Page 41 of Home Between Homes

“Thanks for the ride,” Jack said, keeping his voice low while I was unable to move my body or mouth.

“You’re welcome,” he said, beaming as if that was all the payment he needed, and climbed out of the door. He walked from the truck to a small door next to the garage that looked like it might contain the office. I held the business card up to my face as if it were a lottery ticket I’d found and didn’t want.

Jack’s whole body twitched toward me as if he wanted to make contact, but he held himself back. He didn’t touch me. He didn’t say anything. His breaths were so loud even though his chest was barely rising. His fingers clenched around Mrs. Candice’s book, bending the pages slightly. He stared at them, his head shaking almost invisibly from side to side.

“Hey,” Dany yelled across the parking lot. He was standing in front of the office, waving at us with a set of keys in his hands.

Jack’s head twitched as if to look at me, but he stopped himself and opened the door instead.

Dany didn’t chargeme anything for towing my car. He just handed me the keys and said he was thankful that Jack wasn’t stuck in the blizzard alone. The rest of the conversation took a lot of strength to keep my composure, but the way Jack avoided my gaze, I knew he was in the same boat. They walked me to my Corolla, and after we checked together that everything was in order, Dany said goodbye and went back to his office, leaving Jack and me alone.

Jack jiggled the car keys he had gotten from Dany in his palms. His eyes darted all over the place to avoid looking at me.

“So they’re looking for a new vet in town,” I said, hiding my hands in my jacket pockets.

“They are.” His voice was lifeless. “I should have told you, but...” He ran a hand over his face and ruffled his hair. “I didn’t want to complicate things for you.”

I believed every word he said. He was so happy when my hand searched for his as we sat in Dany’s truck. He made no secret of how close we were, but the moment Dany told me about the position, he retreated like a beaten dog? Maybe it was just my imagination, but how could I understand his reasoning other than that he wanted me to stay, that he wanted to tell me about it yesterday, but after I told him how sick being a vet made me, he decided not to? He was definitely the type to try to protect me from more pain and emotional distress, even if it meant making himself miserable by having to let me go.

“It was stupid of me. I, I...” Jack finally looked at me. “I wish things weren’t as messed up as they are.”

“I’m not angry if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said, leaning my back against the car. “I wouldn’t have told me either if I were you.”

Knowing about the opening here in Seastone changed things, but at the same time, it didn’t. There were reasons why I hadn’t looked for veterinary jobs. I tried once, the day before my interview at the FDA a month ago, but I didn’t even get past typing the word ‘veterinarian’ before my body started shaking like crazy. As tempting as it was to have the chance to stay with Jack, I could already hear my parents screaming in the back of my head that I couldn’t just make decisions like that with my dick. I had to handle this situation like an adult.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Youdon’t have to be.”

“I do. I’m the one who’s leaving.” An icy wind whipped around our heads. “But I promise, we won’t lose each other like after college. I’ll call you every day, and I know you’ll always pick up, like you said. We can visit each other. I can come here in thesummer. You can visit me in Glenn’s Creek whenever you want to. We can still be...” I wanted to say ‘together,’ but it felt too cruel. “...friends, can’t we?”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and pulled his face together like he was biting into a lemon. “I’m sorry, but I have to go to work.”

My eyes became watery. What seemed okay yesterday wasn’t anymore. I couldn’t let us go our separate ways like this. I reached for his hand, my fingers wrapping around his. I could have pulled his hand close, squeezed it, and used it to draw him into a hug, but I didn’t. It was as if we were at a dead end, with no escape except by going back to where we started. “Meet me and Maggie for one last dinner?” was all I could bring myself to say.

Jack’s eyes were empty, staring into the distance behind me. His irises widened for a second before he shook his head slightly and turned his gaze back to me. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around my back as if this was his last chance. “I’ll let you know when I’m done.” His nose sought safety in my neck. “I like you, Noah. And that will never change,” he murmured into my scarf. His words were muffled, but I could still hear them enough to have no doubt. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, hugged me tightly one more time, and then let go, walking away before I could respond to what he had said.

As he reached the red Ford Escape on the other side of the parking lot, he turned to me for the last time and waved, clutching Mrs. Candice’s book to his heart.

I waved back, still leaning against my car, the cold metal pressing into my back as I watched him drive off the lot.

Somehow, at that moment, the thought crossed my mind that this would be the last time I saw him.

That feeling didn’t leave me for hours.

TWELVE

PILLARS OF LIFE

The smellof sizzling onions wafted through the kitchen. Maggie was resting in her bed. Although she pretended to be uninterested in what I was doing by letting out an exaggerated yawn as if she were seconds away from falling asleep, I could catch her eyes darting to me whenever she thought I wasn’t looking. She wassoready to jump in and eat anything that accidentally fell to the floor.

Earlier that afternoon, I had bought everything I needed to make a vegetable lasagna like the one they served in our college cafeteria. Maybe it was a stupid idea, but somehow, I hoped Jack would like it and take it as a final confirmation that our time together meant something to me. I had been serious about what I had said. I wanted him in my life. I wanted to visit him whenever I could, call him every day, and listen to him talk about his work. Even if it wasn’t a hundred percent ideal, it was worth a try.

I ran a wooden spoon through the pan to keep the onions from burning, but from one moment to the next, the spoon felt like it weighed a ton. I hoisted it onto the cutting board next to the pan where I had already prepared carrots, zucchini,and spinach. Leaning against the kitchen counter for support, I stared at the onions.

I missed Jack already.

Even though I had only seen him nine hours ago, it felt like an eternity.

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