Page 51 of Paxton

This issounfair.

I hear the front door open, and it’s only a few moments before Paxton finds me in his bedroom, standing there with that velvet box still open in my hand, and tears rolling down my cheeks.

Paxton drops his gear bag, shock coloring his features.

“What thehellis this, Paxton?”

CHAPTER 17

PAXTON

Every musclein my body tightens as I walk into my bedroom, freezing in the opened doorway at the sight of Monroe holding that ring.

I drop my gear bag, shock flooding me when I notice tears running down her cheeks. They're for sure not tears of joy.

“What thehellis this, Paxton?” she asks, her tone tight,angryeven. She gently tosses the ring at me, and I catch it against my chest.

“Why would you get that?” she asks before I can answer. Before I can give her an explanation. “Don't you know me at all? Is this your way of showing me you don't respect my wishes?”

“Hold up, what?” I ask, my thoughts racing too fast to catch them, to say anything coherent. Completely unraveled by her reaction

I sit the now closed ring box on top of my dresser, reaching for her—she pulls out of my touch, shaking her head as more tears stream down her cheeks.

“This isn't fair,” she says. “This isn't fair, Paxton. You should’ve talked to me, you should have checked?—”

“Hold on,” I say again, taking a deep breath. “Is this really your reaction right now? The idea of being with me,reallybeing with me, is doing this to you?”

Pain splinters through my body like lightning striking an opened wound. She'spanicking, spiraling as if I've dropped her into a sea of strangers, abandoning her to be lost in a crowd she may not ever get free from.

“That's not fair,” Monroe says. “None of this is fair.”

I furrow my brow, swallowing down the knot of pain that's clogging my throat.

“Not fair? Monroe, don't you even knowmeat all?”

“Don't you know me?” she throws back. “Don't you know that I've been terrified and against marriage since I was a kid? You can't act like you don't know that about me and yet you still did this?” She jabs a finger toward the ring like it's a loaded gun, and my heart shatters inside my chest completely.

“I wouldneverpressure you into anything,” I say. “Don't you think if I was going to, I would have already? We've been living together for months, Monroe. And you think I'd do this to you now? Don't you understand the way I feel about you?”

Her bottom lip trembles, and it's all I can do to keep my feet planted where they are and not wrap her in my arms, hold her and tell her everything's going to be okay. I've never been in this situation before whereI’mliterally the cause of her pain, but I can't ignore the way she's reacting to the thought of forever with me.

And maybe that's on me. Maybe I should’ve told her years ago how I actually felt about her, but even then, I don't think it would change her reaction now. And the certainty of that, the certainty that no matter any choice I make she'll react like this, has me crumbling inside.

“It's not fair,” she says again, her voice slightly broken. “I wanted to tell you...but this…” she shakes her head again.

Hollow. I feel absolutely hollow as my survival instincts take over, making all other emotion besides the pain drain right out of me.

I sigh, glancing down at that ring box, pointing at it. “I've had that ring since my grandmother passed away,” I explain.

Monroe's eyes go wide, her mind churning.

“You should recognize it. I showed it to you back when she gave it to me.” I shake my head. “She gave it to me for the girl I wanted to marry someday. She gave it to me not knowing if I would ever get married but wanting me to have it. I’ve had it foryears.”

Monroe covers her mouth with her hands, shock fueling her brown eyes. Apology radiates there, but it's too late. I feel broken inside, devastated in a way I never knew I could experience.

“So...you weren't going to propose?”

“No,” I answer. “I know you're better than that, Monroe. But seeing your reaction to even thethoughtof being with me in a serious way…tells me exactly where you stand.”

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