Page 109 of You Were Never Not Mine

He brought me here for a reason, I remind myself. To spend time with his family. For my family to come here as well and meet. That has to mean something. I can’t let what Iris said linger in my brain. She didn’t mean to sound so negative, andbesides, she doesn’t know what my relationship is like with August.

No one really does. Just us.

For the rest of the dinner, I’m quiet. August notices, sending me questioning looks from across the table but all I can do is offer him a tiny smile in return, though it doesn’t feel real. He can tell too. Or at the very least, sense my mood. The distress radiates from Iris like palpable waves and I feel sorry for her. She didn’t mean to upset me and I know she didn’t purposely try to hurt me either. Iris is a nice person. All of the Lancasters I’ve met are lovely people.

Save for the very one who I’m involved with. Maybe I’m in over my head. Maybe I’ve already drowned and can’t be saved.

I’m in the guest bedroom stripping out of my clothes when there’s an urgent knock on the door. The handle rattles and I hear a muffled curse. I stand in the middle of the bedroom, clad in only my bra and panties, my mouth dropping open when the door swings wide and reveals an impatient August, who strides into the room as if he owns the place. Which I suppose he does in a sense, but still.

“August, what are you do—” He doesn’t let me get the rest of my question out, talking right over me.

“What’s wrong with you?” He grabs hold of my arms, his touch gentle, his gaze searching, wandering all over my face. Looking for a sign. Or an answer. “Tell me, Sin. Something is bothering you.”

I start to shake my head. “Noth?—”

“Bullshit,” he interrupts, bending his knees so he can be at eye level with me. His gaze is imploring and the confusion I see swirling there has my stomach twisting. “What did my sister say to you? I’m going to murder her, I swear.”

“You can’t murder her. Then Astrid won’t have a mother,” I protest.

“That little monster can probably raise herself,” he mutters, though there’s no malice in his tone. He adores that baby despite the fact that he calls her a monster. I saw the way he held her earlier and when she batted his face with her chubby hand. “Tell me, Sin. What happened? Something is bothering you.”

There are a multitude of things that happened this afternoon and evening that’s led me to feel the way I do. I can’t list them all and I don’t want to. I hate feeling uneasy around him, but it’s also a familiar emotion. He’s had me on edge since the day I met him. “Iris warned me that I should make sure your intentions toward me are…true.”

The murderous gleam that appears in August’s eyes is terrifying. “I’m going to kill her.”

“No, you’re not. She was immediately apologetic and has been worried sick since she said it. And she only mentioned that because of our past.”

He lets go of me and starts pacing the length of the room, his anger radiating off of him in thick waves. “She had no business telling you that. What the fuck was she thinking? I’ve never messed with her relationship, even though I believe she can do much better than that bumbling idiot.”

“She felt bad,” I remind him. “But I suppose what she said is a little warranted. Our situation is—unique. You can’t deny it.”

He whirls on me, despair etched into his features. “I can’t change the past, no matter how badly I want to. I hate that I did that to you. Fucking hate it. And it feels like it’s always going to be thrown in my face no matter what I do.”

“I don’t throw it in your face.” Not lately at least.

“No, but others will, like Iris. And she’ll probably continue doing it too. Damn it.” He wraps his hands around the back ofhis neck and tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling. He exhales roughly. “I hate that she said something to upset you and ruin the entire weekend. I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

I go still, shock freezing me in place. Did he mean what he just said?

He drops his hands and turns toward me, his brows drawn together. “More like I shouldn’t have asked her to come this weekend. A small part of me wanted to earn her approval and look what it got me? Nothing but trouble.”

I don’t respond to him at first, still stuck on what he said. That he shouldn’t have brought me here. Does he mean it? Is our relationship doomed because of our past?

“I have to ask you, August.” I hesitate for only a moment, my voice trembling. “Are your intentions true? For me?”

His eyes go ice cold, his expression shuttering closed. “If you don’t realize what I feel for you by now, then what’s the point of this? Of us?”

My heart sinks, regret making it heavy. I regret what I said and now I know how Iris felt after she opened her mouth. “You never say how you feel about me, August. You talk about being obsessed and that you can’t get enough of me, but that’s it.”

He stares at me, disbelief all over his face. “That’s it? What you’re telling me is that what I do and say isn’t enough for you?”

“No, I?—”

“I’m sorry I disappoint you. I’m new to being in a relationship and I don’t know how to navigate it. You know this. And now you’re implying what I do and what I say isn’t good enough. If that’s the case, Sinclair, then why are you here? Why are you with me?”

I gape at him, unable to form words, the panic rising inside and gripping me in a chokehold. I try to speak, yet nothing comes out but a distressed noise that has him shaking his head and snorting in disbelief.

“Guess I’ll just have to prove it to you in a more obvious way then,” he states just before he turns and rushes out of my room, slamming the door behind him.

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