Page 49 of Paxton

“You know you don't have to pit those two things against each other,” Hadley says, ever the analytical mind. “You could just allow them to meld together into something bigger and stronger than you ever thought it could be.”

“What she said,” Blakely nods to Hadley, and Reese shows her agreement.

“We all know Paxton feels the same way,” Blakely says softly.

“What are you going to do if he decides to propose to you?” Hadley asks bluntly.

The question has my muscle memory rippling beneath my skin, a heavy dose of fear and panic associated with the idea of sayingI do.

“Shit,” Hadley says, eyeing me. “I practicallyfeltthat. Look at you. It's like I asked you if he was going to isolate you from all your friends and make you quit your job.”

I cringe, clenching my eyes shut and shaking my head. “That couldn't be further from the truth,” I say. “Paxton would never make me feel that way. It's just theconceptof marriage. I've been terrified of it my entire life. I've always viewed it as a negative thing, which I know makes no sense when my parentsare happily married, but I'm a walking contradiction.” I blow out of breath. “And somehow Paxton loves me anyway. I don't deserve someone like him.”

“First off,” Reese says, shaking her head. “Don't do that. You absolutely deserve him and just because you're working out some very long-term issues doesn't mean you don't. And secondly, has he told you that he loves you?”

“Have you told him?” Blakely adds.

“No and no,” I say, sighing at the admission.

“But it's painfully clear that you both love each other,” Hadley says almost like she's asking a question.

“Yep,” I answer with a shrug.

“And you two clearly get along really well or else you would be looking for your own space,” Hadley continues.

“Yep.”

“And the physical chemistry is obviously on fire,” Reese adds.

“And you both support each other's careers and dreams and?—”

“I know, I know,” I cut Blakely off. “I know it's perfect. Or as perfect as we can be for each other.”

“Then I'm not seeing the problem?” Hadley says looking at all of us. “Marriage aside, because that’s so not something that has to happen these days. Why don't you just tell him how you feel?”

“I want to,” I say, smiling at the thought of it. “I really do. He deserves to know, and I try to show him how much I appreciate him. But letting him know the full extent of how much I love him? I'm terrified,” I admit. “What if I tell him that and he immediately jumps toas long as we both shall live? I know him. He’s always wanted the married life. What if I'm not ready for that?”

“Then you're not ready for that,” Blakely says as if it's that simple. “Just because you tell him how much you care about him doesn't mean you immediately have to jump to marriage.”

“Yeah, he may not even be on that line of thinking,” Reese continues. “But I can see how your mind would go there since you guys have been best friends forever. It's not like you need to continue dating to get to know each other when you already know everything about each other, so I see the dilemma, but Paxton is an understanding guy. If you tell him that you love him but aren't ready for that big of a commitment, he’ll get it.”

“I know,” I say for what I feel like is the eighteenth time during this brunch.

“But someday,” Hadley hedges. “What if like ten years down the road,” she continues. “What if you closed your eyes and picture yourself getting married, who would it be to? And does it look so awful?”

I close my eyes like she suggests, doing my best to not put a timeline on the imagery I draw up in my mind. Me in a white dress and of course it's Paxton in a suit, the two of us getting ready to promise forever to each other.

A smile shapes my lips, warmth radiating over every inch of my body as I open my eyes.

“Without a timeline? Of course it's Paxton. I feel like it's always been him.”

Reese and Blakely smile at me, Hadley too.

“I'll tell him,” I say, excitement bubbling up inside me. “I'll tell him today.”

My energy filters into my friends and we all squeal a little before returning to our brunch.

“What are we celebrating?” Elise, one of several of the Bangor Badgers’ no-holds-barred sports agent, says as she stops by our table, a to-go coffee in her hand.

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