Page 35 of Home Between Homes

As he joined me back in the living room, Jack pointed to the record player. “I hope that was okay.”

“I love it,” I replied, even though the music was making me more sentimental than I already was.

He walked around the couch and positioned himself three feet away from me, his left arm raised while his right wrapped around an imaginary hip. “Care for a dance?” His cheeks turned red. After all these days, after everything we’d done, he still blushed.

My eyes wandered to his feet and then to his smile as I stood up and stepped into his arms. “Just a heads up. I don’t know how to dance to this.”

“Neither do I.” He put his right hand on my hip and pulled me close. He swayed his hips left and right, guiding me to match the rhythm of the music.

For three minutes, we surrendered to the ballad. We didn’t know what we were doing, but we did it in sync.

I rested my chin on his collarbone. “I can’t remember the last time I danced.”

He leaned his cheek against mine as he kept us swaying. “We probably wouldn’t win a contest, but we’re not bad.”

“No, we’re not.”

My fingers felt comfortable lying in his, my hips warm. This wasn’t just our bodies dancing. Even if we had stopped moving, our souls would still sway together.

I closed my eyes. They were a little more watery than I would have liked.What were we doing here? Should this be a time to enjoy the moment, or should we talk about the future?

“Noah,” Jack said, his voice soft. “I hate to think this is coming to an end. It’s strange after spending so much time together.”

“We truly had a good rhythm. You made Seastone feel like home.”

For a minute, we twirled around each other to the music, letting our words sink in.

“What are you going to do when the McCormacs come back?” Jack finally asked. He pressed his cheek against mine as if to make sure we didn’t have to look at each other.

I was afraid to tell him. Saying it out loud made it all more real. But there was no way around it. No matter how much I wished this could go on forever, it wouldn’t happen. “I’ll drive down to Glenn’s Creek on the second. I’m starting a new job there.”

“Finally working as a vet?”

“No,” I replied. I could have lied to him, kept the conversation short, and moved on. We had managed so well not to talk about it until now, but somehow, I wanted him to know. For the first time, I actually felt comfortable enough to bring it up. “Dad pulled some strings and got me a job at the FDA. I’m going to be part of a team that enforces government policies. In short, a lot of desk work. Nothing I look forward to.”

“You don’t sound very excited.”

“Well, it will pay off my student loans.” I sighed. “I had to do the adult thing at some point and not chase dreams too heavy for my tiny shoulders.”

“That doesn’t sound right.”

“But that is the plan.” My voice cracked.

Jack stopped moving his hips but still kept me close to his chest. “When I met you in college, you were the most enthusiastic person I had ever met about becoming a veterinarian. It made me feel like my own ambitions were childish. Now that you’ve graduated and just watching you with Maggie, it’s clear that you were born to do this job.” Jack swallowed. He took a deep breath and held it for a second before exhaling slowly. “I know there are tons of openings. So why didn’t you apply for them?”

A tingle ran down my neck. “It’s hard to explain,” I said, pausing as the words caught in my throat. I wanted to tell him. If there was anyone who could understand, it would be him. But... every time I’ve tried to explain before, all I’ve gotten is raised eyebrows. My words never seemed to be enough. I gasped for air. I tried to suppress it, but my chest was shaking no matter how hard I tried.

His hands wrapped around me tighter than before. “I’m not asking to judge you. I simply want to understand.” His voice was now shaking as well.

The music continued for two choruses as I let him hold me.

“I was tired,” I finally said. “I still am.” I had to get it over with. Not only for him but for my sake as well. I couldn’t let it consume me. “The work hours, the physical work, the constant emotional pressure—it was all too much for me. I don’t know if I just imagined myself always cuddling animals, but...” I shook my head. “After I graduated, during the residency program, I... I completely lost myself. I was constantly working. A lot of overtime. When I came home, I was too exhausted to take a shower or eat. I would just fall into bed and wake up ten hours later, sweating from nightmares and still feeling tired. Whenever I had a day off, I didn’t go out with friends because... I didn’t have any. All the contacts on my phone were coworkers, family, who lived hundreds of miles away, and deactivated numbers offormer college classmates. Not that it mattered. I didn’t even have the energy to go outside. When I knew I had a day off, I looked forward to spending it all in bed, which I did. One day—luckily, in the last week of the residency program—I stood at my front door, holding the knob, but couldn’t turn it. An hour later, one of the assistants called and asked if I was sick, which I confirmed. I wanted to cry, but instead, I sat with my back against the door, not knowing if I could ever walk through it again. The next morning, I almost had to beat myself up to go to the clinic. I finished the week because it was so close to the end, but... I realized I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I turned down a job I had lined up at a clinic in Raleigh. I locked myself in my apartment. My parents found out about a month later and were furious. They tried to talk some sense into me, but at the time, I wouldn’t listen. Well, the rest is history. To be honest, now that I have some distance, I can say that I still love being a vet. But if I keep going at this pace, I don’t think I’ll make it to my thirties.”

Jack held his breath. His chin pressed deep into my shoulder as he enveloped me. “I’m so sorry, Noah, that this happened to you.”

I let myself fall into his arms. Their comfort was exceeded only by his words.Why couldn’t my family see it this way? Why did it have to be someone who was almost a stranger a week ago?

“It’s not like I want to give up on this dream forever. I have worked so hard. It can’t be for nothing.” My lips trembled. My chest shook. I wanted to cry, but not a single tear left my head, no matter how hard I squeezed my eyes shut as I clung to Jack’s chest. “It feels so unfair. They told me that if I worked hard enough, my efforts would be rewarded. With what? Not being able to sleep? Three hundred thousand dollars in student debt? My parents berating me like I was just lazy? A meaningless deskjob I had to take because my legs tremble every time I think about doing what I used to love? This feels sounfair.”

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