Page 43 of Home Between Homes

“Jack?”

“I’m here…”

If only he were physically here with me.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said, unable to hold back any longer. He sobbed. “I didn’t mean to make you cry… and I enjoyed beingwith you so much that I can’t stand the fact that it has to end at all.”

“Then why can’t we... have this one last night...?” My cries stopped me from speaking. If only we could hold each other like we did yesterday—sharing the tears and knowing it would be okay.But this?Nothing about this was okay.

“I want to stay friends, Noah, as you suggested. What am I saying?I’m sure we’ll stay friends.But in order to do that, I think I need to give the part of me that wants more some closure first. If we see each other now, I know I will say and do things that will only make it harder for both of us. I... I can’t do that. Last night was wonderful, as were all the nights before. I want to cherish what we had and not risk tarnishing that memory any more than it already is. So we actually have a chance to get to a place where it’s okay to be... just friends.”

My knees gave way. I lowered myself to the floor, the cord of the speaker now draped around my head. “So this is goodbye?”

“For now, yes… I’m sorry.”

I swallowed. “Goodbye, Jack.”

“Yeah.”

The line crackled as he hung up. My hand dropped, pulling the speaker down with it. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks into my mouth, leaving a salty taste. I buried my face in my hands and cried the way I wished I’d been able to months ago.Why does life have to be so unfair?I was only trying to do the mature thing. So why did it feel so wrong?

Maggie poked her head around the corner, taking in the hot mess I was. She tiptoed over to me and pressed her head into my knees as if she knew exactly what was happening.

She probably understood. A lot more than I did.

I had wrappedthe blanket around me as tightly as I could all night, but it refused to warm me up. With my whole body shivering to the bone, I was in a constant state of being half awake and then drifting off, only to wake up three minutes later, reach for the cold, empty space next to me, and find that Jack still wasn’t there.

I questioned everything—my decisions, every word I said, whether I should leave or stay, and whether it was selfish of me to have started anything with him in the first place. I wondered if I could even be friends with him now or if that would just be cruel and make us both miserable. I didn’t know what to do anymore. My heart wanted nothing but him, but my brain kept scolding me that it was thoughtless, stupid, and immature to throw everything out the window because we happened to spend one week together.

When my alarm clock went off, I was already awake—or rather,still awake—staring at Maggie sleeping next to my bed. The beeping rumbled through the morning, causing her to twitch, lift her head, and glare at me as if the alarm was a cruel joke. I turned it off. My arms were heavy, and my head refused to leave the pillow. But there were only two hours left before the McCormacs returned.

I did what I had to do: I pushed everything to the back of my mind, showered, made coffee, and forced the last piece of toast down my throat. I took Maggie outside and wiped her paws on the way back in so as not to dirty the floor that Jack had so meticulously cleaned the day before. I bribed her with the last of the dog biscuits to let me give her the ear drops one last time andcuddled with her so long that I started packing my things only a minute before the McCormacs pulled up in the driveway.

I rushed down the stairs and found Maggie at the door, her head tilted to the side and her tail wagging like a propeller.

“You know who’s out there, don’t you?”

Maggie barked and circled me, impatient for me to finally allow her to be reunited with the people she already knew were on the other side. I grabbed her by the collar and opened the door.

No matter how much snow there was, as soon as she saw her pet parents getting out of their car, she lunged forward with such energy that she nearly broke free. She whimpered, yelped, and barked to let them know she was there, waiting for them. I would have let her go if I hadn’t been afraid she would either run out into the street or knock one of them down.

“Well, who isthat?” Mrs. McCormac asked, waving her head from side to side with a big smile. “Is that Maggie?OurMaggie?” She threw the car door shut and trudged through the snow.

“Welcome back,” I said to her, tightening my grip on Maggie’s collar. “Looks like someone missed you a lot.”

Mrs. McCormac used the handrail to steady herself. When she reached the top of the porch, she leaned down and took Maggie in her arms. “Oh, we missed you too, little Maggie.”

I finally let go of the collar and let them greet each other.

Mr. McCormac opened the trunk, his arms shaking as he lifted one of their suitcases. I jumped past Maggie and Mrs. McCormac and rushed over to him. “Please, let me help you with this.”

“I appreciate it,” he said, stepping aside to let me do all the work.

I hadn’t noticed it when I arrived nine days ago because everything went so fast, but the two of them were more frail than I remembered.

“Go ahead. I’ll be happy to bring them in for you.”

“You know what? I will not say no to that offer. Thank you.” He laughed from the bottom of his chest and shuffled toward the house. “I don’t know why we thought an overnight flight back would be a smart idea, but let me tell you, when you get to my age, you can’t sleep well in a strange bed, let alone an airplane.”

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