Page 62 of The Devil's Trials

I resent the shiver that zips through me, and even more, the desire to lean into him. I should move away and put distance between us, but I don’t move. My face heats and my lungs scream for air as I continue staring at his chest.

“Breathe,mo shíorghrá.”

My body obeys his gentle command, and I inhale deeply, greedily sucking in air until my chest stops burning. I shake my head, as if that will clear the dizziness. “You really should go now.” There’s a trace of desperation creeping into my voice. I can feel my control slipping with each passing moment as the pressure between my ribs intensifies.

Xander tilts his head to the side, and I think I see a flicker of disappointment in his gaze when he asks, “Do you want me to leave?”

No. “Yes.”

“Hmm. I don’t quite believe you.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

His lips twitch. “There’s that snark of yours.”

I ignore that, instead saying, “Why are you being so difficult?”

“Because I’m not ready to leave,” he answers simply.

“Why?”

His eyes meet mine. “Because I miss you.”

I miss you.

The words land hard and fast, stealing the air from my lungs. There’s no hiding the way my pulse races as I play those three little words over and over, resenting the spark of hope they ignite in my heart.

“How is that possible?” I whisper instead of doing what I should do, which is walk away.

My feet are blocks of concrete—I’m not moving anywhere. Would Xander stop me if I tried to leave? A twisted part of me hopes he would. That he’d fight for me and for us.

“Losing my soul didn’t destroy the part of me that cares for you.” He exhales a humorless laugh. “It would make this a lot easier.”

I bite my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. There are too many emotions going to war inside me, the overwhelm has me close to tears, and I fucking hate that. “What does that mean?”

He lets silence stretch between us for a moment before he sighs. The hopelessness in that sound punches a hole through my chest. And then he says, “My heart is human and it remains yours.” His expression softens, and that’s my only warning before he’s reaching for me, his hands on my hips tugging me into him.

I suck in a breath before his lips crash against mine. I lose myself in seconds, and the only thing that exists is him. His touch and his lips on mine, damning me to want him even now. Even when it hurts so deeply.

Xander makes the sound of the back of his throat that makes my heart slam against my rib cage, and suddenly I’m not sure if my hands on his chest, gripping his shirt until it’s wrinkled, are to push him away or pull him closer.

A strangled whimper escapes my lips, and he swallows the sound as his tongue darts into my mouth, sweeping along mine. He deepens the kiss, tipping my head back with one hand while the other remains curled around my hip. My eyes slip shut as I’m overcome with sensations, our lips moving in sync, our tongues dancing. Our bodies know each other. It feels natural. Right.

Except the pressure in my chest and the fear clogging my throat are always-present, painful reminders of how wrong it is. So why can’t I seem to remember that when I need to the most?

Lucia told me Xander’s feelings for me were his weakness, and moments like this only prove my feelings for him are mine.

I finally find the strength to push him away and suck in a shallow breath, pressing my hand to my chest. I can’t stop my fingers from drifting to touch my lips as they tingle. I can’t decipher the expression on Xander’s face when I focus on him again, and before I can speak, he says, “Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “You don’t get to do that anymore.”

“What? Kiss you, or care about you?”

“Xander.” I drop my hand back to my lap, knowing full well my expression is pleading with him to go.

He was able to get past my defenses all too quickly, and with one kiss, it feels as if it ruined the distance I put between us. Whatever wall I thought I’d built crumbled in an instant.

How could I be so weak?

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