Page 50 of If This Gets Out

He’s dressed to go out, in one of his long wool coats, this one in tan.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey?”

“I’m sorry about what I said in the interview.”

I shrug, then move aside, letting him into my room. I obviously wasn’t expecting company, so the whole space is messy, with clothes strewn around the place, and my bedsheets all messed up. I pick up a discarded shirt and toss it into my suitcase.

“Look,” he says. “I know things have been weird, but this is the one place on the whole tour you wanted to see. If we don’t go now, you’re going to miss it.”

“But…”

“Or you can just sit alone in your room all night, I guess. I’m not gonna drag you along.” His voice has an edge to it at first, but then he softens. “But I think we should go. Maybe we can try to… I don’t know, figure things out?”

I cross my arms, and he goes on hurriedly. “I know it’s what Geoff wants. But it’s what I want, too. I promise. Even if we can’t go back to the way things used to be, can we at least try to find a new normal? One that’s less weird?”

I pick up another discarded shirt, and twist it in my hands.

“Okay.”

“Okay you want to come or okay you want to figure stuff out?”

I just grab my jacket as an answer.

I do want to sort stuff out. I also would like to see the sort of place that would make my incredibly pragmatic mother accept what she knew was a spur-of-the-moment proposal. I think I’ve spent my whole life hyping up this place, and now I’m here, and I need to see it.

“This is really bad timing,” I say, as I put my jacket on.

“Why?”

“If we’re caught sneaking out, it could be really bad.”

“We won’t get caught. I have a way to sneak us out. You out of excuses yet, or…?”

I huff, and pull on a pair of boots.

Ruben clearly doesn’t know what to do while he waits. He’s lingering by the door, scrubbing the back of his head. And I’m still a little mad at him about the interview, and the fear of Geoff is still swirling around in my gut.

But this is the canals. This matters.

And I miss him, and I want to go do something with just him. Even after everything.

I put on a royal blue scarf and a beanie. And then I’m done. Ready to escape.

“So, what’s the plan?” I ask, as I tuck my hands under my arms for warmth. “Keegan or Pauline will be in the lobby, right? I doubt they’ll let us out this late.”

“There’s a fire escape on the roof,” he says. “We’ll climb down, then we’re free.”

Like most buildings here, this hotel isn’t too tall. We’ll be able to get to the street fairly easily.

The bigger issue is still Keegan and Pauline. They check the hallways randomly at night, and if we run into them, it won’t end well. They’ll have to tell Chorus that they saw—it’s part of their contract, and I could never ask them to risk their jobs for us.

“It’ll be fine,” he says. “Just follow my lead.”

The hallway outside is empty, so we go to the end, and get in the elevator. Ruben presses the button for the roof. We ride it up in silence until the doors open, revealing the rooftop. And all around us are the Amsterdam city lights. The stars look incredible. It’s brisk outside, but this is so stunning I don’t even care.

“Aren’t you glad we did this now?” he asks.

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