eva still wanted to say.

All her life, she’d craved connection. Family. Friendship. Then Liz came along and gave it to her, without asking for anything in return. Eva wanted to askWhy me?But she wouldn’t, because there could never be enough words to fill the hole Eva had inside of her, the deepest part of the heart, where the most precious love and the truest friendships are stored.

She knew that walking out the door tomorrow would require an act of courage Eva wasn’t sure she possessed. To turn her back and leave this life, with all its sharp edges and hard knots, and trust that there would be something on the other side for her.

“Do you remember the day we met?” Liz’s voice was the same low tenor Eva remembered from their first meeting, and it passed through her like warm honey. “I was crumpled in a heap on the ground, and you walked over and lifted me up.” Eva started to speak, but Liz silenced her with an upheld hand. “Do not ever forget who you are and what you mean to me. In a world crowded with noise and selfishness, you are a brilliant flash of kindness.” Liz turned Eva so she was facing her and held her by the shoulders. “No matter where you go, no matter what happens, know I will be out here, loving you.”

Eva let her tears fall, the last of her walls crumbling beneath Liz’s words. Every regret, every disappointment, every heartache that Eva had ever endured seeped out of her, a slow leak of sadness, until she was empty.

* * *

After she’d booked her flight back to Oakland, they sat together on the couch, Eva trying to soak up every last moment with Liz, knowing it would never be enough. From the front of the house came the sound of a key in the lock, then the door opening and closing. “Mom?” a voice called. “Are you home?”

“Back here, honey.”

A young woman came through the kitchen, tossing her keys on the counter and dropping her heavy bag on the floor. She stopped suddenly when she saw Eva and Liz on the couch. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know you had company.”

“Eva, this is my daughter, Ellie.”

Ellie rolled her eyes and stepped forward to shake Eva’s hand. “I go by Danielle now. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Claire

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