Staring into Jenny’s earnest eyes, my heart swells once more. Maybe I am still afraid of the future. Maybe I’ll never stop being afraid. But just like Noah has given me strength, this woman has guided me through every single one of my deepest fears. My heart lifts as I smile wide, gratitude flooding my being for Jenny and all she’s done to save my soul too.
And yet I’ve been lying to her about one core truth.
Jenny’s eyebrows raise. As we continue to look into each other’s eyes, her voice lowers. “Is there something you’re afraid of telling me?”
I blink hard and fast, biting my lip. Holy shit, I let my thoughts wander too far. Normally I’d tell her near-truths, leaving out the wolf-y parts, but there’s something so pure, so vulnerable about this moment that I don't know what to say.
And Jenny appears unusually concerned. She straightens, turning towards me until her whole body faces me on the couch. “Listen, I know it can make things so hard when people around us, who we love, do things we never expected.”
My heartbeat spikes into my throat. What in the world is she talking about? Does she think Noah is abusing me? Am I behaving how I did after Steven hurt me? That can’t be possible, can it?
Okay, that sounds like OCD and PTSD teaming up. Refocusing on the moment, I’m left in confusion; what else could Jenny be talking about?
I freeze as a thought hits me: did Jenny actually see Noah shift, all those months ago?
Jenny pauses, her wandering eyes acknowledging my anxiety for a long time. Too long.
Fuck. Does she know that I’m not “normal?” Nothuman?
She can’t know.
Does she?
Before I can settle my raging heartbeat, Jenny twists her lips. “If we were working together during your relationship with Steven, I would have loved to help you through that process of realizing something was off.”
Every inch of my wolf tightens in defense. “Noah is nothing like that cruel man.”
Jenny’s eyes widen. “Oh, I know, I know. But if you had any worries about the community around you, any one of its participants, or your religion, I’d still want you to feel free to tell me, free of judgment of whatever situation you’re in.”
Okay, now I'm really confused.
“Jenny, what are you talking about? What situation am I in?”
Jutting back, Jenny frantically waves her hands. “So sorry to startle you, I'm so sorry. I just thought, with what you mentioned last week about that ceremony you had to go to, and the week before where you had to prepare for it despite nearly giving birth, that you were leading me towards something going on when you looked at me in such deep fear a moment ago. Please feel free to correct me, but I don’t know how else to put it; I came fully prepared today to help you, a fully pregnant woman about to give birth, escape a... Well, a sticky religious situation.”
My eyes bulge just as wide as Jenny’s.
And the pieces of all my near-truths start falling together.
Holy shit, does my therapist think I'm trapped in a cult? Especially since we have all these constant Full Moon rituals? Oh my God, she probably thinks I'm in it deep for sure now!
But then I perk up: this problem finally feels fixable. I know exactly what to do. How to tell Jenny the truth, without telling Jenny all of it.
Except it’s so funny that I have to belly-laugh, accidentally bouncing Ari with my cackling.
Jenny’s chin juts back. “Aliya, what?”
“What I've been afraid to tell you formonthsis—”
I sputter through laughter as Jenny blinks rapidly, tempted to laugh alongside me but too wholly perplexed to understand why her client is laughing like a hyena after scaring her shitless.
Sucking in a desperate gulp of air, I attempt to center myself. “I’ve been trying to say that I'm heavily interested in theoccult, notacult.”
This time, Jenny busts out laughing with me, her voice coming out as a near-shriek. “What?”
My cheeks burn hot. “I don't know! I’ve never told you because I thought you’d think I'm completely irrational!”
Jenny throws her head back, her cackle echoing across the walls until I have to laugh my heart out with her. “You thought I, a therapist in the Pacific Northwest, would evenblinkabout my client believing in the occult?”