Page 6 of The Devil's Trials

“Right.” The word is hollow, much like the feeling in my chest.

I’m so unbelievably stupid.

To think we’d come out of a fight with the ruler of demons unscathed. To believe Xander and I…That we could ever have a chance of making things work between us.

Mom’s expression softens ever so slightly, making me blink at her in surprise after she says, “I’m sure you were in distress when we spoke on the phone earlier. When you asked to train again. Are you ready to talk about that?”

“Not really.” I sigh, wringing my hands in my lap. “It doesn’t feel like there’s time to wait for me to be ready, so we probably should. I’m going to re-enroll in training. I don’t know what that looks like, but I figure you already have a plan.”

She regards me thoughtfully. “I know what happened today has been incredibly shocking and difficult to process, but that doesn’t mean you need to re-enroll. The organization is taking care of things. You will beprotected, Camille. I’m not—” Her voice cracks, and she clears her throat. “I’m not going to let you get hurt again.”

I press my lips together as my eyes burn, threatening tears. I’m not entirely sure how to express to my mom how I feel responsible for what happened. I asked the hunters to help and keep the plan to send Lucia back to hell from the organization. Our group had my back. Elias lost his life, and for what?

“Camille?”

“I have to do this,” I say in a low voice, struggling to meet her gaze.

“Why?”

That one little word grips me as tightly as Lucia’s hand around my throat, constricting the air in my lungs.

“There’s a good chance this will sound insane, but it’s the only thing I feel like I can control, and I need that. Everything else has swiftly spiraled so far out of my control, it feels like the world is closing in on me. I can’t fucking breathe.” By the time I finish speaking, my shoulders are shaking and wetness tracks down my cheeks. There’s a dull ringing in my ears and a pressure in my chest that makes it impossible to take a proper breath. I can feel the tendrils of anxiety pounding at the door of my mind, demanding entrance and threatening to consume me the second my guard slips.

“Okay,” she says gently. “I understand.”

I swipe at the tears that escaped, clearing my throat. “Thank you.”

“I will grant your request through the official channels in the coming days. That said, your lack of experience is going to put you behind the rest of the trainees.”

“I’ll do whatever I need to catch up,” I say without missing a beat. “I’ll defer my semester at school and dedicate my time to training.”

She nods. “You’ll need extra training.”

“Of course,” I agree. “Whatever it takes.”

There’s a knock at the door before Noah slips back into the office. My mom glances up and smiles.

“You have good timing, Noah.”

What the fuck for?I want to say, but bite my tongue against the quip.

“Oh? Your assistant wanted me to check in and see if you were going to join the meeting in a few minutes.”

“I am, but we need to discuss Camille’s training.”

His gaze shifts to me as his brows lift.

“You will need to work closely with Noah,” she tells me. “He will help you get caught up to where you need to be.”

I’m shaking my head without a thought, my pulse spiking at the idea of training with Noah. It threatens to send me into a spiral of panic, especially as I recall the weird jealous vibes I picked up from him during the meeting we had before the epic failure of a mission. From there, I can’t stop my thoughts from drifting to the memory of our shared time in New York. How oddly normal it felt to spend time with him—fun even. Not to mention the ridiculously stupid crush I had on him years ago. Part of me is worried all of that will affect my training.

Another part is scared at the prospect of getting close to him. There’s also a shallow inkling of concern that I’ll embarrass myself by how unskilled I am. I shouldn’t care what Noah thinks of me—Idon’t, I try to convince myself, but the uptick in my pulse works to make a liar out of me. Of course I care. Despite my mixed feelings about Noah, there’s just something about him that I find myself…I don’t know, seeking his approval? It’s ridiculous, and I definitely don’t have the time or emotional stability to explore the reasoning behind it.

“I’d like to train with someone else,” I force a level tone in hopes it comes across professional enough for her to at least consider it.

She purses her lips, her eyes flitting toward Noah for a moment before returning to me. “Why?”

“I fear his arrogance will impede my learning.”

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