Page 102 of The Devil's Trials

Noah just stares at me, his eyes flicking between mine. He shakes his head. “You told me I couldn’t kiss you again.”

He’s right. Fuck, I hate this whole thing. I fumble with something to say, some explanation that will make sense. “I…I know. I just—I got caught up in the moment, and you know, I drank—”

“Don’t do that,” he cuts in more firmly, snaring my gaze. Any lingering amusement is quickly replaced by something colder as he says, “Why did you kiss me?”

WhydidI kiss him?

I swallow hard, then blurt, “Because it makes me feel better.”

Noah laughs humorlessly. “Well, okay then. I’m glad I can make you feel better.”

I frown, my heart still thumping hard in my chest. “You’re mad.”

“Hey, if you want to use me to forget about him, by all means, go ahead. But the least you could do is let me know.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask in a small voice, feeling painfully sober and wishing now that I’d said goodbye to him at my door and let him leave.

“Do you want to kissme, or do you just want to forget about the person you actually want to kiss but can’t?”

Heat floods my cheeks, and I bite my tongue. Obviously I’m not going to tell him Ididkiss Xander, or anything else we did. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” My voice trails off, and I shake my head. “I didn’t mean to upset you. This isn’t—Whatever you and I have been doing, whatever is between us, it has nothing to do with him.” I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, as if that’ll settle the anxiety crackling beneath my skin like static. “Look, I don’t know what we’re doing—”

His mouth is on mine in an instant, swallowing the rest of my sentence. I make a sound of surprise against his lips as my eyes shut of their own volition, and he grabs my hips, nudging his door open with his boot and guiding me inside. He kicks the door shut without breaking the kiss, and we keep moving through his apartment. My heart pounds in my chest as heat flushes through my whole body, and I fist the front of his shirt, kissing him hard. My senses are completely consumed by him. His closeness. His minty, fresh rain scent, even. It brings me comfort and sends my heart racing in tandem.

One of his hands slides up my side, cupping the side of my face, and he tips my head back slightly, deepening the kiss. His thumb skates across my cheek, gentle and grounding, and a tsunami of emotions slams into me, making my eyes burn.

Noah pauses, breaking the kiss. “Camille—”

“I’m fine.” I pull in a shaky breath. When I try to kiss him again, he turns his face away, and my stomach drops. “Sorry.” Looking away, I try to take a step back, but he holds me in place as I sniffle. My voice cracks when I say, “You don’t deserve this hot and cold from me.” I blink quickly to force the tears back, but my quivering bottom lip gives me away. “Sorry,” I repeat.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “Look at me.” He uses a finger to lift my chin until our eyes meet. “You want to stop, we stop. No questions asked.”

I swallow past the lump in my throat, my pulse thrumming. “I—I can’t do this.”

Part of my heart will probably always be drawn to the life Noah could offer me, but I can’t let go of my feelings for Xander.

A muscle feathers along Noah’s jaw and his shoulders drop with a sigh. “Then we won’t.”

Silence stretches between us for a long moment. “I should go,” I say quietly, afraid my voice is going to break.

“Yeah,” he agrees. His tone is distant and he won’t meet my gaze.

Without another word, I walk out of his apartment and hurry to the elevator. Once I’m back at my place, I close the door and fall back against it.

Harper rushes over from the living room. “Oh,babe.”

She knows. Of course she knows.

I catch my bottom lip between my teeth and let my head thump against the door as I groan.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

“I feel like I can’t breathe,” I tell her, my chest rising and falling faster as my skin prickles with the dreadfully familiar sensation of an oncoming panic attack. “I’m so fucking scared I’m making one monumental mistake after another.”

Resting her hands on my shoulders, she meets my gaze and says, “Inhale and exhale slowly. You’re doing your best, and no one is faulting or judging you here.”

We take a few measured breaths together, and my racing pulse slows to a somewhat normal pace. “I could see myself with Noah. He drives me nuts but I’m also constantly impressed by him. There’s a trust for him that comes from our history, which is inherently comforting, but it’s…not enough.”

Harper presses her lips together, nodding. “Right. Because you’re in love with the devil.”

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